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You're not lazy. I've been in your situation (I'm 33, but working since I was 15, the last 3 years looked eerily similar to what you've described). I'm signifi
by rpastuszak 5y ago
You're not lazy.
I've been in your situation (I'm 33, but working since I was 15, the last 3 years looked eerily similar to what you've described). I'm significantly better now.
Therapy, changing my lifestyle and focusing less on work helped. I wish I had done this years ago. I'm still struggling with this sometimes, but I also realised that I feel better than I could even think it was possible.
Another thing that really helped me was finding a job I didn't care much about, spending more time doing nothing.
If you're like me, you probably feel like you're already doing nothing, but at the same time feel compelled to fix that by trying to do more and blaming yourself for not caring/not being good enough/being on the verge of becoming unemployed/<insert your brain's favourite way of self-criticism here>.
Doing nothing is good. Then, with time, simple ideas might pop in to your head once in a while, but you won't feel pressured to implement them, you will just make something for fun. In my case it's building small toys (like https://sonnet.io/posts/reactive-hole/ https://sonnet.io/posts/reactive-hole/) or doodling, anything not too serious really.
You're not lazy. It's literally the opposite-your body is telling you how tired you are.
I'm not a therapist, but if you want to chat or just rant* I have coffee/office hours set up to meet people, exchange experiences, learn from them, or just talk about random stuff--it doesn't really matter.
https://sonnet.io/posts/hi https://sonnet.io/posts/hi
[*] Those 3-minute rant meetings usually end up being 2h long conversations, but they're really fun.
- my_throw_away76 5y ago> Another thing that really helped me was finding a job I didn't care much about, spending more time doing nothing. I am not sure if I will be able to not care about my job. After all, my family’s well being depends on my ability to hold a job. I wish I could stop caring or at least to not care as much.
- rpastuszak 5y agoEh, that was a very unfortunate way of phrasing it. I used to work at startups and take my job very personally, this let to working crazy hours and not having boundaries between my personal and work life. I get the point about caring too much. You mileage may vary. After burning through my savings, and feeling like I forgot how to code (it was so strange), I found a more stable, and somewhat less exciting job at a SaaS company, and scaled down the role to something more hands-on. This gave me the financial stability I was seeking but also allowed me to spend more time with the people I care about. I also tried to force myself to just do something less "productive" (e.g. play a video game, draw, go for a walk). I know that I was really lucky to be able to do that. I hope you'll feel better soon.
- my_throw_away76 5y agoThank you. I understand what you mean by “feeling like I forgot how to code”. I honestly think I would not be able to pass a technical interview at this point, and I’ve been coding since ‘96 (chronologically: Delphi, Java 2, .NET/C#). I fear even to try, lest I prove my self right. My energy levels are at 0.1%