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I recently had a similar epiphany, but for me, the judgement I found was internal. Essentially, when in social situations where I do not understand all of the
by DanHulton 5y ago
I recently had a similar epiphany, but for me, the judgement I found was internal. Essentially, when in social situations where I do not understand all of the expectations (my SO, long-standing friends, familiar work settings), I'm not able to be in the moment, and have what I have described as a "monitor process" running, analyzing the situation, my interactions, peoples reactions to them, etc. Running that "monitor process" (yes, I'm a computer nerd, how did you know) is _exhausting,_ but effective.
For example, people say I'm good with kids, but it is definitely not natural. I'm redlining that process to evaluate the situation and react appropriately. I know friends who just "recharge" when hanging out with kids. I'd say _they're_ good with kids, I can just fake it for an afternoon (and then I need a nap).
I've also noticed it with D&D. I enjoy getting out and playing it with friends, but also, it becomes a group of new people, kinda, and you're a new person, kinda, so again that "monitor process" comes into play, and by the time we're done a session and I get home, I just kind of need to crawl into a chair and read a book in silence for an hour.
But definitely, absolutely, it's that judgement you mention that's a primary factor, I guess I just see that judgement (personally) coming as more of an internal force.
- vidarh 5y agoThat might well match me better than the person above, in that it fits well with the fact I don't have a problem with people I can keep at a distance and where I understand the expectations just fine (e.g. holding a speech happens within a very narrow set of parameters; I don't need to interact much with people) draining me, but even my son is exhausting (I still love spending time with him, but need time to "recover").