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Most cases of sexism aren't "clear cut". If you're the only woman in the office, it can be hard to figure out what's going on. Believe me that you try to explai

Most cases of sexism aren't "clear cut". If you're the only woman in the office, it can be hard to figure out what's going on. Believe me that you try to explain certain things away and don't want to go to sexism as a first choice or a choice at all. But when you're a year in and you still notice there are very real differences in the way you're treated versus your male colleagues you have to start accepting that sexism sadly may have something to do with it. It's not the kind of thing that you can just talk to your manager about when it's that subtle. For example there was increased hostility to me versus the other employees over Slack and Pull requests. If I mentioned that it would be invalidated/ignored/I'd be told to toughen up. And as I said, the company made their main problem with me in the end "You're such a great dev, but you don't have confidence! Own it!" at the same time while fostering an environment where any concerns about the way I was treated, help I needed as a junior dev, etc was not taken seriously. That job was by far the worst example and when I was overseas in Berlin that team was much healthier, but you still run into everyday stuff like, "Oh I won't use that kind of language because a lady is present".

throw_m239339 5y ago
> Most cases of sexism aren't "clear cut". If you're the only woman in the office, it can be hard to figure out what's going on. Believe me that you try to explain certain things away and don't want to go to sexism as a first choice or a choice at all. But when you're a year in and you still notice there are very real differences in the way you're treated versus your male colleagues you have to start accepting that sexism sadly may have something to do with it. This one is a clear-cut case of sexism. If you allow yourself to be discriminated against by a co-worker, why would that co-worker stop being sexist toward you or other women employees? at first place. Report them. If the hierarchy does nothing about it, then it's a sexist workplace and it should be called out for it, publicly. Time isn't for inaction anymore, inaction is what helps perpetuate and normalize that behavior. You said you had access to a group of female developers for support, did you talk about that incident to your group? Did they tell you to shut up about it? I think not. You rightfully said females are a minority, well consider the positive impact of reporting workplace sexism, for females as a class.
- cupcake-unicorn 5y ago
  There are few positive benefits currently to reporting things like sexism in the workplace, sexual harassment, even rape. It sucks that it's like that but that's the reality right now. The reality is that they probably won't be addressed. If less than one percent of rapists actually get convicted, what kind of "positive impact" do you think will come of reporting workplace sexism? Like the other reply to this post, things aren't so black and white. Maybe you report it, nothing is done, you lose your job, you can't get hired at other places because other companies see that you were involved in a legal thing. Maybe now you have mental health issues from dealing with how it dragged out and how people in your life aren't supportive. I'm not saying that people shouldn't tolerate workplace harassment or not report crimes or abuse, or that no one should report it, but I'm saying that there are actual legitimate reasons for people not to and some of those reasons are that it's personal and traumatic to be dragged through the emotions and public display of this, some of the reasons are financial, and so forth. If you're a minority you learn to protect yourself by choosing your battles because you encounter sexism/racism/ableism daily, and every time you do stand up for yourself it brings back all the trauma of the people who attack you for doing so, and tell you you're overreacting, creating problems, dramatic, lying, and so forth. Sometimes it's not worth it. Please show some empathy. You have no idea what it's like to be in a situation like this. And I didn't have "Access to a group of female developers for support". What do you think it's like some union where even if this existed, the members of this could have any kind of collective power to do anything? And I'm willing to bet if there was something like this the group for sure would be respecting a woman's individual right to do what she thinks is best in the situation that she's in, instead of blindly telling her to fight back and expend that emotional labor, because the other women have lived that and know about picking your battles. Put the onus on the organizations rather than the people who are minorities because you have no fucking voice as a minority. We need allies to be heard and taken seriously and "Well YOU SHOULD HAVE REPORTED IT" is not being an ally. Fostering an environment where that doesn't happen and the entire burden isn't put on the minority to do something about it is what needs to happen. This isn't a "women's problem" or something that will "help women as a class" this hurts everyone. So be an ally to women and be curious instead of judgemental because you haven't lived life as a minority. The fact that you are posting things like this about what "should" be happening means that you're already judging, and assuming, and contributing to the problem.

throw_m239339 5y ago

> Most cases of sexism aren't "clear cut". If you're the only woman in the office, it can be hard to figure out what's going on. Believe me that you try to explain certain things away and don't want to go to sexism as a first choice or a choice at all. But when you're a year in and you still notice there are very real differences in the way you're treated versus your male colleagues you have to start accepting that sexism sadly may have something to do with it. This one is a clear-cut case of sexism. If you allow yourself to be discriminated against by a co-worker, why would that co-worker stop being sexist toward you or other women employees? at first place. Report them. If the hierarchy does nothing about it, then it's a sexist workplace and it should be called out for it, publicly. Time isn't for inaction anymore, inaction is what helps perpetuate and normalize that behavior. You said you had access to a group of female developers for support, did you talk about that incident to your group? Did they tell you to shut up about it? I think not. You rightfully said females are a minority, well consider the positive impact of reporting workplace sexism, for females as a class.

cupcake-unicorn 5y ago
There are few positive benefits currently to reporting things like sexism in the workplace, sexual harassment, even rape. It sucks that it's like that but that's the reality right now. The reality is that they probably won't be addressed. If less than one percent of rapists actually get convicted, what kind of "positive impact" do you think will come of reporting workplace sexism? Like the other reply to this post, things aren't so black and white. Maybe you report it, nothing is done, you lose your job, you can't get hired at other places because other companies see that you were involved in a legal thing. Maybe now you have mental health issues from dealing with how it dragged out and how people in your life aren't supportive. I'm not saying that people shouldn't tolerate workplace harassment or not report crimes or abuse, or that no one should report it, but I'm saying that there are actual legitimate reasons for people not to and some of those reasons are that it's personal and traumatic to be dragged through the emotions and public display of this, some of the reasons are financial, and so forth. If you're a minority you learn to protect yourself by choosing your battles because you encounter sexism/racism/ableism daily, and every time you do stand up for yourself it brings back all the trauma of the people who attack you for doing so, and tell you you're overreacting, creating problems, dramatic, lying, and so forth. Sometimes it's not worth it. Please show some empathy. You have no idea what it's like to be in a situation like this. And I didn't have "Access to a group of female developers for support". What do you think it's like some union where even if this existed, the members of this could have any kind of collective power to do anything? And I'm willing to bet if there was something like this the group for sure would be respecting a woman's individual right to do what she thinks is best in the situation that she's in, instead of blindly telling her to fight back and expend that emotional labor, because the other women have lived that and know about picking your battles. Put the onus on the organizations rather than the people who are minorities because you have no fucking voice as a minority. We need allies to be heard and taken seriously and "Well YOU SHOULD HAVE REPORTED IT" is not being an ally. Fostering an environment where that doesn't happen and the entire burden isn't put on the minority to do something about it is what needs to happen. This isn't a "women's problem" or something that will "help women as a class" this hurts everyone. So be an ally to women and be curious instead of judgemental because you haven't lived life as a minority. The fact that you are posting things like this about what "should" be happening means that you're already judging, and assuming, and contributing to the problem.