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The 101 of friendships and relationships in life is a certain ability to (a) Take some risks (b) Take the initiative Instead of waiting to be invited to someth

The 101 of friendships and relationships in life is a certain ability to (a) Take some risks (b) Take the initiative Instead of waiting to be invited to something try to invite others. There might be occasions you will be left embarrassed or feel rejected but if you don't try, how will you succeed? Think of it like childhood: If you're not willing to fall how will you learn to walk? If you're not willing to speak garbled sentences how will you learn to talk? There are a lot of good tips on this page already. But I will reiterate, make an effort. Put yourself out there a bit. Also take care of the fundamentals: follow basics rules of decency and etiquette, take care of your hygiene, try to observe how others behave and take the cue accordingly.

User23 5y ago
There are plenty of good specific suggestions about hygiene, appearance, food, and so on posted already, so I'll be more general. Eliminate habits that repel others and work on habits that attract them. Don't be annoying. Don't try to make things about yourself. Don't correct people. Don't offer unsolicited advice. Don't be creepy to girls. Don't be pushy. There are myriad ways to be annoying. Be pleasant. People strongly remember how you make them feel, so be sure your influence is positive. It's better to leave them wanting more than overdoing it and making them sick of you. You can't be the judge of whether you are socially attractive or repulsive. Only others can do that. Don't fall back on ego-preserving self-deception, but accept their judgment and learn from it. At worst, the group isn't a good fit for you, in which case it's best to gracefully move on. The particulars of an intramural football team are going to be very different from the those of a math study group. Look to join groups that play to your strengths and not to your weaknesses.
- collegeburner 5y ago
  You're right and I think i'm decent on those things, I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there. I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff.
  - User23 5y ago
    > I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there. A good professional relationship can turn into a lasting friendship, but in my experience it's pretty rare. Professional relationships tend to remain, well, professional. Be open to forming friendships with colleagues, but don't expect it. A lot of people just want their job to be a job. I've found both lunch and taking a 15-30 minute walk to be good ways to bond socially at work. Being pleasant shouldn't be too hard there. For example do you appreciate it when someone else drives to lunch? Then offer to do it too. Is your coworker bouncing an idea off you? Even if you think it's bad, try to find a way to show that you're in their corner and want them to succeed. Don't be dishonest, but prefer the "yes and..." to the "yes, but..." style of conversation. > I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff. Some people are naturals, but many, especially in the tech world, aren't. You've got the right attitude. Social interaction is a skill and like all skills it can be improved with practice. Dale Carnegie's book[1] is a classic on the subject that I recommend. Take some time at the end of the day to reflect on your interactions with others. See if you can identify why each interaction was warm or cool, especially if it started one way and went the other. Finally, while it's best used sparingly, you can just ask them. Be aware that this can violate the don't be annoying rule, but many people like to be helpful and will give you honest feedback if you ask. Be sure to thank them for it, even if it isn't apparently helpful. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...

User23 5y ago

There are plenty of good specific suggestions about hygiene, appearance, food, and so on posted already, so I'll be more general. Eliminate habits that repel others and work on habits that attract them. Don't be annoying. Don't try to make things about yourself. Don't correct people. Don't offer unsolicited advice. Don't be creepy to girls. Don't be pushy. There are myriad ways to be annoying. Be pleasant. People strongly remember how you make them feel, so be sure your influence is positive. It's better to leave them wanting more than overdoing it and making them sick of you. You can't be the judge of whether you are socially attractive or repulsive. Only others can do that. Don't fall back on ego-preserving self-deception, but accept their judgment and learn from it. At worst, the group isn't a good fit for you, in which case it's best to gracefully move on. The particulars of an intramural football team are going to be very different from the those of a math study group. Look to join groups that play to your strengths and not to your weaknesses.

collegeburner 5y ago
You're right and I think i'm decent on those things, I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there. I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff.
- User23 5y ago
  > I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there. A good professional relationship can turn into a lasting friendship, but in my experience it's pretty rare. Professional relationships tend to remain, well, professional. Be open to forming friendships with colleagues, but don't expect it. A lot of people just want their job to be a job. I've found both lunch and taking a 15-30 minute walk to be good ways to bond socially at work. Being pleasant shouldn't be too hard there. For example do you appreciate it when someone else drives to lunch? Then offer to do it too. Is your coworker bouncing an idea off you? Even if you think it's bad, try to find a way to show that you're in their corner and want them to succeed. Don't be dishonest, but prefer the "yes and..." to the "yes, but..." style of conversation. > I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff. Some people are naturals, but many, especially in the tech world, aren't. You've got the right attitude. Social interaction is a skill and like all skills it can be improved with practice. Dale Carnegie's book[1] is a classic on the subject that I recommend. Take some time at the end of the day to reflect on your interactions with others. See if you can identify why each interaction was warm or cool, especially if it started one way and went the other. Finally, while it's best used sparingly, you can just ask them. Be aware that this can violate the don't be annoying rule, but many people like to be helpful and will give you honest feedback if you ask. Be sure to thank them for it, even if it isn't apparently helpful. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...