I see what you're saying there, but perhaps look at it this way: our comfortable retirement is dependent on a good crop of reasonably successful children being

I see what you're saying there, but perhaps look at it this way: our comfortable retirement is dependent on a good crop of reasonably successful children being born now, or in the previous 5 years. It benefits us that those children are brought up to be balanced, rational pragmatic people. Perhaps extended child care might be the thing that does it? I suspect that five years is indeed too much. However perhaps the answer is one year "off" plus cheap, good quality child care from 1 year plus?