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My recommendation: feel your feelings, all the way through. There might be some tendency, when you feel small, to feel bad about feeling small — as though it i

My recommendation: feel your feelings, all the way through. There might be some tendency, when you feel small, to feel bad about feeling small — as though it is further evidence of your worthlessness — and that itself makes you feel worse, and down the spiral you go... Been there (: But if you make space for (or even _welcome_) those feelings, even if you don't like them, then in my experience you end up at a better place. I only mention this because you seem to be beating yourself up about this ("I feel shallow/dumb"). You can feel bad and still be a good person; it's an easy mixup to make. (I am reminded of this funny image: https://i.redd.it/9ubhqov2u9k01.jpg https://i.redd.it/9ubhqov2u9k01.jpg [1]) Also, not that this makes your feelings go away, but looking at people who are rich/smart/influential/famous is looking at outliers, and people who likely had a lot of luck in their background, upbringing, genes, education, being-in-the-right-place-at-the-right-time, etc. etc. to achieve their success, on top of their hard work. For every succesful indie video game, there are 1000 people who worked just as hard on theirs but didn't get a big break. The same is true in all sorts of areas of life, big to small. And just in general, FWIW, I don't recommend judging your self-worth by comparing to others, whether they're outliers or not (: But sorry you're feeling down; *internet hug*. [1] (in case the direct link dies) https://old.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/comments/82lny8/i_wanted_to_cry/ https://old.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/comments/82lny8/i_wa...

baby 5y ago
I have a hard time understanding what you mean by welcoming them, or feeling them through. But if I interpret that as “accepting it”, as in understanding that it’s totally fine and that pressure is always created from comparing yourself, then I agree. Feynmann himself is famous for saying “disregards”.
- interroboink 5y ago
  > what you mean by welcoming them, or feeling them through. But if I interpret that as “accepting it” ... I think acceptance is the right idea, yes. There can be some urge to deny one's own emotions, perhaps push them aside as some sort of inconvenience or character flaw. Some might inwardly shout at themselves "stop whining! you're selfish to wallow like this!" (or any number of variations, both quiet and loud). That tends to just create more misery down the line, IMO. So, "welcoming" was meant as the opposite of that. And processing emotions takes time, so by "feeling them through" I just meant allowing that process to run its course, rather than trying to inhibit or deny it. I don't think there's any stopping it, you just have to ride the wave. YMMV of course, I'm no psychologist (:
  - huge87 5y ago
    This is a common thread in many traditions of wisdom. The words change (surrender, accept, be with, open to, observe, witness, feel, welcome, embrace etc.) but the idea is the same: you have to feel difficult emotions fully in order to process them. Dr. K's Healthy Gamer Twitch stream offered another descriptor I like - digest. Emotions can be digested if you allow yourself to feel them without getting swept away or identified with them. That which you resist, persists. I could go on, but your comment reminded me that sages and therapists have pointed to the same thing.
- DyslexicAtheist 5y ago
  not OP but for me it means not sedating myself with drugs or distraction. But to stop what I am doing and let that feeling rush over me so I can study it and learn from what that feeling is teaching me. Why do I feel that way? is it rational? Oh it is just a feeling. It will not last. Creating this habit allows me to be clearer about what triggers my emotions, how to deal with them and fix the underlying cause. Once fixed new emotions or fears always come sooner or later again (and they always will), but I know I can deal with it.
- jdironman 5y ago
  That's how interpreted it. As the monks during meditation would say, don't try to fight your thoughts and have an "empty mind" which is impossible, but instead examine and observe your thoughts freely.

baby 5y ago

I have a hard time understanding what you mean by welcoming them, or feeling them through. But if I interpret that as “accepting it”, as in understanding that it’s totally fine and that pressure is always created from comparing yourself, then I agree. Feynmann himself is famous for saying “disregards”.

interroboink 5y ago
> what you mean by welcoming them, or feeling them through. But if I interpret that as “accepting it” ... I think acceptance is the right idea, yes. There can be some urge to deny one's own emotions, perhaps push them aside as some sort of inconvenience or character flaw. Some might inwardly shout at themselves "stop whining! you're selfish to wallow like this!" (or any number of variations, both quiet and loud). That tends to just create more misery down the line, IMO. So, "welcoming" was meant as the opposite of that. And processing emotions takes time, so by "feeling them through" I just meant allowing that process to run its course, rather than trying to inhibit or deny it. I don't think there's any stopping it, you just have to ride the wave. YMMV of course, I'm no psychologist (:
- huge87 5y ago
  This is a common thread in many traditions of wisdom. The words change (surrender, accept, be with, open to, observe, witness, feel, welcome, embrace etc.) but the idea is the same: you have to feel difficult emotions fully in order to process them. Dr. K's Healthy Gamer Twitch stream offered another descriptor I like - digest. Emotions can be digested if you allow yourself to feel them without getting swept away or identified with them. That which you resist, persists. I could go on, but your comment reminded me that sages and therapists have pointed to the same thing.
DyslexicAtheist 5y ago
not OP but for me it means not sedating myself with drugs or distraction. But to stop what I am doing and let that feeling rush over me so I can study it and learn from what that feeling is teaching me. Why do I feel that way? is it rational? Oh it is just a feeling. It will not last. Creating this habit allows me to be clearer about what triggers my emotions, how to deal with them and fix the underlying cause. Once fixed new emotions or fears always come sooner or later again (and they always will), but I know I can deal with it.
jdironman 5y ago
That's how interpreted it. As the monks during meditation would say, don't try to fight your thoughts and have an "empty mind" which is impossible, but instead examine and observe your thoughts freely.