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This is likely an opinion that will get downvoted and flagged, but I fail to see a negative in having a parent stay home to directly raise their children. I am

This is likely an opinion that will get downvoted and flagged, but I fail to see a negative in having a parent stay home to directly raise their children. I am an immigrant to the US, been married for 11 years, have two kids, and in that entire time have only ever had one working adult in the family, and I am the one that is lesser educated of the two yet I still earn enough to provide for my family. My spouse chose to stay home with the children because doing so gives them a far higher chance of success since there is a much higher percentage of direct involvement in their learning. That is not to mention that we have homeschooled our children for the last 5 years so the school closure wasn't even that big a deal for us. All of it on a sub 100k income. So, I question why having a parent stay at home is seen as such a bad thing. Does going from a two-income household to a single-income household require change? Certainly. But I don't look down on those who live in two-income households, and I get a little frustrated at all the negativity against living in a single-income household.

eesmith 5y ago
Often in the US and UK it is the women who is expected to stay at home and care for the children or invalid family. This might be because women are paid less (for various reasons, including that women tend to be younger than their husbands), so as with MisterBastahrd, it makes economic sense to do that. However, that means women don't get as much advancement in their career, which means women tend to be underpaid with respect to men, building in a gender bias against women in more senior position. As the Guardian piece says: > American disinvestment in the care economy has waged a war of attrition on women’s employment, with women forced to chose between jobs where they are paid too little and childcare solutions that cost too much. The result has been a massive loss of talent, creativity and human potential from the paid economy. When care is not invested in, women are not prioritized – and that means that half of the nation’s minds risk being exiled to the domestic sphere. The income disparity can also leads to family strife, along the lines of one person arguing "I bring home the bacon, I decide where it get spent." In some cases of domestic abuse, the non-wage-earner has no money nor job of (typically) her own, so can't easily escape the situation. The deeper issue is that unpaid labor like raising children is often regarded as less important than paid labor. See for example the "Wages for Housework" movement (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wages_for_housework https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wages_for_housework) demanding the state page wages for unwaged caring work. In Italy, where this movement started in the 1970s, one observation was "and all this work that the woman does, an average of 99.6 hours weekly, without the possibility of strikes, nor absenteeism, nor to make any demands, is done for free" (quoting https://libcom.org/history/italian-feminism-workerism-autonomy-1970s-struggle-against-unpaid-reproductive-labour-vi https://libcom.org/history/italian-feminism-workerism-autono... ). You can even see this negative attitude towards unpaid labor in the Guardian quote, where it said "exiled to the domestic sphere." Another option is the Nordic model, where both parents get extensive paid parental leave by the state (totaling over a year), with highly subsidized preschool starting at age one, with highly-qualified teachers, and with a monthly payment by the state to help pay for the kid. This still gives the option for one parent to work from home, but also allows both parents to have a full-time career as well, should they choose. Which leads to your comment. This article is about families where both parents want to work but no longer have that option. You had the option. While you may face social negativity as a result, consider those who now a) may face the same social negativity, AND b) don't want to be an unpaid care giver.
MisterBastahrd 5y ago
Just because it works for you doesn't mean it's ideal for everyone else. If you read what I wrote, we had 2 kids. We were forced to take in 2 more to keep those children out of the system. Because we aren't married, when she had a major medical issue, I had to basically drain my savings to pay for it because she had no way to do so and no insurance. Because the adoption took longer than expected due to COVID issues, the state stopped payments for the foster kids altogether and I had to make up that shortcoming. It turned my entire tax situation upside down. It works for you? That's great. It's hell for me.

eesmith 5y ago

Often in the US and UK it is the women who is expected to stay at home and care for the children or invalid family. This might be because women are paid less (for various reasons, including that women tend to be younger than their husbands), so as with MisterBastahrd, it makes economic sense to do that. However, that means women don't get as much advancement in their career, which means women tend to be underpaid with respect to men, building in a gender bias against women in more senior position. As the Guardian piece says: > American disinvestment in the care economy has waged a war of attrition on women’s employment, with women forced to chose between jobs where they are paid too little and childcare solutions that cost too much. The result has been a massive loss of talent, creativity and human potential from the paid economy. When care is not invested in, women are not prioritized – and that means that half of the nation’s minds risk being exiled to the domestic sphere. The income disparity can also leads to family strife, along the lines of one person arguing "I bring home the bacon, I decide where it get spent." In some cases of domestic abuse, the non-wage-earner has no money nor job of (typically) her own, so can't easily escape the situation. The deeper issue is that unpaid labor like raising children is often regarded as less important than paid labor. See for example the "Wages for Housework" movement (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wages_for_housework https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wages_for_housework) demanding the state page wages for unwaged caring work. In Italy, where this movement started in the 1970s, one observation was "and all this work that the woman does, an average of 99.6 hours weekly, without the possibility of strikes, nor absenteeism, nor to make any demands, is done for free" (quoting https://libcom.org/history/italian-feminism-workerism-autonomy-1970s-struggle-against-unpaid-reproductive-labour-vi https://libcom.org/history/italian-feminism-workerism-autono... ). You can even see this negative attitude towards unpaid labor in the Guardian quote, where it said "exiled to the domestic sphere." Another option is the Nordic model, where both parents get extensive paid parental leave by the state (totaling over a year), with highly subsidized preschool starting at age one, with highly-qualified teachers, and with a monthly payment by the state to help pay for the kid. This still gives the option for one parent to work from home, but also allows both parents to have a full-time career as well, should they choose. Which leads to your comment. This article is about families where both parents want to work but no longer have that option. You had the option. While you may face social negativity as a result, consider those who now a) may face the same social negativity, AND b) don't want to be an unpaid care giver.

MisterBastahrd 5y ago

Just because it works for you doesn't mean it's ideal for everyone else. If you read what I wrote, we had 2 kids. We were forced to take in 2 more to keep those children out of the system. Because we aren't married, when she had a major medical issue, I had to basically drain my savings to pay for it because she had no way to do so and no insurance. Because the adoption took longer than expected due to COVID issues, the state stopped payments for the foster kids altogether and I had to make up that shortcoming. It turned my entire tax situation upside down. It works for you? That's great. It's hell for me.