2 ms·

Here’s what I’m seeing, a coworker makes a statement out of frustration and your decision is to “correct” them. This escalates things because your trying to ham

Here’s what I’m seeing, a coworker makes a statement out of frustration and your decision is to “correct” them. This escalates things because your trying to hammer your point of view through. You’re addressing the wrong problem. They are frustrated at the situation, not suggesting a course of action. Acknowledge their feelings (because you probably have the same frustration). Then you can work the conversation around on how to fix the problem. Maybe they see something you don’t. But you’ll never know that with your example.

rackjack 5y ago
Yeah... deposition seems to be for constructing an argument or proving a position. If you don't have a position to prove, I think it's better to work through the emotions and issues a colleague is facing so work can be done more smoothly, since they probably know something you don't.
xyzelement 5y ago
> Here’s what I’m seeing, a coworker makes a statement out of frustration and your decision is to “correct” them. I get the "make sure they are OK" angle - totally the go-to if someone is seriously distraught or vulnerable. This was a manager annoyed from perceiving themselves drowning in a sea of incompetence. Helping him go from that to "this is something I can help my team with" was empowering to him as is obvious in the actual example. You really can't imagine a situation where simply helping someone navigate their own understanding is helpful?
- kayodelycaon 5y ago
  Thank you for checking out my website. I’m quite proud of it. :) While I am an advocate for mental health now, I’ve been doing everything I talked about for the last decade. Maybe two if you include what I picked up from my parents doing marriage counseling. > You really can't imagine a situation where simply helping someone navigate their own understanding is helpful? Here’s my way to address that: “Yeah. That last deployment was rough. I’m sick and tired of this happening too. What we are doing isn’t effective. I’ve been thinking about this and I have a few ideas. When would be a good time to discuss? I’m free now or we could talk after lunch.” Now I can have a conversation with someone willing to look at solutions instead of venting.
Spooky23 5y ago
The coworker is a professional and the manager isn’t a psychotherapist. The point is to take the word soup and turn it into an action. As a manager or someone investigating a problem, your goal is to resolve the issue. Reinforcing the state of emotional whatever is a barrier to that goal. People tend to segment their thinking based on their role. Validation of “everyone is stupid, except me” doesn’t put you on a good path.
- kayodelycaon 5y ago
  Acknowledging someone feels legitimate frustration or anger at something that needs to be fixed is not the same as validating what they said. Depending on your relationship with the person, you can defuse things any number of ways. The goal is to switch them from thinking emotionally to thinking logically. Humor works well. I’ve said something like this in the past: “Hold up, let’s see if we can fix this before we start executing volunteers. The paperwork just isn’t worth it.”

rackjack 5y ago

Yeah... deposition seems to be for constructing an argument or proving a position. If you don't have a position to prove, I think it's better to work through the emotions and issues a colleague is facing so work can be done more smoothly, since they probably know something you don't.

xyzelement 5y ago

> Here’s what I’m seeing, a coworker makes a statement out of frustration and your decision is to “correct” them. I get the "make sure they are OK" angle - totally the go-to if someone is seriously distraught or vulnerable. This was a manager annoyed from perceiving themselves drowning in a sea of incompetence. Helping him go from that to "this is something I can help my team with" was empowering to him as is obvious in the actual example. You really can't imagine a situation where simply helping someone navigate their own understanding is helpful?

kayodelycaon 5y ago
Thank you for checking out my website. I’m quite proud of it. :) While I am an advocate for mental health now, I’ve been doing everything I talked about for the last decade. Maybe two if you include what I picked up from my parents doing marriage counseling. > You really can't imagine a situation where simply helping someone navigate their own understanding is helpful? Here’s my way to address that: “Yeah. That last deployment was rough. I’m sick and tired of this happening too. What we are doing isn’t effective. I’ve been thinking about this and I have a few ideas. When would be a good time to discuss? I’m free now or we could talk after lunch.” Now I can have a conversation with someone willing to look at solutions instead of venting.

Spooky23 5y ago

The coworker is a professional and the manager isn’t a psychotherapist. The point is to take the word soup and turn it into an action. As a manager or someone investigating a problem, your goal is to resolve the issue. Reinforcing the state of emotional whatever is a barrier to that goal. People tend to segment their thinking based on their role. Validation of “everyone is stupid, except me” doesn’t put you on a good path.

kayodelycaon 5y ago
Acknowledging someone feels legitimate frustration or anger at something that needs to be fixed is not the same as validating what they said. Depending on your relationship with the person, you can defuse things any number of ways. The goal is to switch them from thinking emotionally to thinking logically. Humor works well. I’ve said something like this in the past: “Hold up, let’s see if we can fix this before we start executing volunteers. The paperwork just isn’t worth it.”