There are some conflicting currents in your description above. On the one hand you sound quite unhappy and dissatisfied and on the other you express that you la

There are some conflicting currents in your description above. On the one hand you sound quite unhappy and dissatisfied and on the other you express that you lack motivation to change. You need to join those dots. I actually do suggest youexplore your thoughts about the medication and whether it affects this. I say this from knowing someone who, during the course of my knowing them went onto anti-depressants, and I saw their personality change in a somewhat similar way. It made them more stable but it took the edge off their passion and their motivation to change. I saw a similar contradiction where they somewhere inside wanted to change but their motivation to do it was blunted and they couldn't "connect" that desire to action. This is only a thought and obviously you need to work through such a thing with professional guidance.