4 ms·

My dad has been fighting cancer for the past 13-ish years. He recently told me that he's expected to live another six months or so because he has ran out of tre

My dad has been fighting cancer for the past 13-ish years. He recently told me that he's expected to live another six months or so because he has ran out of treatment options. Though we've known for most of these past years that his cancer is terminal, I feel like him telling me the news set something off inside of me. Starting shortly after the time of hearing this news, I started to feel subtle, hard-to-pinpoint discomfort near my tailbone & perineum (sorry, TMI). I went to the doctor multiple times, had all types of exams and scans, but everything was coming back as "normal". My symptoms got worse as weeks went on, and I became incredibly anxious, though I was not able to recognize it as "anxiety". At the peak of all this I found myself having what I would assume was an anxiety or panic attack. I could not control my breathing, started sweating, feeling like I was about to pass out. My wife was able to calm me down by helping me breath. I would break down crying on the phone trying to schedule doctors appointments (I'm 30 years old). I was unable to sleep at all for several days in a row even though I felt completely exhausted. Had to take time off (Incredibly thankful for coworkers/managers who were understanding) Chest pain, digestive issues, etc. It's been a weird few months, but I finally think (hopefully) I am starting to get back to my "normal" self. The experience has taught me at least a couple things: - Mental / emotional heath is something that is taken for granted. Now I have a new perspective on the importance of trying to maintain it and want to be understanding toward others. - I think some (all?) of my symptoms were definitely related to what was going on in my life, and how things played out as I tried to fix them. This is hard for me to wrap my head around, but really I have found no other logical explanation.

mmaunder 5y ago
That’s a powerful story. I’d encourage you to try yoga. Do the Beachbody 3 week yoga retreat. Then continue doing one of the final “flow” routines every day. It’s 30 mins and is very accessible. It cured my chronic back pain and has eliminated anxiety about a range of things. After 4 years of doing this its also left me with an insanely strong core and great flexibility.
seer 5y ago
So sorry to hear what you were going through. My partner had something similar due to the stress from the pandemic. What helped her the most was actually a regular psychiatrist appointment. Did you do something specific when you took your time off and saw your symptoms disappear? Curious what helped you the most.
- denvaar 5y ago
  When I took time off it was simply because I could not function in any meaningful way. - Anxiety medication (I feel hesitant taking this and question if it helps or not. Hard to know.) - Talked to a therapist weekly (now doing monthly) - Yoga weekly - Forced myself back into a regular exercise routine. I love exercising, but I had fallen out of my routine. - Modified my diet and eating habits. I track everything I eat now. Still experimenting with this. - Focused, deep breathing for 5 to 10 minutes three times a day. - I think time in general helped me heal.
patmcc 5y ago
So sorry to hear about your dad and your symptoms, that sounds very tough. I'm very glad to hear you're feeling closer to your "normal" self, I hope that continues. Anxiety/stress/panic attacks are no joke. I think a lot of us in technical fields discount the "mind" - "it's a brain, it's just a meat computer" - and while I don't ascribe any supernatural aspect to it, the brain/mind can have really powerful impacts on the body.
- weiliddat 5y ago
  Just to chime in, it's not only people who work in technical fields. I had similar symptoms (chest/back pain, lethargy) from stress from the pandemic + overwork a year ago. And I studied psychology and knew that these things could happen, but when it first happened to me I thought I had heart problems (not likely since no familial history + obvious lifestyle risks). It went away as soon as I quit and went for some therapy, not because I didn't like the job, but there was no way for me to mentally get away from it.
danielbarla 5y ago
From my own (anecdotal) experience, stress most definitely plays out in physical ways in your body. Throughout the day or night, you can be tightening muscles without knowing it. They can eventually fatigue and set off a chain of other muscles compensating for it, etc. They can even cramp up in ways that they push on nerves, resulting in nerve-pain symptoms. It's all fairly logical, but for some reason there's this preconception that there is absolutely no linkage between our bodies and minds, which makes people look everywhere else first. The worst cases tend to be cyclical, where your worsening symptoms add to your stress, which leads to more symptoms, etc. The caveat is that sometimes, it's not just stress. You shouldn't neglect your symptoms, if they persist.
- pjc50 5y ago
  The canonical book on this that people recommend is "The Body Keeps The Score". I should probably get round to reading it.
  - leonroy 5y ago
    I read the book after a recommendation on this site in fact. It was eye opening to say the least how conditions like ADHD, PTSD, childhood trauma, anxiety and depression have both psychological and physiological effects. Some of which are surmountable (trauma in adult hood) whereas early childhood trauma can leave long term physical changes to the brain and body making it something that has to be managed. The first 2/3 of the book is very illuminating the last 1/3 a little polemic on healthcare policy and funding. Enlightening book all in all.
- bsrhng 5y ago
  That is unfortunately the case with me and it took me several years to start realizing that prolonged stress can result in this cascading effect where muscles tightening can distort your body slightly. This in turn can put strain on muscles initially unaffected which can themselves become locked because you cannot release the initial strain. By the time I started realizing it I couldn't answer anymore the question what it feels like for my body to be relaxed.
TriNetra 5y ago
The Black Lotus app [0] is an incredible help to deal with mental issues related to stress, anxiety and lack of focus/mindfulness. Personally, I have used it twice successfully to come out of sudden mental anxiety I found brewing in myself. Thoughts are also a form of energy – if they don't get channelized or remain unspent in your subconscious/unconscious, they can create mental problems. Meditation and related activities, prescribed as part of the RARE framework of this app, help in cleaning these otherwise overlooked corners of our mind. 0: https://www.blacklotus.app/ https://www.blacklotus.app/

mmaunder 5y ago

That’s a powerful story. I’d encourage you to try yoga. Do the Beachbody 3 week yoga retreat. Then continue doing one of the final “flow” routines every day. It’s 30 mins and is very accessible. It cured my chronic back pain and has eliminated anxiety about a range of things. After 4 years of doing this its also left me with an insanely strong core and great flexibility.

seer 5y ago

So sorry to hear what you were going through. My partner had something similar due to the stress from the pandemic. What helped her the most was actually a regular psychiatrist appointment. Did you do something specific when you took your time off and saw your symptoms disappear? Curious what helped you the most.

denvaar 5y ago
When I took time off it was simply because I could not function in any meaningful way. - Anxiety medication (I feel hesitant taking this and question if it helps or not. Hard to know.) - Talked to a therapist weekly (now doing monthly) - Yoga weekly - Forced myself back into a regular exercise routine. I love exercising, but I had fallen out of my routine. - Modified my diet and eating habits. I track everything I eat now. Still experimenting with this. - Focused, deep breathing for 5 to 10 minutes three times a day. - I think time in general helped me heal.

patmcc 5y ago

So sorry to hear about your dad and your symptoms, that sounds very tough. I'm very glad to hear you're feeling closer to your "normal" self, I hope that continues. Anxiety/stress/panic attacks are no joke. I think a lot of us in technical fields discount the "mind" - "it's a brain, it's just a meat computer" - and while I don't ascribe any supernatural aspect to it, the brain/mind can have really powerful impacts on the body.

weiliddat 5y ago
Just to chime in, it's not only people who work in technical fields. I had similar symptoms (chest/back pain, lethargy) from stress from the pandemic + overwork a year ago. And I studied psychology and knew that these things could happen, but when it first happened to me I thought I had heart problems (not likely since no familial history + obvious lifestyle risks). It went away as soon as I quit and went for some therapy, not because I didn't like the job, but there was no way for me to mentally get away from it.

danielbarla 5y ago

From my own (anecdotal) experience, stress most definitely plays out in physical ways in your body. Throughout the day or night, you can be tightening muscles without knowing it. They can eventually fatigue and set off a chain of other muscles compensating for it, etc. They can even cramp up in ways that they push on nerves, resulting in nerve-pain symptoms. It's all fairly logical, but for some reason there's this preconception that there is absolutely no linkage between our bodies and minds, which makes people look everywhere else first. The worst cases tend to be cyclical, where your worsening symptoms add to your stress, which leads to more symptoms, etc. The caveat is that sometimes, it's not just stress. You shouldn't neglect your symptoms, if they persist.

pjc50 5y ago
The canonical book on this that people recommend is "The Body Keeps The Score". I should probably get round to reading it.
- leonroy 5y ago
  I read the book after a recommendation on this site in fact. It was eye opening to say the least how conditions like ADHD, PTSD, childhood trauma, anxiety and depression have both psychological and physiological effects. Some of which are surmountable (trauma in adult hood) whereas early childhood trauma can leave long term physical changes to the brain and body making it something that has to be managed. The first 2/3 of the book is very illuminating the last 1/3 a little polemic on healthcare policy and funding. Enlightening book all in all.
bsrhng 5y ago
That is unfortunately the case with me and it took me several years to start realizing that prolonged stress can result in this cascading effect where muscles tightening can distort your body slightly. This in turn can put strain on muscles initially unaffected which can themselves become locked because you cannot release the initial strain. By the time I started realizing it I couldn't answer anymore the question what it feels like for my body to be relaxed.

TriNetra 5y ago

The Black Lotus app [0] is an incredible help to deal with mental issues related to stress, anxiety and lack of focus/mindfulness. Personally, I have used it twice successfully to come out of sudden mental anxiety I found brewing in myself. Thoughts are also a form of energy – if they don't get channelized or remain unspent in your subconscious/unconscious, they can create mental problems. Meditation and related activities, prescribed as part of the RARE framework of this app, help in cleaning these otherwise overlooked corners of our mind. 0: https://www.blacklotus.app/ https://www.blacklotus.app/