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Some aspect of this may come off as offensive, but frankly there was a certain amount of sexualizing gaze I had to deal with from both sides of the aisle that m
by imbnwa 5y ago
Some aspect of this may come off as offensive, but frankly there was a certain amount of sexualizing gaze I had to deal with from both sides of the aisle that made things like meetings rather unfocused, and I don't think that'd change if I moved jobs (btw I'm not interested in "playing the field" or some such). Being able to elect to only pass on my voice in meetings is so much more beneficial for clear, conducive discussion for everyone instead of having to negotiate the unspoken politics of desiring gazes when we're in a place of business. There are enough people think they absolutely have a right to let you know how interested they are, and frankly, one simply shouldn't have to negotiate that at work (and enough people demonstrate they don't realize how bad they are with implicit/explicit rejection; not to mention the side effects of other people picking up on this phenonmenon that creates visible, needless resentful behavior). The minute you speak up about this, everyone wants to act like its not happening or that its your problem somehow ("don't you like it? isn't it flattering?"). But this is exactly how harassment and escalations of such happen for anyone.
There just isn't a good solution for "opting out" from this behavior in-office, so remote work has been a great boon in this direction in particular.
- Grakel 5y agoThink about the effect on your career of being ugly.
- imbnwa 5y agoAnd that's kinda it, enough people don't realize how immature/unprofessional they can be, implicitly and explicitly, when physically co-located. You should be able to abstract from that in a place of business and maybe a culture of remote work makes that more possible than otherwise. One has all the time and space to impose their preferences outside of the workplace.
- mensetmanusman 5y agoBoth extremes can have it bad. A little compassion goes a long way.
- throwaway2331 5y agoFrankly, it's because you're (we/most people with bosses) -- more or less -- are glorified modern serfs, whom the lords (bosses) hold power over. A solution to this is "being more entrepreneurial," wherein you can decide who you work with -- albeit, with sane expectations (e.g. you're not going to scale to $100m value without having to eat a lot of shit, but that's true with climbing the corporate ladder too).
- Noumenon72 5y agoIt is too bad for your coworkers, though. A pretty person on the team makes my work satisfaction and motivation just skyrocket. This effect lasts for years and to me almost justifies the wage premium. They must have not been too offended at the sexualizing gaze since we ended up going on work walks or becoming Facebook friends. I think it was pretty much just upside.