4 ms·

My inner monologue is almost crippling. I can't fall asleep at night, I think of all the stupid shit I've done and said in the past, and I call myself names be

My inner monologue is almost crippling. I can't fall asleep at night, I think of all the stupid shit I've done and said in the past, and I call myself names because of it. It's gotten to the point where sometimes when I'm alone I'll vocalise these names I call msyelf out loud. It sort of helps to relieve the stress of reliving cringey memories... But I'm not sure anymore.

_djo_ 5y ago
I'm sorry, that sounds extremely unpleasant. The only advice I can offer is to look into professional therapy, as that sort of a negative self-talk pattern is extremely difficult to break out of on your own.
- 0xdeadb00f 5y ago
  I've been diagnosed with MDD in the past. Though I wasn't formally diagnosed with anxiety, I did have symptoms of it. I think that's what's come to the forefront now, and what's probably the cause of this negative self-talk. Thanks for the advice :)
illwrks 5y ago
I used to dwell on things like that also. Everyone has done or said things throughout their life that are embarrassing, make you cringe or are stupid. Thats part of you growing as a person, and being able to acknowledge them shows that you have grown! It sounds harsh but the best advice I've ever received is that "people don't care about you". The context in which it was said was that people engage with you when you're there but when you're not you can expect them to be caught up in their own life, problems, issues and listening to their own inner voice.
- 0xdeadb00f 5y ago
  You're so right about that! In fact I've had similar thoughts about it. Still, i find myself wondering if maybe by chance people do remember and do judge me for things I've said and done. But that can't be true all the time, and yet, I still dwell on these things... Nevertheless thanks for your comment.
  - illwrks 5y ago
    I read years ago about a 'trust meter' or a something similar (sorry I've forgotten the exact name for it). The basic idea is that all relationships (business, personal etc) starts at zero and depending on the things they do or say either destroys people (-1) trust or build people trust (+1). If you've done something negative, acknowledge it to yourself and any anyone else that was impacted by it and move forward from it. Knowing your flaws, acknowledging them and working around them is an important thing to do. 'Water under the bridge' and all of that...
  - HKH2 5y ago
    Well if you have come to terms with what led you to those actions, it shouldn't be a problem to revisit them. You'll reflect the attitude in your demeanor.
    - 0xdeadb00f 5y ago
      It's more about me not thinking before saying things. I have learnt my lesson in all these cases but I often feel anxious, paranoid, that people don't know that, and assume I am the way I was before when I said those things. In a way I have come to terms because I have learnt my lesson but it the thought of me doing that almost torments me still.
      - HKH2 5y ago
        I read somewhere that the human brain doesn't fully mature until around the age of 25 and the last place to fully mature is the front part of the brain that deals with inhibitory control. Teenagers are impulsive by nature.
HKH2 5y ago
I used to be a bit like that. Now I write out the things that were physically true about whatever a disconcerting memory is pointing to, avoiding sentences/grammar/style/references to emotions etc. I think any emotion held long-term is definitely distorted, if not stigmatic.

_djo_ 5y ago

I'm sorry, that sounds extremely unpleasant. The only advice I can offer is to look into professional therapy, as that sort of a negative self-talk pattern is extremely difficult to break out of on your own.

0xdeadb00f 5y ago
I've been diagnosed with MDD in the past. Though I wasn't formally diagnosed with anxiety, I did have symptoms of it. I think that's what's come to the forefront now, and what's probably the cause of this negative self-talk. Thanks for the advice :)

illwrks 5y ago

I used to dwell on things like that also. Everyone has done or said things throughout their life that are embarrassing, make you cringe or are stupid. Thats part of you growing as a person, and being able to acknowledge them shows that you have grown! It sounds harsh but the best advice I've ever received is that "people don't care about you". The context in which it was said was that people engage with you when you're there but when you're not you can expect them to be caught up in their own life, problems, issues and listening to their own inner voice.

0xdeadb00f 5y ago
You're so right about that! In fact I've had similar thoughts about it. Still, i find myself wondering if maybe by chance people do remember and do judge me for things I've said and done. But that can't be true all the time, and yet, I still dwell on these things... Nevertheless thanks for your comment.
- illwrks 5y ago
  I read years ago about a 'trust meter' or a something similar (sorry I've forgotten the exact name for it). The basic idea is that all relationships (business, personal etc) starts at zero and depending on the things they do or say either destroys people (-1) trust or build people trust (+1). If you've done something negative, acknowledge it to yourself and any anyone else that was impacted by it and move forward from it. Knowing your flaws, acknowledging them and working around them is an important thing to do. 'Water under the bridge' and all of that...
- HKH2 5y ago
  Well if you have come to terms with what led you to those actions, it shouldn't be a problem to revisit them. You'll reflect the attitude in your demeanor.
  - 0xdeadb00f 5y ago
    It's more about me not thinking before saying things. I have learnt my lesson in all these cases but I often feel anxious, paranoid, that people don't know that, and assume I am the way I was before when I said those things. In a way I have come to terms because I have learnt my lesson but it the thought of me doing that almost torments me still.
    - HKH2 5y ago
      I read somewhere that the human brain doesn't fully mature until around the age of 25 and the last place to fully mature is the front part of the brain that deals with inhibitory control. Teenagers are impulsive by nature.

HKH2 5y ago

I used to be a bit like that. Now I write out the things that were physically true about whatever a disconcerting memory is pointing to, avoiding sentences/grammar/style/references to emotions etc. I think any emotion held long-term is definitely distorted, if not stigmatic.