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I think certain principles of it are very simple yet may take time for people to learn. I also have found that sometimes I've felt overwhelmed with the number o

I think certain principles of it are very simple yet may take time for people to learn. I also have found that sometimes I've felt overwhelmed with the number of steps of NVC and sometimes how it seems to require two people to participate. So I created a three-step process that may be similar to NVC but with just three steps and only requiring one person, I find it pretty easy to remember and have seen people learn (the basics of) it quickly. Step 1) truth Step 2) fair play Step 3) love 1) tell the truth about how you actually feel: most of us don't do this and when we do, other people will often better trust what we say. 2) tell the other person how you imagine they might be feeling: let's them know you're considering how they feel, with an emphasis on not knowing for sure. 3) say one thing to connect with love: I'm sorry, I hope you have a good day, etc. I've found this to work very well in my life, and have had people use it successfully with very little training. At the same time, i feel confident it will take a lifetime to master :-) Anyway, I hope that helps and you find it relevant to your repsonse.

SkittyDog 5y ago
Well, I definitely appreciate your response :-) I know this is kinda meta, but I was fascinated by how my comment yesterday jumped to +5, then down to zero, and seems to have ended up at +2 now. I had no idea that NVC would be such a polarizing discussion. I'm wondering if maybe some other folks had some bad experiences with it?
- jimkleiber 5y ago
  I'm not sure, however, I think NVC has made people feel a lot of things. Some people feel incredibly grateful for it, as it may have saved their lives. Some people feel incredibly angry at it, as someone in their life almost forced them into using it when they didn't want to. Others may have lots of other reactions to it. Most people I've met, who have heard of it, seem to have a strong reaction to it, with few people seeming to feel indifferent to it. I assume that a lot of the negative reaction to it is how others seem to force people into doing NVC because, as I mentioned, it often seems like a two-player game. So, if I learn NVC and you don't, then I can sometimes try to force you to speak the NVC language so that we're playing the same game. But, again, I'm not quite sure. Although now I'm more curious to dive into the reviews of it to learn why people feel attracted to or repelled from it.
  - SkittyDog 5y ago
    > ...Some people feel incredibly angry at it, as someone in their life almost forced them into using it when they didn't want to. This is a really good point, and it's an angle I didn't honestly consider. NVC is a goddamn superpower for dealing with people who are being difficult... I guess it makes sense that there are people who have been on the receiving end, and couldn't get their own needs met. I'm really glad we both participated in this discussion... Really nice to get an eye-opener like this.
    - jimkleiber 5y ago
      >I guess it makes sense that there are people who have been on the receiving end, and couldn't get their own needs met. I've run into similar challenges with those three steps I talked about. I haven't been deeply steeped in NVC so I may have it wrong—my impression is that it doesn't do step 2 very well, or articulating how I imagine the other person is feeling. Often it seems to leave that part to a question, requesting the other person answer what they need and often, people can't answer it or don't want to. While basic questions, I find they challenge me and many others: how do I feel, what do I want, what do I need? So with NVC, I think it almost requires the other person to answer that and get into a dialogue about what both people need and if the one person doesn't know or doesn't want to, it can almost become a standstill and then lead to more frustation..."I'm saying what I need, I need you to say what you need. What do you need???"

SkittyDog 5y ago

Well, I definitely appreciate your response :-) I know this is kinda meta, but I was fascinated by how my comment yesterday jumped to +5, then down to zero, and seems to have ended up at +2 now. I had no idea that NVC would be such a polarizing discussion. I'm wondering if maybe some other folks had some bad experiences with it?

jimkleiber 5y ago
I'm not sure, however, I think NVC has made people feel a lot of things. Some people feel incredibly grateful for it, as it may have saved their lives. Some people feel incredibly angry at it, as someone in their life almost forced them into using it when they didn't want to. Others may have lots of other reactions to it. Most people I've met, who have heard of it, seem to have a strong reaction to it, with few people seeming to feel indifferent to it. I assume that a lot of the negative reaction to it is how others seem to force people into doing NVC because, as I mentioned, it often seems like a two-player game. So, if I learn NVC and you don't, then I can sometimes try to force you to speak the NVC language so that we're playing the same game. But, again, I'm not quite sure. Although now I'm more curious to dive into the reviews of it to learn why people feel attracted to or repelled from it.
- SkittyDog 5y ago
  > ...Some people feel incredibly angry at it, as someone in their life almost forced them into using it when they didn't want to. This is a really good point, and it's an angle I didn't honestly consider. NVC is a goddamn superpower for dealing with people who are being difficult... I guess it makes sense that there are people who have been on the receiving end, and couldn't get their own needs met. I'm really glad we both participated in this discussion... Really nice to get an eye-opener like this.
  - jimkleiber 5y ago
    >I guess it makes sense that there are people who have been on the receiving end, and couldn't get their own needs met. I've run into similar challenges with those three steps I talked about. I haven't been deeply steeped in NVC so I may have it wrong—my impression is that it doesn't do step 2 very well, or articulating how I imagine the other person is feeling. Often it seems to leave that part to a question, requesting the other person answer what they need and often, people can't answer it or don't want to. While basic questions, I find they challenge me and many others: how do I feel, what do I want, what do I need? So with NVC, I think it almost requires the other person to answer that and get into a dialogue about what both people need and if the one person doesn't know or doesn't want to, it can almost become a standstill and then lead to more frustation..."I'm saying what I need, I need you to say what you need. What do you need???"