4 ms·

So I wonder about this a lot. If I have a developer on my team who needs to learn X, or get better at Y, I can always offer that feedback and it is construed as

So I wonder about this a lot. If I have a developer on my team who needs to learn X, or get better at Y, I can always offer that feedback and it is construed as constructive feedback. But if I tell a developer who can't speak well or communicate lucidly that they need to work on their communication skills, that comes across as offensive. There was a horrible architect at my previous organization who was universally loathed for his bad communication skills and general lack of empathy. He was a Korean, and his English was abysmal. To him, it felt like something to shrug about. We had to go to HR, multiple times, about his behavior. Nothing much changed because again, they didn't know how to address the core issue, which is he couldn't speak clear English. His lack of empathy became masked with indifference and some of the higher ups (also non native English speakers) supported him saying it was general culture differences. However his lack of communication severely hindered progress and made life difficult. I once had a colleague who had horrendous body odour and wouldn't wear deodorant. It made working with him really difficult. And he was one of the best developers I've known. I've never told him this because I didn't want to offend him, but stuff like this should also be addressed. Communication, body language, writing skills and general personal skills need to be addressed. How do you offer feedback in that sense without embarassing them or offending them?

borroka 5y ago
One day I saw a colleague-to-be with their bare feet on the the desk, I looked at them and I said, "that's a no". He apologized and we moved on. But I also told the guy sitting next to them, "why didn't you say anything to them?".
- jodrellblank 5y ago
  When you left, they turned to each other and said "his answer to solving problems is to immediately demand you change to do what he wants. No asking, no discussion, not even a 'please'."
- bo1024 5y ago
  Maybe it didn't bother that guy.
  - borroka 5y ago
    The nervous smile indicated that was the case, but him being a younger fellow, it was harder for him than for me to tell the other guy to be polite.
xyzelement 5y ago
Great questions/points. To some extent, "you can lead the horse to water but you can't make him drink." In the case if the terrible architect, your big problem was that he didn't want to change / had his head up his ass / didn't see the problem. If you are a peer, there's not much you can do in this case. If you're a friend, you can try to persuade him of the negative impact this is having on him: eg "you know how you always struggle to get your ideas implemented? This is because people have a hard time following you, so your good ideas die on the vine. Do you see that and does that bother you?" If you are his manager, then you can make this more of a performance issue "as an architect, you are expected to clearly communicate solutions and you're not doing that." At the end of the day there's a meta question. Does your company value people who are introspective and will want to evolve? If the answer is yes, they will screen for that in interviews and have it be part of the company culture (so the terrible architect would either not pass the interview because he didn't come across as self aware or he's be pressured to evolve by the culture where everyone else is trying to do better.) If your company doesn't value these traits then you'll end up with people who don't think their shit thinks and that's hard!
bluGill 5y ago
I know a Korean Engineer with terrible English. He is well aware how bad it is, but has no idea how to fix it. I'm a terrible speller (seems to be related to disgraphia - but the diagnosis didn't exist when I was a kid) with no idea how to fix it. It is one thing to say fix your greatest weakness, if it is easy you should. However for many there is more gain from improving on a strength and avoiding situations where the weakness matters; than improving the weakness, even though a small improvement in the weakness is worth more than an improvement in the strength..
- lazyasciiart 5y ago
  In both of those, it seems that you could hire a professional and ask them how to fix it. English as a second language for professionals is an incredibly common subject, he could easily find a class or hire a tutor. If it's holding him back at work then at least some consultation would be worth the cost. For your spelling, it's probably not as easy to find someone targeting you as a demographic, but I'd look for someone who does tutoring for kids with dysgraphia/dyslexia etc. There's a lot of quite specific techniques that are used based on increasing understanding of the underlying causes of spelling difficulties - if you've never learned any targeted at your weaknesses, I bet you could make a noticeable improvement quite quickly. I'd aim for someone who is using research-based methods, since there's still a lot of more folklore-based teaching around on core skills like writing.

borroka 5y ago

One day I saw a colleague-to-be with their bare feet on the the desk, I looked at them and I said, "that's a no". He apologized and we moved on. But I also told the guy sitting next to them, "why didn't you say anything to them?".

jodrellblank 5y ago
When you left, they turned to each other and said "his answer to solving problems is to immediately demand you change to do what he wants. No asking, no discussion, not even a 'please'."
bo1024 5y ago
Maybe it didn't bother that guy.
- borroka 5y ago
  The nervous smile indicated that was the case, but him being a younger fellow, it was harder for him than for me to tell the other guy to be polite.

xyzelement 5y ago

Great questions/points. To some extent, "you can lead the horse to water but you can't make him drink." In the case if the terrible architect, your big problem was that he didn't want to change / had his head up his ass / didn't see the problem. If you are a peer, there's not much you can do in this case. If you're a friend, you can try to persuade him of the negative impact this is having on him: eg "you know how you always struggle to get your ideas implemented? This is because people have a hard time following you, so your good ideas die on the vine. Do you see that and does that bother you?" If you are his manager, then you can make this more of a performance issue "as an architect, you are expected to clearly communicate solutions and you're not doing that." At the end of the day there's a meta question. Does your company value people who are introspective and will want to evolve? If the answer is yes, they will screen for that in interviews and have it be part of the company culture (so the terrible architect would either not pass the interview because he didn't come across as self aware or he's be pressured to evolve by the culture where everyone else is trying to do better.) If your company doesn't value these traits then you'll end up with people who don't think their shit thinks and that's hard!

bluGill 5y ago

I know a Korean Engineer with terrible English. He is well aware how bad it is, but has no idea how to fix it. I'm a terrible speller (seems to be related to disgraphia - but the diagnosis didn't exist when I was a kid) with no idea how to fix it. It is one thing to say fix your greatest weakness, if it is easy you should. However for many there is more gain from improving on a strength and avoiding situations where the weakness matters; than improving the weakness, even though a small improvement in the weakness is worth more than an improvement in the strength..

lazyasciiart 5y ago
In both of those, it seems that you could hire a professional and ask them how to fix it. English as a second language for professionals is an incredibly common subject, he could easily find a class or hire a tutor. If it's holding him back at work then at least some consultation would be worth the cost. For your spelling, it's probably not as easy to find someone targeting you as a demographic, but I'd look for someone who does tutoring for kids with dysgraphia/dyslexia etc. There's a lot of quite specific techniques that are used based on increasing understanding of the underlying causes of spelling difficulties - if you've never learned any targeted at your weaknesses, I bet you could make a noticeable improvement quite quickly. I'd aim for someone who is using research-based methods, since there's still a lot of more folklore-based teaching around on core skills like writing.