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It's funny how I was starting to nod my head at your comment, because yes, I agree that there's some obvious reasons why american men are less interested in col

It's funny how I was starting to nod my head at your comment, because yes, I agree that there's some obvious reasons why american men are less interested in college, and fine, maybe "actively hostile" is a little much but I directionally agree, and then there's: > Just imagine how fraught trying to date would be if you were a young man in a university now and had heterosexual leanings. What? THAT's why the educational system is actively hostile towards boys and young men? Because non-consensual sex is less acceptable than it was 20 years ago? I know young men in college, and things are fine. People drink a little less, talk a little more, are more careful about sex. Everyone still dates, and has sex, and has a good time. And I've seen what happens to rape victims, and it is awful. No one should have to experience that. If the tradeoff is people communicating more and drinking less in exchange for fewer campus rapes, I'm all for it.

at_a_remove 5y ago
So, I was in college when a false rape accusation occurred. How did I know it was false? I was in the room with the supposed rapist when he was supposed to be raping someone. If you didn't "believe," actual fistfights occurred. The accuser would later change her story, and managed to fabricate other things as time went on, including frankly supernatural events. A pointing finger is all that is required these days. And perhaps you should do a bit more reading on some current travesties of justice that have occurred on campuses as of late.
- mattzito 5y ago
  Yeah, so, I’m sorry to hear about this innocent person who was wrongly accused. Let me share a few anecdotes of my own: - a college roommate’s girlfriend who was sleeping over at our dorm awoke in the morning to find another roommate standing over her and masturbating while looking at her. The schools response? “What were you wearing?” and “don’t worry, we will make sure he can’t end up in your boyfriend’s dorm room next year” - another friend was raped at a party, and then was accused of claiming rape because the rapist was the boyfriend of another girl, so clearly she didn’t want to get in trouble for sleeping with someone’s boyfriend. - someone I knew in college got drunk and raped his passed-out girlfriend because he was angry she didn’t want to sleep with him that night. The next day he confessed to myself and a few other people, his girlfriend complained to the school, his parents got a lawyer involved, and that was the end of it. Our description of what he told us was dismissed as our attempt to help the girlfriend by lying. The school year was about to end and they just didn’t want to deal with it. Easier to just sort of let things sort themselves out at the end. Also, btw, the worst part about this last story was that the rapist, when he first came to us was horrified and ashamed of what he had done, and told us in order to ask what he should do. Then, once the girl reported him, he got defensive and started backtracking - “it wasn’t really that bad”, and “she likes stuff like that”, and “it’s just one screwup, why should it ruin my life”. The only redeeming part of this story is that I ran into him many years later and he had gotten sober, done years of therapy, and tried to make amends for his actions. The common things in all three of those stories is that 1) I know them to be true, and 2) someone innocent was harmed in each case. So yes, it sucks when someone is falsely accused of something, and I do think that the way colleges handle complaints could be improved to be more fair to both parties. But let’s not pretend that for every false accusation there aren’t many many actual sexual assaults with innocent victims.
- mkr-hn 5y ago
  There's probably a healthy balance between "believe the victim, or else" and "go back to how things were."

at_a_remove 5y ago

So, I was in college when a false rape accusation occurred. How did I know it was false? I was in the room with the supposed rapist when he was supposed to be raping someone. If you didn't "believe," actual fistfights occurred. The accuser would later change her story, and managed to fabricate other things as time went on, including frankly supernatural events. A pointing finger is all that is required these days. And perhaps you should do a bit more reading on some current travesties of justice that have occurred on campuses as of late.

mattzito 5y ago
Yeah, so, I’m sorry to hear about this innocent person who was wrongly accused. Let me share a few anecdotes of my own: - a college roommate’s girlfriend who was sleeping over at our dorm awoke in the morning to find another roommate standing over her and masturbating while looking at her. The schools response? “What were you wearing?” and “don’t worry, we will make sure he can’t end up in your boyfriend’s dorm room next year” - another friend was raped at a party, and then was accused of claiming rape because the rapist was the boyfriend of another girl, so clearly she didn’t want to get in trouble for sleeping with someone’s boyfriend. - someone I knew in college got drunk and raped his passed-out girlfriend because he was angry she didn’t want to sleep with him that night. The next day he confessed to myself and a few other people, his girlfriend complained to the school, his parents got a lawyer involved, and that was the end of it. Our description of what he told us was dismissed as our attempt to help the girlfriend by lying. The school year was about to end and they just didn’t want to deal with it. Easier to just sort of let things sort themselves out at the end. Also, btw, the worst part about this last story was that the rapist, when he first came to us was horrified and ashamed of what he had done, and told us in order to ask what he should do. Then, once the girl reported him, he got defensive and started backtracking - “it wasn’t really that bad”, and “she likes stuff like that”, and “it’s just one screwup, why should it ruin my life”. The only redeeming part of this story is that I ran into him many years later and he had gotten sober, done years of therapy, and tried to make amends for his actions. The common things in all three of those stories is that 1) I know them to be true, and 2) someone innocent was harmed in each case. So yes, it sucks when someone is falsely accused of something, and I do think that the way colleges handle complaints could be improved to be more fair to both parties. But let’s not pretend that for every false accusation there aren’t many many actual sexual assaults with innocent victims.
mkr-hn 5y ago
There's probably a healthy balance between "believe the victim, or else" and "go back to how things were."