4 ms·

I find kids overwhelming, in fact, if I had kids (I don't yet) I would be constantly worried about making sure they get the best of life. I have a dog and he is

by nelblu 5y ago

I find kids overwhelming, in fact, if I had kids (I don't yet) I would be constantly worried about making sure they get the best of life. I have a dog and he is already a lot of work, I even feel bad on days when it rains and I can't take him out as long as I would like to. I feel bad when I go out for dinner with friends and have to leave him alone. The feeling of raising a dependent is not fun (for me at least). It definitely gives me a sense of purpose every day but the thought of going away from him makes me very anxious. I almost feel it is a happier life to have lived like a nobody. I can relate to the OP because I feel exactly like him many times. But then I remind myself that we are all stardust and there is inherently no purpose to life. Somehow that makes me feel very calm.

flyinglizard 5y ago
Just stop feeling bad about these things. You are probably doing 99% right (just by trying) and it’s the completely insignificant, outright noise 1% which brings you down.
bladegash 5y ago
Your post reminded me of when my first daughter was born. I remember me and my ex-wife would wonder, “how do people do this with two children!?”. Not too long after, we had our second daughter. We very quickly realized that the answer to the question was “you just do”. At least for me, I also realized our second daughter got less attention/coddling, but turned out just as great/spirited/happy. Sometimes, I recognize that I hold myself to an unrealistically high standard/expectation. While setting the bar high can help one accomplish great things, but can also leave them feeling like they never measure up to their unreasonably high standards. Kids are a lot of work for sure and require a lot of sacrifice. However, I hope you don’t avoid having kids because you don’t think you can be a good enough parent. The fact you are worried about it is already a sign, in my book, you’d make a pretty great and thoughtful parent.
orangepurple 5y ago
Don't worry. The more kids you have the more your grip on them spirals out of control as they interact with others and develop their own agency and personality. So you do the best you can for them every day, and the butterfly effect will do the rest.

by nelblu 5y ago

flyinglizard 5y ago

Just stop feeling bad about these things. You are probably doing 99% right (just by trying) and it’s the completely insignificant, outright noise 1% which brings you down.

bladegash 5y ago

Your post reminded me of when my first daughter was born. I remember me and my ex-wife would wonder, “how do people do this with two children!?”. Not too long after, we had our second daughter. We very quickly realized that the answer to the question was “you just do”. At least for me, I also realized our second daughter got less attention/coddling, but turned out just as great/spirited/happy. Sometimes, I recognize that I hold myself to an unrealistically high standard/expectation. While setting the bar high can help one accomplish great things, but can also leave them feeling like they never measure up to their unreasonably high standards. Kids are a lot of work for sure and require a lot of sacrifice. However, I hope you don’t avoid having kids because you don’t think you can be a good enough parent. The fact you are worried about it is already a sign, in my book, you’d make a pretty great and thoughtful parent.

orangepurple 5y ago

Don't worry. The more kids you have the more your grip on them spirals out of control as they interact with others and develop their own agency and personality. So you do the best you can for them every day, and the butterfly effect will do the rest.