It sounds like you're suffering from a spectacularly severe case of Imposter Syndrome. I can relate because I suffered the same when I cared a lot about what o

It sounds like you're suffering from a spectacularly severe case of Imposter Syndrome. I can relate because I suffered the same when I cared a lot about what others thought about me. I can't explain exactly how I broke free of this mindset but I think that the people around me helped a lot. They supported me, encouraged me, cared about me, and gave me the confidence to be less self-conscious in almost every aspect of my life. I stopped asking "why me?" and started asking "why not me?". You already have the most important trait you need to succeed in anything: 'always in “learning mode”'. Best technologists I've met have always agreed that they don't know everything but they're willing to keep learning.