17 ms·

The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

151 points by rustoo 5y ago

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
curiousgal 5y ago
Different cultures have different ways of expressing emotions. Hugs are not a big thing outside of the US. But let's make a general statement either ways because it's psychology research after all.
jimbob21 5y ago
Dumb to write this article and not include graphics that demonstrate the hug types.
- nextaccountic 5y ago
  The published paper that the article talks about is open access and actually has photos https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001691821001918?via%3Dihub https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S000169182... The two hug styles are about the way the arms are crossed
  - xtracto 5y ago
    One thing I've always found interesting is the small awkward moment that happens whenever an American and a Mexican meet after some time and proceed to "hug": The American will most likely go for the "shoulder bump greeting" [1] while most Mexicans would go for the standard "criss cross" hug [2]. The result is a couple of seconds of awkward close "dancing". [1] https://shabait.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/sept-21-article-culture-2016.jpg https://shabait.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/sept-21-artic... [2] https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2021/11/16/14/50559763-0-image-a-15_1637074098411.jpg https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2021/11/16/14/50559763-0-image-...
- nakedgremlin 5y ago
  One of the linked articles has a good visual reference: https://www.science.org/content/article/how-hug-according-science https://www.science.org/content/article/how-hug-according-sc...
- tbrake 5y ago
  If you'd bothered to read the article you'd have discovered there was no real difference in hug types, and that they were explained perfectly by the text. Instead you skimmed it for pictures like a 5 year old and whined when there weren't any. Be better.
  - brujoand 5y ago
    If you had bothered to notice that other people do things differently you’d realize that some of us always skim a text before deciding on if it’s worth our attention. Sometimes we win by not wasting our time, sometimes you win by reading something interesting that looked boring on the surface. Don’t be so judgmental.
    - tbrake 5y ago
      I absolutely will judge someone who calls the way an article is written "dumb" like an entitled brat
      - acrobatsunfish 5y ago
        Sounds like you need a type 3 hug
- gregoriol 5y ago
  I also would love a "tl;dr" paragraph, an abstract would help would be readers to device if it's worth reading the whole thing
Fire-Dragon-DoL 5y ago
From my understanding, this test was between strangers, what about between very close people? (partner, child, parent). I can hug my children or partner for minutes. Avid hugger.
nakedgremlin 5y ago
I think the different hug styles also depend on the heights of the individuals. I personally think it's tough for a criss-cross hug approach when the height differential is more than a foot.
- sandermvanvliet 5y ago
  I’m over 2m tall (2.08m / 6’10) and I once almost broke the nose of one of my friends with my shoulder trying to give him a hug.. Needless to say I’m a lot more careful now
  - ninjinxo 5y ago
    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other." -Frank M.
quelsolaar 5y ago
Friends: one arm over, one under. Praise or love: both arms under. Comforting: both arms over.
- stavros 5y ago
  Then, by definition, one of the participants will always be praising and the other will be comforting, unless you use the cross-hug.
  - LesZedCB 5y ago
    well hugs can be directional or mutual too. two friends hug each other, mutually. a comforting partner gives their partner a hug, who receives it. a parent praises their child with a hug.
    - stavros 5y ago
      Yeah but if you go with "arm position means X", it can only be that for one of the two people.
      - barbazoo 5y ago
        I think you're all overthinking hugging :)
  - dotancohen 5y ago
    Only assuming equal roles. These roles assume a huggee and a hugger, as described from the hugger's point of view as a gesture of support.
  - hawski 5y ago
    You can keep hands on someone's lower back and simultaneously they can keep hands on your lower back. The same for shoulders. The first seem fitting to a couple the second when both want to comfort themselves (I would also imagine foreheads touching).
firefoxd 5y ago
Words, words, great words. "When I heard the learn’d astronomer... How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick..." Also, my 2 year old boy gives the best hugs. Here is where he learned https://youtu.be/kQjtK32mGJQ https://youtu.be/kQjtK32mGJQ
gbog 5y ago
Best hug for me is no hug, thanks. I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. I would bet hug is very much a North American thing. I'm French and hate hugs (we kiss on the cheeks, which feels less intrusive to me, but is crasy intrusive in most non-Latin countries). I live in China and, in normal settings, people here won't hug, won't kiss and won't even shake hands (Unrelated to any ongoing pandemic.) I think it is the same in Japan, Korea, India, Pakistan, Indonesia, etc. Hugs between stars at international movie festivals do not reflect real people's life.
- Etheryte 5y ago
  Your experience and perspective on life is not universal and I wouldn't be so quick to generalize. I've had the luck of travelling a fair bit in my life and I would say hugging is common in many cultures, family ties or not. For context I'm not from North America.
  - lelandfe 5y ago
    Yep - every culture (and even family) is different. Heck, I have a close Hong Konger friend who is one of the most physically affectionate people I’ve ever met
- coldtea 5y ago
  >I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. And you'd be wrong. Hugging might not be big in your parts, but is a part of many cultures all around the world. Hardly a 5% rarity. >Hugs between stars at international movie festivals do not reflect real people's life. Nor do norms in a few countries. I've travelled extensively, and I not sure where you got the idea that hugs are something only/mainly happening "between stars at international movie festivals". From what I see "In traditional Chinese culture, hugging is not acceptable, particularly between people of the opposite sex. As Yang Chunmei, a professor at Qufu Normal University, has written, "public displays of affection are a source of embarrassment." Even among spouses, hugging, kissing, or holding hands in public is odd.". But that's not universal. And even in China it apparently changes, if we're to believe this article: https://sinosphere.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/05/07/more-hugs-please-were-chinese/ https://sinosphere.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/05/07/more-hugs-pl...
Thorrez 5y ago
The article says >However, if two people were of nearly the same height, the “neck-waist approach” was found to be slightly more common than when their heights differed drastically. and it links to a different article[1] that says >they guess that neck-waist might be more common when heights differ more drastically. One article says neck-waist is most common when heights are the same, the other says neck-waist is most common when heights are different. So the articles contradict each other. Intuitively I would think neck-waist would be most common when heights are different because the tall person would hug around the neck and the short person would hug around the waist. [1] https://www.science.org/content/article/how-hug-according-science https://www.science.org/content/article/how-hug-according-sc...
- kevinmchugh 5y ago
  Adding to the confusion here, from the original paper: > Height difference did not influence hugging style significantly in study 2. This is surprising in that a criss-cross hug between two people with height differences is rather cumbersome. However, only six dyads had a height difference larger than 20 cm in the current study sample. Thus, the study might not have had sufficient variability to detect the effect of height on hugging style. I'm taller than most and yeah, neck-waist is more common for me. For the right relationships I make an effort to get the waist side. But that has a closeness to it that means I can't use it for everyone
mudita 5y ago
Slightly off-topic: I’m a professional dancer, we specifically train hugging. For contemporary dance, because it’s an important skill for a lot of partnering moves, like jumps involving two persons (an example of partnering: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1BbxTWsoO4&t=13s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1BbxTWsoO4&t=13s). One important detail I found interesting is that for contemporary dancers, it’s not only about the arms, but how to use the whole body for the hug. Many people in everyday life unconsciously lean forward while hugging to keep some distance between their hips. Close hips feel much to intimate in Western culture for most people. We trained to not do that. Instead we trained to stand with slightly offset feet, so we could stand very close to each other and stay upright and to hug with the whole body. This is both aesthetically and especially biomechanically advantageous for dance. Similarly in couple dances like Tango the quality of the hug is very important. I remember many female Tango friends would praise an experienced dancer for his abrazo before anything else.
- Dracophoenix 5y ago
  I know this might be off-topic, but are you familiar with ballroom dance? If so, how does one learn to touch in a way that's not to stilted but doesn't, for lack of better phrasing, "overreach" into intimate territory?
  - bedobi 5y ago
    Not the author of the comment, but I dance socially and from what I've seen and experienced it varies wildly depending on the dancers, style of dance, context etc etc. Eg Sensual Bachata and Urban Kiz are embracing in a intimate way that can be difficult to get used to, but while it may look very overreaching to most people, overwhelmingly, it's really not sexual at all. (unless the dancers want it to be, which does happen but isn't really the norm or point of the dance)
  - gampleman 5y ago
    From my experience its something you just very quickly get used to. Many ballroom dance moves are very difficult to perform correctly with any distance between the bodies (a quick Vienna Waltz really relies on a shared center of gravity). The thing to note with most proper ballroom posture is that the dancers are usually looking in opposite directions which I think reduces the intimacy aspect significantly.
brzezmac 5y ago
"grab her waist, pull her close, lift her up, ..."
tromp 5y ago
This is a pretty good way to hug: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc
- mdrzn 5y ago
  Damn, I need me a 6 minutes hug too!
high_byte 5y ago
> The study sums up its finding on “pleasurable hugs” thus: “We advise using a five-second criss-cross hug to model a familiar and pleasant type of experience.”
- snarf21 5y ago
  Yeah, I think the criss-cross hug is best. I think they are missing some things though for the best hugs. The feet should be alternated the same way you would when slow dancing and that is how close you should be. This allows for a tighter hug that isn't off balanced. Additionally, a slow sway left to right to left is also key for a feeling of comfort. When you do use the criss-cross, make sure you head is on the side of your lower shoulder. This is the easy way to the world's best hugs.
ronenlh 5y ago
According to uppercased Science (science.org), while science.org has the same story in lowercased science.
cmoscoso 5y ago
[dead]
exikyut 5y ago
WARNING: "tumblrgallery . xyz", the "source" for the header image, promptly fed me explicitly NSFW results. Viewer beware. On a less PSA note, I visited the site to check if it was a tumblr API scraper, which it does appear to be. Referencing such sites as (ostensibly) first-order sources is IMO just a couple notches beyond plausible deniability, like a site I chanced upon ages ago with a header image "sourced" from images.google.com. TL;DR: got pedantry-sniped, was handed eyeful. Woops.
Jeff_Brown 5y ago
Five to ten seconds! From a game theoretic perspective, hugging too briefly could be optimal. Even if the majority of people prefer a hug longer than 5 seconds, you might view the slight gain from having hugged them perfectly as not worth the risk that you creep them out. On the other hand, one might consciously want to weed out people uncomfortable with a hug of that duration.
- bruce343434 5y ago
  Not sure what game theory has to do with this?
  - Jeff_Brown 5y ago
    In the most abstract, game theory is the theory of how to interact when you don't know how who you're interacting with will respond. It doesn't imply competition or conflict, even if most common examples have that.
majkinetor 5y ago
I am amazed. Some scientist went to the boss to express interest in studding hugs. And it passed! :) Achievement completed I guess :)
- chaoskanzlerin 5y ago
  to be fair, this one received no (external?) funding
  - majkinetor 5y ago
    I didn't mean anything negative. I am honestly impressed.
  - BizarroLand 5y ago
    Then again, how much could it cost to study hugs?
xutopia 5y ago
I've been to over 100 cuddle parties. One thing that wasn't mentioned in these studies is the context for these hugs matter a lot. Most people avoid cuddle parties because they wouldn't want to cuddle a stranger and their ideas of what the "party" looks like is usually really wrong. The cuddle parties I have been to were organized in such a way to allow people to refuse more easily any request that comes their way. This optimization allows for only truly desired touch to occur. People are asked to channel any sexual desire into affection and in a setting where everyone agrees on this hugs take a whole different form than what I've seen in these studies. If the release of oxytocin is an indication of how effective and healthy touch is I can assure you that lots of people leave a cuddle party feeling like they're on MDMA without having ingested any drugs. The title here states what people prefer but after you've experience hugs like I have the over/under, criss cross is the least of your worries... what about a hug where you are cheek against cheek? What about a hug where you synchronize your breath with the other other individual and both stomachs touch throughout? These are the hugs that I have found most effective in terms of positive feelings and they are possible and desired in a non-sexual setting that optimizes for consent.
- rp1 5y ago
  The concept of a cuddle party is new to me. I’d love to hear more. Specifically, why do people imagine them incorrectly?
  - mygoodaccount 5y ago
    Just looked it up. This is the whitest shit I ever seen lmfao
- callamdelaney 5y ago
  I probably wouldn't boast about the number of cuddle parties one had attended.
- 123pie123 5y ago
  thanks for mentioning this, I've never heard of such a thing I'm both terrfied and eager at the thought of going to one interesting idea in this day and age - espically with covid I accidently touched a finger of bar worker at a pub (in the UK) whilst paying and I instantly got massive shivers all over and also last week my male colleague from India (living in the UK) linked my arm - I do know this happens a lot in Denmark, it did feel very strange walking around the pubs at night linked arms with another male - not unpleasent though
dschuetz 5y ago
I am not sure about this, because I don't like to be hugged at all, and if someone does hug me I want to run away and hide.
- MaxDPS 5y ago
  I like hugging but if you don’t like it, it’s ok to tell people that. The intention behind a hug is to make someone feel more comfortable, but if that doesn’t work for someone, I’d rather them tell me. It might be easier to tell people you are more comfortable with but those are probably people you see more regularly so it’ll still be helpful.
TacticalCoder 5y ago
I was concerned hugging, shaking hands and kissing would be going away due to the pandemic but it seems to have survived... so far: even if for one year or more it was gone. People were all fist bumping or elbow bumping instead of the traditional hand shake or kiss but now it seems to be going back to kisses (at least between french / belgians / russians for those that I know). Hand shakes are back too. Or, well, they were before the Omicron variant. Because seen that the vaccines either aren't working or are working for a very short duration of time (half the people in ER due to Covid are fully vaccinated), it looks like it's another round of lockdowns / scare tactics. The only clear thing is they're non-sterilizing vaccines: what's not even clear is if they're vaccines at all (I got my shots btw, but apparently I'm in the threadmill now for shots every 9 months...). I don't know if people hugging / kissing / shaking hands can survive several years of pandemic fearmongering.
- germinalphrase 5y ago
  You think they’re giving people placebo shots?
- chaoskanzlerin 5y ago
  > (half the people in ER due to Covid are fully vaccinated) I'm sorry to derail, but [citation needed]
  - technothrasher 5y ago
    Even if poster was correct, absolute numbers mean nothing. You have to look at rate of hospitalizations between the vaccinated and unvaccinated. Every measure I've seen has shown a much higher rate of hospitalization in the unvaccinated.
- ripe 5y ago
  > the vaccines either aren't working or are working for a very short duration of time Citation needed. That's an extraordinary statement. The vaccines (at least the ones we have in the US) have very high efficacy and are probably responsible for hundreds of thousands of lives saved to date. For example, Pfizer-BioNTech is 90-95%: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/different-vaccines/Pfizer-BioNTech.html https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/different...
troisdetroie 5y ago
I love to give longer hugs, the issue I run into is that after a certain time I have an erection. This erection doesn't come from sexual arousal, this is just how most penises work, it seems. Does anyone have any tips for avoiding accidental erections?
JohnJamesRambo 5y ago
I'd love to hug but that is pretty much suicide in the workplace. We are taught to never hug or touch someone and that's probably good for lots of people and situations, but I do miss people giving me hugs.
rendx 5y ago
I don't see anyone discussing the position of the head? I was recently taught that it is a much "closer" hug if you put your head to the right of the other person's head than to the left, since the hearts come much closer to each other. I've tried it since, and indeed, it feels more intimate if I put my head to the right.

151 points by rustoo 5y ago

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

Different cultures have different ways of expressing emotions. Hugs are not a big thing outside of the US. But let's make a general statement either ways because it's psychology research after all.

jimbob21 5y ago

Dumb to write this article and not include graphics that demonstrate the hug types.

nextaccountic 5y ago
The published paper that the article talks about is open access and actually has photos https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001691821001918?via%3Dihub https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S000169182... The two hug styles are about the way the arms are crossed
- xtracto 5y ago
  One thing I've always found interesting is the small awkward moment that happens whenever an American and a Mexican meet after some time and proceed to "hug": The American will most likely go for the "shoulder bump greeting" [1] while most Mexicans would go for the standard "criss cross" hug [2]. The result is a couple of seconds of awkward close "dancing". [1] https://shabait.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/sept-21-article-culture-2016.jpg https://shabait.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/sept-21-artic... [2] https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2021/11/16/14/50559763-0-image-a-15_1637074098411.jpg https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2021/11/16/14/50559763-0-image-...
nakedgremlin 5y ago
One of the linked articles has a good visual reference: https://www.science.org/content/article/how-hug-according-science https://www.science.org/content/article/how-hug-according-sc...
tbrake 5y ago
If you'd bothered to read the article you'd have discovered there was no real difference in hug types, and that they were explained perfectly by the text. Instead you skimmed it for pictures like a 5 year old and whined when there weren't any. Be better.
- brujoand 5y ago
  If you had bothered to notice that other people do things differently you’d realize that some of us always skim a text before deciding on if it’s worth our attention. Sometimes we win by not wasting our time, sometimes you win by reading something interesting that looked boring on the surface. Don’t be so judgmental.
  - tbrake 5y ago
    I absolutely will judge someone who calls the way an article is written "dumb" like an entitled brat
    - acrobatsunfish 5y ago
      Sounds like you need a type 3 hug
gregoriol 5y ago
I also would love a "tl;dr" paragraph, an abstract would help would be readers to device if it's worth reading the whole thing

Fire-Dragon-DoL 5y ago

From my understanding, this test was between strangers, what about between very close people? (partner, child, parent). I can hug my children or partner for minutes. Avid hugger.

nakedgremlin 5y ago

I think the different hug styles also depend on the heights of the individuals. I personally think it's tough for a criss-cross hug approach when the height differential is more than a foot.

sandermvanvliet 5y ago
I’m over 2m tall (2.08m / 6’10) and I once almost broke the nose of one of my friends with my shoulder trying to give him a hug.. Needless to say I’m a lot more careful now
- ninjinxo 5y ago
  "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other." -Frank M.

quelsolaar 5y ago

Friends: one arm over, one under. Praise or love: both arms under. Comforting: both arms over.

stavros 5y ago
Then, by definition, one of the participants will always be praising and the other will be comforting, unless you use the cross-hug.
- LesZedCB 5y ago
  well hugs can be directional or mutual too. two friends hug each other, mutually. a comforting partner gives their partner a hug, who receives it. a parent praises their child with a hug.
  - stavros 5y ago
    Yeah but if you go with "arm position means X", it can only be that for one of the two people.
    - barbazoo 5y ago
      I think you're all overthinking hugging :)
- dotancohen 5y ago
  Only assuming equal roles. These roles assume a huggee and a hugger, as described from the hugger's point of view as a gesture of support.
- hawski 5y ago
  You can keep hands on someone's lower back and simultaneously they can keep hands on your lower back. The same for shoulders. The first seem fitting to a couple the second when both want to comfort themselves (I would also imagine foreheads touching).

firefoxd 5y ago

Words, words, great words. "When I heard the learn’d astronomer... How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick..." Also, my 2 year old boy gives the best hugs. Here is where he learned https://youtu.be/kQjtK32mGJQ https://youtu.be/kQjtK32mGJQ

gbog 5y ago

Best hug for me is no hug, thanks. I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. I would bet hug is very much a North American thing. I'm French and hate hugs (we kiss on the cheeks, which feels less intrusive to me, but is crasy intrusive in most non-Latin countries). I live in China and, in normal settings, people here won't hug, won't kiss and won't even shake hands (Unrelated to any ongoing pandemic.) I think it is the same in Japan, Korea, India, Pakistan, Indonesia, etc. Hugs between stars at international movie festivals do not reflect real people's life.

Etheryte 5y ago
Your experience and perspective on life is not universal and I wouldn't be so quick to generalize. I've had the luck of travelling a fair bit in my life and I would say hugging is common in many cultures, family ties or not. For context I'm not from North America.
- lelandfe 5y ago
  Yep - every culture (and even family) is different. Heck, I have a close Hong Konger friend who is one of the most physically affectionate people I’ve ever met
coldtea 5y ago
>I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. And you'd be wrong. Hugging might not be big in your parts, but is a part of many cultures all around the world. Hardly a 5% rarity. >Hugs between stars at international movie festivals do not reflect real people's life. Nor do norms in a few countries. I've travelled extensively, and I not sure where you got the idea that hugs are something only/mainly happening "between stars at international movie festivals". From what I see "In traditional Chinese culture, hugging is not acceptable, particularly between people of the opposite sex. As Yang Chunmei, a professor at Qufu Normal University, has written, "public displays of affection are a source of embarrassment." Even among spouses, hugging, kissing, or holding hands in public is odd.". But that's not universal. And even in China it apparently changes, if we're to believe this article: https://sinosphere.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/05/07/more-hugs-please-were-chinese/ https://sinosphere.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/05/07/more-hugs-pl...

Thorrez 5y ago

The article says >However, if two people were of nearly the same height, the “neck-waist approach” was found to be slightly more common than when their heights differed drastically. and it links to a different article[1] that says >they guess that neck-waist might be more common when heights differ more drastically. One article says neck-waist is most common when heights are the same, the other says neck-waist is most common when heights are different. So the articles contradict each other. Intuitively I would think neck-waist would be most common when heights are different because the tall person would hug around the neck and the short person would hug around the waist. [1] https://www.science.org/content/article/how-hug-according-science https://www.science.org/content/article/how-hug-according-sc...

kevinmchugh 5y ago
Adding to the confusion here, from the original paper: > Height difference did not influence hugging style significantly in study 2. This is surprising in that a criss-cross hug between two people with height differences is rather cumbersome. However, only six dyads had a height difference larger than 20 cm in the current study sample. Thus, the study might not have had sufficient variability to detect the effect of height on hugging style. I'm taller than most and yeah, neck-waist is more common for me. For the right relationships I make an effort to get the waist side. But that has a closeness to it that means I can't use it for everyone

mudita 5y ago

Slightly off-topic: I’m a professional dancer, we specifically train hugging. For contemporary dance, because it’s an important skill for a lot of partnering moves, like jumps involving two persons (an example of partnering: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1BbxTWsoO4&t=13s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1BbxTWsoO4&t=13s). One important detail I found interesting is that for contemporary dancers, it’s not only about the arms, but how to use the whole body for the hug. Many people in everyday life unconsciously lean forward while hugging to keep some distance between their hips. Close hips feel much to intimate in Western culture for most people. We trained to not do that. Instead we trained to stand with slightly offset feet, so we could stand very close to each other and stay upright and to hug with the whole body. This is both aesthetically and especially biomechanically advantageous for dance. Similarly in couple dances like Tango the quality of the hug is very important. I remember many female Tango friends would praise an experienced dancer for his abrazo before anything else.

Dracophoenix 5y ago
I know this might be off-topic, but are you familiar with ballroom dance? If so, how does one learn to touch in a way that's not to stilted but doesn't, for lack of better phrasing, "overreach" into intimate territory?
- bedobi 5y ago
  Not the author of the comment, but I dance socially and from what I've seen and experienced it varies wildly depending on the dancers, style of dance, context etc etc. Eg Sensual Bachata and Urban Kiz are embracing in a intimate way that can be difficult to get used to, but while it may look very overreaching to most people, overwhelmingly, it's really not sexual at all. (unless the dancers want it to be, which does happen but isn't really the norm or point of the dance)
- gampleman 5y ago
  From my experience its something you just very quickly get used to. Many ballroom dance moves are very difficult to perform correctly with any distance between the bodies (a quick Vienna Waltz really relies on a shared center of gravity). The thing to note with most proper ballroom posture is that the dancers are usually looking in opposite directions which I think reduces the intimacy aspect significantly.

brzezmac 5y ago

"grab her waist, pull her close, lift her up, ..."

tromp 5y ago

This is a pretty good way to hug: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc

mdrzn 5y ago
Damn, I need me a 6 minutes hug too!

high_byte 5y ago

> The study sums up its finding on “pleasurable hugs” thus: “We advise using a five-second criss-cross hug to model a familiar and pleasant type of experience.”

snarf21 5y ago
Yeah, I think the criss-cross hug is best. I think they are missing some things though for the best hugs. The feet should be alternated the same way you would when slow dancing and that is how close you should be. This allows for a tighter hug that isn't off balanced. Additionally, a slow sway left to right to left is also key for a feeling of comfort. When you do use the criss-cross, make sure you head is on the side of your lower shoulder. This is the easy way to the world's best hugs.

ronenlh 5y ago

According to uppercased Science (science.org), while science.org has the same story in lowercased science.

cmoscoso 5y ago

[dead]

exikyut 5y ago

WARNING: "tumblrgallery . xyz", the "source" for the header image, promptly fed me explicitly NSFW results. Viewer beware. On a less PSA note, I visited the site to check if it was a tumblr API scraper, which it does appear to be. Referencing such sites as (ostensibly) first-order sources is IMO just a couple notches beyond plausible deniability, like a site I chanced upon ages ago with a header image "sourced" from images.google.com. TL;DR: got pedantry-sniped, was handed eyeful. Woops.

Jeff_Brown 5y ago

Five to ten seconds! From a game theoretic perspective, hugging too briefly could be optimal. Even if the majority of people prefer a hug longer than 5 seconds, you might view the slight gain from having hugged them perfectly as not worth the risk that you creep them out. On the other hand, one might consciously want to weed out people uncomfortable with a hug of that duration.

bruce343434 5y ago
Not sure what game theory has to do with this?
- Jeff_Brown 5y ago
  In the most abstract, game theory is the theory of how to interact when you don't know how who you're interacting with will respond. It doesn't imply competition or conflict, even if most common examples have that.

majkinetor 5y ago

I am amazed. Some scientist went to the boss to express interest in studding hugs. And it passed! :) Achievement completed I guess :)

chaoskanzlerin 5y ago
to be fair, this one received no (external?) funding
- majkinetor 5y ago
  I didn't mean anything negative. I am honestly impressed.
- BizarroLand 5y ago
  Then again, how much could it cost to study hugs?

xutopia 5y ago

I've been to over 100 cuddle parties. One thing that wasn't mentioned in these studies is the context for these hugs matter a lot. Most people avoid cuddle parties because they wouldn't want to cuddle a stranger and their ideas of what the "party" looks like is usually really wrong. The cuddle parties I have been to were organized in such a way to allow people to refuse more easily any request that comes their way. This optimization allows for only truly desired touch to occur. People are asked to channel any sexual desire into affection and in a setting where everyone agrees on this hugs take a whole different form than what I've seen in these studies. If the release of oxytocin is an indication of how effective and healthy touch is I can assure you that lots of people leave a cuddle party feeling like they're on MDMA without having ingested any drugs. The title here states what people prefer but after you've experience hugs like I have the over/under, criss cross is the least of your worries... what about a hug where you are cheek against cheek? What about a hug where you synchronize your breath with the other other individual and both stomachs touch throughout? These are the hugs that I have found most effective in terms of positive feelings and they are possible and desired in a non-sexual setting that optimizes for consent.

rp1 5y ago
The concept of a cuddle party is new to me. I’d love to hear more. Specifically, why do people imagine them incorrectly?
- mygoodaccount 5y ago
  Just looked it up. This is the whitest shit I ever seen lmfao
callamdelaney 5y ago
I probably wouldn't boast about the number of cuddle parties one had attended.
123pie123 5y ago
thanks for mentioning this, I've never heard of such a thing I'm both terrfied and eager at the thought of going to one interesting idea in this day and age - espically with covid I accidently touched a finger of bar worker at a pub (in the UK) whilst paying and I instantly got massive shivers all over and also last week my male colleague from India (living in the UK) linked my arm - I do know this happens a lot in Denmark, it did feel very strange walking around the pubs at night linked arms with another male - not unpleasent though

dschuetz 5y ago

I am not sure about this, because I don't like to be hugged at all, and if someone does hug me I want to run away and hide.

MaxDPS 5y ago
I like hugging but if you don’t like it, it’s ok to tell people that. The intention behind a hug is to make someone feel more comfortable, but if that doesn’t work for someone, I’d rather them tell me. It might be easier to tell people you are more comfortable with but those are probably people you see more regularly so it’ll still be helpful.

TacticalCoder 5y ago

I was concerned hugging, shaking hands and kissing would be going away due to the pandemic but it seems to have survived... so far: even if for one year or more it was gone. People were all fist bumping or elbow bumping instead of the traditional hand shake or kiss but now it seems to be going back to kisses (at least between french / belgians / russians for those that I know). Hand shakes are back too. Or, well, they were before the Omicron variant. Because seen that the vaccines either aren't working or are working for a very short duration of time (half the people in ER due to Covid are fully vaccinated), it looks like it's another round of lockdowns / scare tactics. The only clear thing is they're non-sterilizing vaccines: what's not even clear is if they're vaccines at all (I got my shots btw, but apparently I'm in the threadmill now for shots every 9 months...). I don't know if people hugging / kissing / shaking hands can survive several years of pandemic fearmongering.

germinalphrase 5y ago
You think they’re giving people placebo shots?
chaoskanzlerin 5y ago
> (half the people in ER due to Covid are fully vaccinated) I'm sorry to derail, but [citation needed]
- technothrasher 5y ago
  Even if poster was correct, absolute numbers mean nothing. You have to look at rate of hospitalizations between the vaccinated and unvaccinated. Every measure I've seen has shown a much higher rate of hospitalization in the unvaccinated.
ripe 5y ago
> the vaccines either aren't working or are working for a very short duration of time Citation needed. That's an extraordinary statement. The vaccines (at least the ones we have in the US) have very high efficacy and are probably responsible for hundreds of thousands of lives saved to date. For example, Pfizer-BioNTech is 90-95%: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/different-vaccines/Pfizer-BioNTech.html https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/different...

troisdetroie 5y ago

I love to give longer hugs, the issue I run into is that after a certain time I have an erection. This erection doesn't come from sexual arousal, this is just how most penises work, it seems. Does anyone have any tips for avoiding accidental erections?

JohnJamesRambo 5y ago

I'd love to hug but that is pretty much suicide in the workplace. We are taught to never hug or touch someone and that's probably good for lots of people and situations, but I do miss people giving me hugs.

rendx 5y ago

I don't see anyone discussing the position of the head? I was recently taught that it is a much "closer" hug if you put your head to the right of the other person's head than to the left, since the hearts come much closer to each other. I've tried it since, and indeed, it feels more intimate if I put my head to the right.