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HN being tech oriented, thus male commenters tend to live in gender skewed cities. Bay Area, Seattle, etc for the 25-45 age range. Where yes some men might have

by bruceb 5y ago

HN being tech oriented, thus male commenters tend to live in gender skewed cities. Bay Area, Seattle, etc for the 25-45 age range. Where yes some men might have harder time. But really there are approximately same amount of men to women in the dating/family making age group. Being normal, mildly interesting, and not a slob is all most men will have to do to find women to date. The reason a some men don't get dates on dating apps, is they send the dumbest of messages. Putting out zero effort and expecting something is rarely going to yield results.

claudiawerner 5y ago
It might just be an artefact of dating sites/apps, but I think that GP takes that into account with the supposition (I don't know if it is/can be shown with hard data) that women on such sites don't even have to be particularly normal, or mildly interesting. It's also a bit of a catch-22. Say you want to become 'mildly interesting' (for the purposes of dating). So you quit video games after work, and you join some club activities. The activities don't really interest you, but at least you're "working on yourself" to become more interesting. You burn out because it's hard to magically find interest in something you just don't care for. Personally, I don't mind guys whose interests are gaming or some generally solitary (generally male) activity like programming. But I don't think that's the case for the majority of women, though. Say a guy gets fed up with dating apps/sites. "Get out there!" and "Just be yourself!" people will tell him. Again, he joins activities that have a fairer balance of men and women to the activities he's usually interested in (video game events, chess clubs, hackathons). Think yoga classes, fiction book clubs, gym activity groups. Again, he has to force himself to enjoy the activity, and simultaneously never let it slip that actually he's there to improve his chances of finding a date (nor can he risk hitting on anyone, lest word gets out). For what it's worth, I have several male friends who custom-tailor polite messages for each person they're interested in, mentioning what they read in the bio field, and never get responses.
- deleted 5y ago
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llampx 5y ago
> Putting out zero effort and expecting something is rarely going to yield results. The comment you are replying to says that men have to put in a lot more effort than women, and you reply with a strawman about men not putting in any effort. Nice.
- bruceb 5y ago
  >The reason a some men don't get dates on dating apps, is they send the dumbest of messages" Straw man accuser you left out this part. Ask a woman or make an account as a woman on a dating site and see the flood of dumb messages you get. Also going to the gym while might improve you looks, it isn't a personality.

by bruceb 5y ago

claudiawerner 5y ago

It might just be an artefact of dating sites/apps, but I think that GP takes that into account with the supposition (I don't know if it is/can be shown with hard data) that women on such sites don't even have to be particularly normal, or mildly interesting. It's also a bit of a catch-22. Say you want to become 'mildly interesting' (for the purposes of dating). So you quit video games after work, and you join some club activities. The activities don't really interest you, but at least you're "working on yourself" to become more interesting. You burn out because it's hard to magically find interest in something you just don't care for. Personally, I don't mind guys whose interests are gaming or some generally solitary (generally male) activity like programming. But I don't think that's the case for the majority of women, though. Say a guy gets fed up with dating apps/sites. "Get out there!" and "Just be yourself!" people will tell him. Again, he joins activities that have a fairer balance of men and women to the activities he's usually interested in (video game events, chess clubs, hackathons). Think yoga classes, fiction book clubs, gym activity groups. Again, he has to force himself to enjoy the activity, and simultaneously never let it slip that actually he's there to improve his chances of finding a date (nor can he risk hitting on anyone, lest word gets out). For what it's worth, I have several male friends who custom-tailor polite messages for each person they're interested in, mentioning what they read in the bio field, and never get responses.

deleted 5y ago
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llampx 5y ago

> Putting out zero effort and expecting something is rarely going to yield results. The comment you are replying to says that men have to put in a lot more effort than women, and you reply with a strawman about men not putting in any effort. Nice.

bruceb 5y ago
>The reason a some men don't get dates on dating apps, is they send the dumbest of messages" Straw man accuser you left out this part. Ask a woman or make an account as a woman on a dating site and see the flood of dumb messages you get. Also going to the gym while might improve you looks, it isn't a personality.