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As a young female software developer, I was told to ask less questions. This led to situations where I'd be stuck hours on end due to things like backend/config

As a young female software developer, I was told to ask less questions. This led to situations where I'd be stuck hours on end due to things like backend/config changes that no one told me about and I wouldn't have known. So just a tip that this advice doesn't necessarily hold if you're a minority software developer. Later I was told that I was a good dev but my confidence wasn't good enough. Hmm, wonder what could have contributed to that? :/

pm90 5y ago
Sorry to hear that. I feel privileged to have had the chance to ask questions quite liberally and it has been an important avenue for learning in my career. I recognize that is a privilege; I hope that it does not remain that way, that everyone has access to this way of learning.
- cupcake-unicorn 5y ago
  I think most workplaces would benefit better from having junior devs pair with other devs and cultivating this kind of thing but my experience was that most startups were very frustrated with junior/midlevel devs and just wanted to fill their ranks with fullstack "rockstars". I don't know if things have changed but it just seemed like there were rarely true junior or mid level dev positions, and in my case even when there were, they company would come back in about 6 months in and admit they didn't really have the resources for someone to do the kind of pairing/mentoring needed for someone in a junior role :/ There's a female oriented code bootcamp where I live but I wasn't allowed in because I was "overqualified". I didn't really fit anywhere. Tech culture got more and more alienating to me so I'm not in that industry anymore. My best job was overseas in Berlin but I did see that that kind of "tech bro" culture seeping into workplaces there as well.
throw_m239339 5y ago
> As a young female software developer, I was told to ask less questions Someone at work explicitly told you that because you are a female, you should ask less questions because of the sex you are born with? was it a coworker on the same level as yours or a manager? Or is it a policy at your business not to practice onboarding? If it's the former, it's a clear cut case of sexism and I suggest you report the employee who made that comment to your hierarchy.
- cupcake-unicorn 5y ago
  Most cases of sexism aren't "clear cut". If you're the only woman in the office, it can be hard to figure out what's going on. Believe me that you try to explain certain things away and don't want to go to sexism as a first choice or a choice at all. But when you're a year in and you still notice there are very real differences in the way you're treated versus your male colleagues you have to start accepting that sexism sadly may have something to do with it. It's not the kind of thing that you can just talk to your manager about when it's that subtle. For example there was increased hostility to me versus the other employees over Slack and Pull requests. If I mentioned that it would be invalidated/ignored/I'd be told to toughen up. And as I said, the company made their main problem with me in the end "You're such a great dev, but you don't have confidence! Own it!" at the same time while fostering an environment where any concerns about the way I was treated, help I needed as a junior dev, etc was not taken seriously. That job was by far the worst example and when I was overseas in Berlin that team was much healthier, but you still run into everyday stuff like, "Oh I won't use that kind of language because a lady is present".
  - throw_m239339 5y ago
    > Most cases of sexism aren't "clear cut". If you're the only woman in the office, it can be hard to figure out what's going on. Believe me that you try to explain certain things away and don't want to go to sexism as a first choice or a choice at all. But when you're a year in and you still notice there are very real differences in the way you're treated versus your male colleagues you have to start accepting that sexism sadly may have something to do with it. This one is a clear-cut case of sexism. If you allow yourself to be discriminated against by a co-worker, why would that co-worker stop being sexist toward you or other women employees? at first place. Report them. If the hierarchy does nothing about it, then it's a sexist workplace and it should be called out for it, publicly. Time isn't for inaction anymore, inaction is what helps perpetuate and normalize that behavior. You said you had access to a group of female developers for support, did you talk about that incident to your group? Did they tell you to shut up about it? I think not. You rightfully said females are a minority, well consider the positive impact of reporting workplace sexism, for females as a class.
seoulmetro 5y ago
Why are you writing as if being female is why you were told to ask less questions but then not explaining why that was actually confirmed to be the case?

pm90 5y ago

Sorry to hear that. I feel privileged to have had the chance to ask questions quite liberally and it has been an important avenue for learning in my career. I recognize that is a privilege; I hope that it does not remain that way, that everyone has access to this way of learning.

cupcake-unicorn 5y ago
I think most workplaces would benefit better from having junior devs pair with other devs and cultivating this kind of thing but my experience was that most startups were very frustrated with junior/midlevel devs and just wanted to fill their ranks with fullstack "rockstars". I don't know if things have changed but it just seemed like there were rarely true junior or mid level dev positions, and in my case even when there were, they company would come back in about 6 months in and admit they didn't really have the resources for someone to do the kind of pairing/mentoring needed for someone in a junior role :/ There's a female oriented code bootcamp where I live but I wasn't allowed in because I was "overqualified". I didn't really fit anywhere. Tech culture got more and more alienating to me so I'm not in that industry anymore. My best job was overseas in Berlin but I did see that that kind of "tech bro" culture seeping into workplaces there as well.

throw_m239339 5y ago

> As a young female software developer, I was told to ask less questions Someone at work explicitly told you that because you are a female, you should ask less questions because of the sex you are born with? was it a coworker on the same level as yours or a manager? Or is it a policy at your business not to practice onboarding? If it's the former, it's a clear cut case of sexism and I suggest you report the employee who made that comment to your hierarchy.

cupcake-unicorn 5y ago
Most cases of sexism aren't "clear cut". If you're the only woman in the office, it can be hard to figure out what's going on. Believe me that you try to explain certain things away and don't want to go to sexism as a first choice or a choice at all. But when you're a year in and you still notice there are very real differences in the way you're treated versus your male colleagues you have to start accepting that sexism sadly may have something to do with it. It's not the kind of thing that you can just talk to your manager about when it's that subtle. For example there was increased hostility to me versus the other employees over Slack and Pull requests. If I mentioned that it would be invalidated/ignored/I'd be told to toughen up. And as I said, the company made their main problem with me in the end "You're such a great dev, but you don't have confidence! Own it!" at the same time while fostering an environment where any concerns about the way I was treated, help I needed as a junior dev, etc was not taken seriously. That job was by far the worst example and when I was overseas in Berlin that team was much healthier, but you still run into everyday stuff like, "Oh I won't use that kind of language because a lady is present".
- throw_m239339 5y ago
  > Most cases of sexism aren't "clear cut". If you're the only woman in the office, it can be hard to figure out what's going on. Believe me that you try to explain certain things away and don't want to go to sexism as a first choice or a choice at all. But when you're a year in and you still notice there are very real differences in the way you're treated versus your male colleagues you have to start accepting that sexism sadly may have something to do with it. This one is a clear-cut case of sexism. If you allow yourself to be discriminated against by a co-worker, why would that co-worker stop being sexist toward you or other women employees? at first place. Report them. If the hierarchy does nothing about it, then it's a sexist workplace and it should be called out for it, publicly. Time isn't for inaction anymore, inaction is what helps perpetuate and normalize that behavior. You said you had access to a group of female developers for support, did you talk about that incident to your group? Did they tell you to shut up about it? I think not. You rightfully said females are a minority, well consider the positive impact of reporting workplace sexism, for females as a class.

seoulmetro 5y ago

Why are you writing as if being female is why you were told to ask less questions but then not explaining why that was actually confirmed to be the case?