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Knowing and doing are two very different things. It might look easy, but it really isn't. Listening is challenging work, and we get little training to do it wel

Knowing and doing are two very different things. It might look easy, but it really isn't. Listening is challenging work, and we get little training to do it well. So, yes, incompetence is one of the reasons. And worse, it's often incompetence we're actively unaware of - "it's listening, how hard can it be". There are also advantages in not listening, but I really believe this "looks easy, but actually hard to do" split is what creates a lot of the problems. We live in an entire culture that's rooted in aggressively talking (cf. school debate club), with little value attached to patient listening. Managers, like everybody else, are a product of the surrounding culture. Breaking out from that conditioning is hard. That's why it's rare.

borroka 5y ago
Those are some good points. I think there is also a delayed gratification that is coming from listening, while the gratification that comes with talking or expressing oneself is immediate. There is also in the "manager should listen" from the parent comment a bit of asymmetry if not hypocrisy, where the manager is the agent prone to maliciousness and the report is the one who should be listened to. And also, and I have been guilty of it like anybody else, I believe that sometimes we don't feel our manager is listening to us because they are not agreeing with us. They listen, they just happen to have a different opinion, but we prefer to say they don't listen. I would say that I am not terribly interested in being listened to beyond the obvious, I particularly appreciate managers who are appreciative, decisive, and smart. Being good at managing largely overlaps with being good at being friends minus the chances of being fired. The manager-report is not the same relationship as friend-friend of course, but I have yet to find a good direct manager who I would not consider good at being friends (reliable, honest, entertaining, decisive etc.), granted, not with me, and viceversa.

borroka 5y ago

Those are some good points. I think there is also a delayed gratification that is coming from listening, while the gratification that comes with talking or expressing oneself is immediate. There is also in the "manager should listen" from the parent comment a bit of asymmetry if not hypocrisy, where the manager is the agent prone to maliciousness and the report is the one who should be listened to. And also, and I have been guilty of it like anybody else, I believe that sometimes we don't feel our manager is listening to us because they are not agreeing with us. They listen, they just happen to have a different opinion, but we prefer to say they don't listen. I would say that I am not terribly interested in being listened to beyond the obvious, I particularly appreciate managers who are appreciative, decisive, and smart. Being good at managing largely overlaps with being good at being friends minus the chances of being fired. The manager-report is not the same relationship as friend-friend of course, but I have yet to find a good direct manager who I would not consider good at being friends (reliable, honest, entertaining, decisive etc.), granted, not with me, and viceversa.