4 ms·

Unfortunately this is a more complicated subject than it seems for transgender people. So often we have to deal with people saying the most horrific things unde

Unfortunately this is a more complicated subject than it seems for transgender people. So often we have to deal with people saying the most horrific things under the guise of "I'm just asking questions" that we have to, out of self defense, try and identify when someone is legitimately confused or just concern trolling. That said, thank you for reviving their comment as I personally don't think there was anything wrong with it specifically. Just trying to shed some light on why some people might have interpreted it differently.

throwawaygh 5y ago
> So often we have to deal with people saying the most horrific things under the guise of "I'm just asking questions" It's true. "I'm just asking questions" is definitely a routine used to harass trans people. It's probably the most common routine now that overt transphobia is less socially acceptable. I doubt there's a single trans person in the US -- outside of very cloistered bubbles -- who hasn't been harassed by a troll who was pretending to "jut ask questions". My MIL is one of those people -- she's even gone through the same line of questions on the same exact person (1+ year apart, forgot she already met the person). Which is why she's no longer welcome in polite company. The point: I'm not saying that removing people from some social contexts is never the answer. Sometimes that's the best course of action. But here's the thing. "Just Asking Questions" trolling is a particularly insidious and ingenious routine. Sure, it's mean and petty with plausible deniability. But that's not why it's so genius. Using this routine en masse is a genius move by anti-trans hate groups because it actively shuts down education, which is ultimately the best way we know to increase public acceptance of transgender people. We can't do anything about recalcitrant assholes except cut them out of some parts of our lives. But we can disallow them the pleasure of shutting down education and thereby reinforcing their own ignorance in the broader population. Anyways, that's a long-winded way of saying "kill them with kindness". If they were genuinely curious then your kindness just won trans people an ally. If they were trolling then the only way to cut past the plausible deniability bullshit is to avoid direct anger and beat them at their own "pastor's wife bless-your-heart" game. And anyways, there's something viscerally pleasing about a midwesterner who didn't know you're a midwest transplant slowing realize they're being out-midwested... much more pleasing than having to deal with an asshole accusing you of being mean to them when they were "just asking questions" ;-) But the main point is, it doesn't matter if they're trolling or genuine! In both cases, responding with direct anger to questions in the moment is a losing strategy. The troll gets to play victim and the genuinely uneducated are put on the defensive. (And, yes, it's unreasonable that trans people are so often de facto representatives of all trans people in every daily interaction. I'm just describing the micro-political strategy and not trying to imply there's anything wrong with being a normal human instead of a political operative.)
1_player 5y ago
I understand and empathise with having to deal with trolls online. It gets tiring very quickly. But when in doubt, on this site my suggestion is to follow its guidelines: "Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith." https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

throwawaygh 5y ago

> So often we have to deal with people saying the most horrific things under the guise of "I'm just asking questions" It's true. "I'm just asking questions" is definitely a routine used to harass trans people. It's probably the most common routine now that overt transphobia is less socially acceptable. I doubt there's a single trans person in the US -- outside of very cloistered bubbles -- who hasn't been harassed by a troll who was pretending to "jut ask questions". My MIL is one of those people -- she's even gone through the same line of questions on the same exact person (1+ year apart, forgot she already met the person). Which is why she's no longer welcome in polite company. The point: I'm not saying that removing people from some social contexts is never the answer. Sometimes that's the best course of action. But here's the thing. "Just Asking Questions" trolling is a particularly insidious and ingenious routine. Sure, it's mean and petty with plausible deniability. But that's not why it's so genius. Using this routine en masse is a genius move by anti-trans hate groups because it actively shuts down education, which is ultimately the best way we know to increase public acceptance of transgender people. We can't do anything about recalcitrant assholes except cut them out of some parts of our lives. But we can disallow them the pleasure of shutting down education and thereby reinforcing their own ignorance in the broader population. Anyways, that's a long-winded way of saying "kill them with kindness". If they were genuinely curious then your kindness just won trans people an ally. If they were trolling then the only way to cut past the plausible deniability bullshit is to avoid direct anger and beat them at their own "pastor's wife bless-your-heart" game. And anyways, there's something viscerally pleasing about a midwesterner who didn't know you're a midwest transplant slowing realize they're being out-midwested... much more pleasing than having to deal with an asshole accusing you of being mean to them when they were "just asking questions" ;-) But the main point is, it doesn't matter if they're trolling or genuine! In both cases, responding with direct anger to questions in the moment is a losing strategy. The troll gets to play victim and the genuinely uneducated are put on the defensive. (And, yes, it's unreasonable that trans people are so often de facto representatives of all trans people in every daily interaction. I'm just describing the micro-political strategy and not trying to imply there's anything wrong with being a normal human instead of a political operative.)

1_player 5y ago

I understand and empathise with having to deal with trolls online. It gets tiring very quickly. But when in doubt, on this site my suggestion is to follow its guidelines: "Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith." https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html