4 ms·

Stop reading books and talk to people. Make it a goal to speak to two people you've never interacted with before every day. At work, say one intelligent or fun

by Duff 15y ago

Stop reading books and talk to people. Make it a goal to speak to two people you've never interacted with before every day. At work, say one intelligent or funny thing at every meeting you attend. Make small talk. Be nice to people. Don't "network". Compliment the person who serves you at a reataurant. Say hi to the mailman. There is no magic here, and no book has some secret that will somehow allow you to socialize without getting up and talking to people.

redmand 15y ago
I don't think you understand the problem. I suffer from the same social problems that the OP does and if it were as simple as just saying something intelligent or funny, we would do it. But it's not that simple; you can't think of anything to say. Besides, have you ever heard someone try to be funny? It's not funny.
- Duff 15y ago
  I felt just like the OP did when I was a child. I was teased and picked on pretty mercilessly growing up, and then we moved to a completely new and different area (ie NYC to a town of 3,000). In the new town, I wasn't picked on, but was kind of ignored. I had a thick NYC accent and people had no idea what I was saying. I felt insecure and was always afraid to speak up... I'm terrible with remembering names, so that made it worse. Then in 7th grade, I literally woke up one morning and said to myself "This needs to stop." So I made it a point to engage with people, do things that were funny (of course as a 7th grader, "funny" is questionable in most cases!) The whole point is not to actually be funny, it's to get some confidence. You "practice" on low-risk people like cashiers. if you get the girl at the gas station to smile, you brightened someone's day. If you sound like an idiot, you try again another time. Later in high school, I took a drama elective where I learned to be comfortable speaking in a public setting. In college, I ended up in a retail commissioned sales job where I had to speak to a few hundred people a day. I guess my theory is that you have to act. Don't deliberate in your head. Talk. The worst thing that can happen is you get rejected.

by Duff 15y ago

redmand 15y ago

I don't think you understand the problem. I suffer from the same social problems that the OP does and if it were as simple as just saying something intelligent or funny, we would do it. But it's not that simple; you can't think of anything to say. Besides, have you ever heard someone try to be funny? It's not funny.

Duff 15y ago
I felt just like the OP did when I was a child. I was teased and picked on pretty mercilessly growing up, and then we moved to a completely new and different area (ie NYC to a town of 3,000). In the new town, I wasn't picked on, but was kind of ignored. I had a thick NYC accent and people had no idea what I was saying. I felt insecure and was always afraid to speak up... I'm terrible with remembering names, so that made it worse. Then in 7th grade, I literally woke up one morning and said to myself "This needs to stop." So I made it a point to engage with people, do things that were funny (of course as a 7th grader, "funny" is questionable in most cases!) The whole point is not to actually be funny, it's to get some confidence. You "practice" on low-risk people like cashiers. if you get the girl at the gas station to smile, you brightened someone's day. If you sound like an idiot, you try again another time. Later in high school, I took a drama elective where I learned to be comfortable speaking in a public setting. In college, I ended up in a retail commissioned sales job where I had to speak to a few hundred people a day. I guess my theory is that you have to act. Don't deliberate in your head. Talk. The worst thing that can happen is you get rejected.