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I would recommend looking into decoupling your social needs from your job. Even in the time before wide spread WFH this was an issue, during good times it feel

I would recommend looking into decoupling your social needs from your job. Even in the time before wide spread WFH this was an issue, during good times it feels great to go into work and get all your social needs met but when layoffs come or companies collapse suddenly that great work friend everyone loves gets let go and in a few more weeks they effectively don't exist anymore. It's great if you can meet people at work and create a real friendship (I've certainly done that). Now that you're remote you can put more time into keeping up with those people. Schedule lunches, video calls etc. Get to know your neighbors better, join local interest groups, schedule video chats with friends you haven't chatted with in a while that live far away, and make sure to get lunch with local friends whenever you can. It will be a bit of transition but ultimately you'll have a much richer social life and honestly enjoy work more as well since you have more outlets in the day that have nothing to do with your 9-5.

paulcole 5y ago
Most people spend 8 hours a day at work. That's a huge amount of our lives. There's a difference between being dependent on work for social contact and wanting to work in an environment that's social. I don't think this person is looking for a work BFF so much as a work environment that is collaborative and isn't built around solo work.
sophacles 5y ago
Wow, what a patronizing response. Some people work better alone, some work better with others around. I'm in the later category - I prefer working with people who I would never consider friends over working alone. It has nothing to do with using work for my social life and everything to do with how I work best. What if you answer the question instead of telling other people how to exist?
spookthesunset 5y ago
That nice but doesn’t answer the question. WFH for a lot of people sucks. Especially roles that aren’t right software engineer. Many roles are very hard to do remote (product, UX, etc) I can’t wait to return to our offices and go back to normal. WFH works for some people and some projects but not all. Plus being around people that aren’t your family is nice too.
LindyTalker 5y ago
Tone deaf. There's still ~6 hours a day of just sitting in a room alone. Glad you've found success in life but this might not be for others
- revzeropointone 5y ago
  I'd much prefer to work alone and in silence than in an open office, or cube, or commute... I can focus on what I'm doing when I'm alone. It's definitely preferable when writing things like code or copy, which is majorly stressful if other people are in the room. If I feel like chatting, I can go to the cafe, talk to a neighbor. Even meeting the same UPS guy every day is kind of nice and makes me feel like my home is part of a regular community. It feels much more natural than spending a good portion of my day on the freeway or in an office and just using my home for a place to sleep.
- mettamage 5y ago
  I have this too. Listening to music when the programming task is simple helps me somewhat. Apparently, it scratches part of the "social itch". YMMV
- baron_harkonnen 5y ago
  Call it what you want but that advice comes from experience. I worked remote for many years before pandemic and had plenty of issues with isolation. Sometimes in life socialization comes easy and requires no work, but that's not always the case. This is a common problem people face once they leave high school/college. The truth is that real social relationships, the ones that keeps us more fulfilled take work. I realized that to not feel lonely all the time when working at home I had to put some effort into making sure I reached out to friends, scheduled lunches and calls (which can happen during that 6 hour period, that's one of the benefits of WFH), make sure I went to local meetups etc. The end result was that from that effort I made some fantastic friendships that were much more fulfilling. Even in the OP's current work environment a little more deliberate effort can go a long a way. I'm sure other coworkers feel the same way, if they pair programmed in the office why not reach out and schedule some pairing sessions? I've know many remote places that do this. Schedule virtual coffees during the day where two people can just chat, again something I've seen at many remote places. Yes, for decades people could get a basic level of socialization for no effort, but like most no effort things that socialization goes as easy as it comes. Having been in a similar situation to OP, that was the lesson I learned so that's the advice I'm giving, which I hardly think is tone deaf.
johnsimer 5y ago
I don’t think humans evolved to be alone/work alone 8 hours a day 5 days a week. We’ve almost always worked in some sort of a community/tribe each day
oluwie 5y ago
You're getting a lot of flack for this response. Although, it's pretty good advice, it just doesn't answer the question proposed.
dd_roger 5y ago
>I would recommend looking into decoupling your social needs from your job. I absolutely hate that this is the standard answer that comes up everytime someone mentions not being happy with WFH. Not only it doesn't answer the question, but it's just a slightly more polite version of "just make friends, duh" which is not helpful at all. To many people (myself included) 2-3 hours of social activities in a day is not enough. I need to be around people, and while it's great to meet some friends in the evening it doesn't change the fact that I just spent 10 miserable hours alone in my appartment. In addition to that, I find there are many disadvantages to remote work: I hate doing over the phone what could have been a nice in-person chat, I hate how tedious it is to show/explain things that would have been easily demonstrated in person, I hate how difficult it is to grasp non-verbal cues, etc. I don't know a single person IRL who likes full time WFH, but judging by how popular it is here, it seems I shouldn't assume that everybody is in the same situation. Conversely, don't assume everybody can turn his miserable WFH experience in something awesome just "by doing stuff in the evening". Btw no offense but I had to laugh at your suggestion that a vido chat is a social activity.

paulcole 5y ago

Most people spend 8 hours a day at work. That's a huge amount of our lives. There's a difference between being dependent on work for social contact and wanting to work in an environment that's social. I don't think this person is looking for a work BFF so much as a work environment that is collaborative and isn't built around solo work.

sophacles 5y ago

Wow, what a patronizing response. Some people work better alone, some work better with others around. I'm in the later category - I prefer working with people who I would never consider friends over working alone. It has nothing to do with using work for my social life and everything to do with how I work best. What if you answer the question instead of telling other people how to exist?

spookthesunset 5y ago

That nice but doesn’t answer the question. WFH for a lot of people sucks. Especially roles that aren’t right software engineer. Many roles are very hard to do remote (product, UX, etc) I can’t wait to return to our offices and go back to normal. WFH works for some people and some projects but not all. Plus being around people that aren’t your family is nice too.

LindyTalker 5y ago

Tone deaf. There's still ~6 hours a day of just sitting in a room alone. Glad you've found success in life but this might not be for others

revzeropointone 5y ago
I'd much prefer to work alone and in silence than in an open office, or cube, or commute... I can focus on what I'm doing when I'm alone. It's definitely preferable when writing things like code or copy, which is majorly stressful if other people are in the room. If I feel like chatting, I can go to the cafe, talk to a neighbor. Even meeting the same UPS guy every day is kind of nice and makes me feel like my home is part of a regular community. It feels much more natural than spending a good portion of my day on the freeway or in an office and just using my home for a place to sleep.
mettamage 5y ago
I have this too. Listening to music when the programming task is simple helps me somewhat. Apparently, it scratches part of the "social itch". YMMV
baron_harkonnen 5y ago
Call it what you want but that advice comes from experience. I worked remote for many years before pandemic and had plenty of issues with isolation. Sometimes in life socialization comes easy and requires no work, but that's not always the case. This is a common problem people face once they leave high school/college. The truth is that real social relationships, the ones that keeps us more fulfilled take work. I realized that to not feel lonely all the time when working at home I had to put some effort into making sure I reached out to friends, scheduled lunches and calls (which can happen during that 6 hour period, that's one of the benefits of WFH), make sure I went to local meetups etc. The end result was that from that effort I made some fantastic friendships that were much more fulfilling. Even in the OP's current work environment a little more deliberate effort can go a long a way. I'm sure other coworkers feel the same way, if they pair programmed in the office why not reach out and schedule some pairing sessions? I've know many remote places that do this. Schedule virtual coffees during the day where two people can just chat, again something I've seen at many remote places. Yes, for decades people could get a basic level of socialization for no effort, but like most no effort things that socialization goes as easy as it comes. Having been in a similar situation to OP, that was the lesson I learned so that's the advice I'm giving, which I hardly think is tone deaf.

johnsimer 5y ago

I don’t think humans evolved to be alone/work alone 8 hours a day 5 days a week. We’ve almost always worked in some sort of a community/tribe each day

oluwie 5y ago

You're getting a lot of flack for this response. Although, it's pretty good advice, it just doesn't answer the question proposed.

dd_roger 5y ago

>I would recommend looking into decoupling your social needs from your job. I absolutely hate that this is the standard answer that comes up everytime someone mentions not being happy with WFH. Not only it doesn't answer the question, but it's just a slightly more polite version of "just make friends, duh" which is not helpful at all. To many people (myself included) 2-3 hours of social activities in a day is not enough. I need to be around people, and while it's great to meet some friends in the evening it doesn't change the fact that I just spent 10 miserable hours alone in my appartment. In addition to that, I find there are many disadvantages to remote work: I hate doing over the phone what could have been a nice in-person chat, I hate how tedious it is to show/explain things that would have been easily demonstrated in person, I hate how difficult it is to grasp non-verbal cues, etc. I don't know a single person IRL who likes full time WFH, but judging by how popular it is here, it seems I shouldn't assume that everybody is in the same situation. Conversely, don't assume everybody can turn his miserable WFH experience in something awesome just "by doing stuff in the evening". Btw no offense but I had to laugh at your suggestion that a vido chat is a social activity.