3 ms·

I won’t comment on whether the action is justified or not in this instance, but: Never hang up on a colleague. Ever. As far as social phone etiquette goes that

I won’t comment on whether the action is justified or not in this instance, but: Never hang up on a colleague. Ever. As far as social phone etiquette goes that’s probably one of the most egregious things you can do. Instead, humble yourself, politely disagree and document over email, copying another colleague who witnessed, or if unavailable the manager (in this case the skip).

rkk3 5y ago
IDK they probably would have been better off if they ended the conversation earlier rather than "giving their manager a piece of their mind" & then hanging up. If a conversation is getting too heated, excusing yourself and taking a beat isn't the worst thing in the world.
- endisneigh 5y ago
  I don’t disagree. My read on it was more like they were arguing and the author just abruptly hung up in frustration. Definitely could be wrong tho
- treis 5y ago
  Both are certainly bold choices.
crossroadsguy 5y ago
I kinda agree but when one side is hell bent on being dishonest and toxic right from the beginning then does it really matter whether you actually hung up or not unless every such call of yours is getting recorded and monitored precisely?
- Dudeman112 5y ago
  If you don't wanna give them more ammo, yes. If someone is hell bent on that, you must minimize your vulnerability surface. So just distance yourself emotionally, act professional and document stuff.
thebruce87m 5y ago
Or: if someone is accusing you of gender based discrimination, assert that you will be hanging up ( politely ) and switch to a recorded medium, where the first thing you say is: “you accused me of <gender based thing here>, I don’t think this is fair because <airtight reason here>”. Boom, documented. Note: if YTA this may work against you. Either way the NTA has the documented proof they need.
mensetmanusman 5y ago
Or just shadow mute them. Eg lower the volume let them talk while you browse hn.
meowfly 5y ago
I agree. It is my advice to people in similar situations that at the point a relationship with a coworker sours, move to a medium that allows lots of documentation and stay extra civil. Try to invite a third party to all your meetings and move as much communication as possible to messaging or email. At a previous job I had a product manager that was trying to get me fired because I was refusing to work on some "high priority" projects where we were being dictated the scope and timeline. My team, for some reason, was absolutely craven. They just let me take the heat and then in private conversations thank me for speaking up. Our PM was new and it was easier to put pressure on us than tell some VP their pet project wasn't getting done. The relationship between both of us went extremely south. When my PM complained, both of our bosses got sucked into a meeting about me. I was able to respond with plenty of documentation as well as coworker testimony that cleared me of doing anything wrong. Even though I had actual resentment of this person, it was never displayed. It's clear to me that my PM looked bad by badmouthing me to coworkers, and communicating to me in emotionally aggressive ways. I think OP is making a political mistake by showing emotional outbursts. It makes it too easy to discredit the substance of their argument as simply being a personal issue.

rkk3 5y ago

IDK they probably would have been better off if they ended the conversation earlier rather than "giving their manager a piece of their mind" & then hanging up. If a conversation is getting too heated, excusing yourself and taking a beat isn't the worst thing in the world.

endisneigh 5y ago
I don’t disagree. My read on it was more like they were arguing and the author just abruptly hung up in frustration. Definitely could be wrong tho
treis 5y ago
Both are certainly bold choices.

crossroadsguy 5y ago

I kinda agree but when one side is hell bent on being dishonest and toxic right from the beginning then does it really matter whether you actually hung up or not unless every such call of yours is getting recorded and monitored precisely?

Dudeman112 5y ago
If you don't wanna give them more ammo, yes. If someone is hell bent on that, you must minimize your vulnerability surface. So just distance yourself emotionally, act professional and document stuff.

thebruce87m 5y ago

Or: if someone is accusing you of gender based discrimination, assert that you will be hanging up ( politely ) and switch to a recorded medium, where the first thing you say is: “you accused me of <gender based thing here>, I don’t think this is fair because <airtight reason here>”. Boom, documented. Note: if YTA this may work against you. Either way the NTA has the documented proof they need.

mensetmanusman 5y ago

Or just shadow mute them. Eg lower the volume let them talk while you browse hn.

meowfly 5y ago

I agree. It is my advice to people in similar situations that at the point a relationship with a coworker sours, move to a medium that allows lots of documentation and stay extra civil. Try to invite a third party to all your meetings and move as much communication as possible to messaging or email. At a previous job I had a product manager that was trying to get me fired because I was refusing to work on some "high priority" projects where we were being dictated the scope and timeline. My team, for some reason, was absolutely craven. They just let me take the heat and then in private conversations thank me for speaking up. Our PM was new and it was easier to put pressure on us than tell some VP their pet project wasn't getting done. The relationship between both of us went extremely south. When my PM complained, both of our bosses got sucked into a meeting about me. I was able to respond with plenty of documentation as well as coworker testimony that cleared me of doing anything wrong. Even though I had actual resentment of this person, it was never displayed. It's clear to me that my PM looked bad by badmouthing me to coworkers, and communicating to me in emotionally aggressive ways. I think OP is making a political mistake by showing emotional outbursts. It makes it too easy to discredit the substance of their argument as simply being a personal issue.