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You're right and I think i'm decent on those things, I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed

You're right and I think i'm decent on those things, I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there. I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff.

User23 5y ago
> I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there. A good professional relationship can turn into a lasting friendship, but in my experience it's pretty rare. Professional relationships tend to remain, well, professional. Be open to forming friendships with colleagues, but don't expect it. A lot of people just want their job to be a job. I've found both lunch and taking a 15-30 minute walk to be good ways to bond socially at work. Being pleasant shouldn't be too hard there. For example do you appreciate it when someone else drives to lunch? Then offer to do it too. Is your coworker bouncing an idea off you? Even if you think it's bad, try to find a way to show that you're in their corner and want them to succeed. Don't be dishonest, but prefer the "yes and..." to the "yes, but..." style of conversation. > I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff. Some people are naturals, but many, especially in the tech world, aren't. You've got the right attitude. Social interaction is a skill and like all skills it can be improved with practice. Dale Carnegie's book[1] is a classic on the subject that I recommend. Take some time at the end of the day to reflect on your interactions with others. See if you can identify why each interaction was warm or cool, especially if it started one way and went the other. Finally, while it's best used sparingly, you can just ask them. Be aware that this can violate the don't be annoying rule, but many people like to be helpful and will give you honest feedback if you ask. Be sure to thank them for it, even if it isn't apparently helpful. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...

User23 5y ago

> I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there. A good professional relationship can turn into a lasting friendship, but in my experience it's pretty rare. Professional relationships tend to remain, well, professional. Be open to forming friendships with colleagues, but don't expect it. A lot of people just want their job to be a job. I've found both lunch and taking a 15-30 minute walk to be good ways to bond socially at work. Being pleasant shouldn't be too hard there. For example do you appreciate it when someone else drives to lunch? Then offer to do it too. Is your coworker bouncing an idea off you? Even if you think it's bad, try to find a way to show that you're in their corner and want them to succeed. Don't be dishonest, but prefer the "yes and..." to the "yes, but..." style of conversation. > I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff. Some people are naturals, but many, especially in the tech world, aren't. You've got the right attitude. Social interaction is a skill and like all skills it can be improved with practice. Dale Carnegie's book[1] is a classic on the subject that I recommend. Take some time at the end of the day to reflect on your interactions with others. See if you can identify why each interaction was warm or cool, especially if it started one way and went the other. Finally, while it's best used sparingly, you can just ask them. Be aware that this can violate the don't be annoying rule, but many people like to be helpful and will give you honest feedback if you ask. Be sure to thank them for it, even if it isn't apparently helpful. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...