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I feel OP is painting very black & white, but a little exaggeration might help convey the importance. Also I'm currently more in a white phase, than a black one

by Cilvic 5y ago

I feel OP is painting very black & white, but a little exaggeration might help convey the importance. Also I'm currently more in a white phase, than a black one. That being said, I was drawn to the thread for helpful replies and enjoyed feeling that I'm not alone in feeling like OP. Your reply resonated most with me personally. I even told my wife about it specifically and would like to explore it more. >Start digging _deep_ for your good qualities, remind yourself of them constantly. >Start doing the opposite, and work on radical acceptance. I have a fundamental feeling, that I should do this even more. I have been seeing a therapist a couple of years back who helped me there. No that I'm OK, I struggle to go there more in order to go from OK to GREAT, it feels entitled. >You are probably much smarter, much more talented, and have more good qualities than you realize. One part of me, knows that on a "for a fact" level. But another part immediately spoils the party by calling that "arrogant", "full of myself". It's all relative as others have said pick the general population in my city, country, planet and I'm "successful". Pick the 0.00001% NBA-all stars and I'm not. I was trying to research more about what "insecure overachievers" can do to help accept/unlock themselves. >You can find joy and happiness in life, once you accept that what that looks like for you is different than how it looks for other people. Acceptance is key. Again this is hard for me personally to internalize. My first reaction is dismissing that statement as "entitled". "Oh do you think you're so special you need a special definition of joy and happiness and success?" Probably, because (i) I have been taught and (ii) I'm telling myself and (iii) teaching my kids now that "entitlement" is not good. Having re-read the statement over and over, it's less clear how it can spark these negative emotions against myself. Of course we are all beautiful snowflakes, that's also something I learned, believe and teach my kids. Why is it so much easier for me to grant that privilege to every human being than to myself? Thank you for reading.

jrsdav 5y ago
Thanks for your thoughts! A note on the one about entitlement: Everyone is _entitled_ to have their experience of reality acknowledged (this opens up a can of worms, but bear with me). Someone who is neurodivergent (like OP) experiences reality differently than someone who is neurotypical. It's subjective, and hand-wavy, I know. But to some greater extent, we have to respect _and accept_ what people tell us about themselves. I liken it to being a parent, when you see your child worrying about something, or saying something you disagree with. Instead of trying to force your viewpoint on them by telling them how they _should_ feel (have you ever caught yourself doing that? I know I have), why not ask them _why_ they feel like that? You gain understanding, and through understanding discovery, which leads to acceptance and a deepening of empathy for individual experience. I've personally discovered that what comes across as well intentioned "advice" can often feel a lot like shame. And shame, is the death of joy. It only leads one direction -- downwards. So my "advice" is generally to listen more, to _accept_ more. Anyways, that's what I was getting at. Hopefully this helps add clarity.

by Cilvic 5y ago

jrsdav 5y ago

Thanks for your thoughts! A note on the one about entitlement: Everyone is _entitled_ to have their experience of reality acknowledged (this opens up a can of worms, but bear with me). Someone who is neurodivergent (like OP) experiences reality differently than someone who is neurotypical. It's subjective, and hand-wavy, I know. But to some greater extent, we have to respect _and accept_ what people tell us about themselves. I liken it to being a parent, when you see your child worrying about something, or saying something you disagree with. Instead of trying to force your viewpoint on them by telling them how they _should_ feel (have you ever caught yourself doing that? I know I have), why not ask them _why_ they feel like that? You gain understanding, and through understanding discovery, which leads to acceptance and a deepening of empathy for individual experience. I've personally discovered that what comes across as well intentioned "advice" can often feel a lot like shame. And shame, is the death of joy. It only leads one direction -- downwards. So my "advice" is generally to listen more, to _accept_ more. Anyways, that's what I was getting at. Hopefully this helps add clarity.