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Here's the thing though: you should not socialize with anyone at the office. The healthiest thing anyone can do for their career is to not mix work and friends

Here's the thing though: you should not socialize with anyone at the office. The healthiest thing anyone can do for their career is to not mix work and friends. Once you're friends, you're sharing political opinions, life stories, and religious views. People pick up on that, and while you might be pleasing one guy, you're pissing off someone else. No matter your stance on something, you're going to be pissing off someone. Work is for work - not a social life. Yes, it's easy to make friends at work because like in middle school, you're forced together and don't need to break the ice. Very tempting - very bad for the career. What is good for both the career and getting friends is maintaining contact with compatible people from the office once you're out of there, and becoming friends with those people. That works. Now, as far as missing simple human contact while you're at the office - I fully understand that. The problem is, you're forced into that human contact. That's probably healthy, but here's what I do: take a trip for groceries every other day and buy things fresh. Walk around, look for deals, take a full hour. Believe it or not, that alone is enough, as long as you keep doing it. The best part of being remote is you can do that smack in the middle of the day, take a little break from work and break that day up into two smaller parts - not when you're tired after a workday. I do live with my wife though, so maybe don't need as much human contact. But using work for socializing in the office - ugh.

jokethrowaway 5y ago
I think this made more sense in the past when people were holding onto a job for 15 years or maybe jobs in which you won't be able to find an alternative. Nowadays, jobs in tech rarely last more than 4 years and the worst that can happen is that you get a salary increase and change job. I wouldn't skip on work socialisation just out of fear. It's a nice perk to have.
- soylentnewsorg 5y ago
  lol "worst that can happen from socializing with coworkers is you'll have to get a different job" right. the worst that can happen if I take a nice fat dump into my dinner plate is I'll have to get a new dinner plate. it's not fear. it's being at work to do work and get paid being the number one reason to even bother working. and if you're not there to work, why not be at a rock concert instead. with some friends.
hn_throwaway_99 5y ago
To each their own, but to be honest I'm always baffled, and quite saddened, by this "don't make friends at work" "advice". I've made many, many friends at work, and this near-paranoia level of "you might be pissing off someone else" - so what? I don't need, or want, to be friends with everyone, and I'm quite fine if some people don't like me.
- soylentnewsorg 5y ago
  Because you're at work to have a good career and get paid. >so what so they talk behind your back, and that's not good for a work environment. so if any of them are in management, they will impede your career. so eventually when one of those guys you pissed off has a couple of beers too many at a company outing, he is going to talk office-inappropriate crap, and despite what you might think that is bad not just for him, but for you as well. >I'm quite fine if some people don't like me they're not "some people." they are coworkers, and by adding a personal relationship, you are impeding the work you're there to do. if you're not there for work, why not be at a baseball game, and why bother negotiating for a salary? you know who is not fine if some people at the office don't like you, because of a reason You provided to them? everyone above you in your org chart.
  - hn_throwaway_99 5y ago
    Look, like I said, to each their own. From your posts it seems quite clear you have no problem not being friends with people at work. More power to you.
  - TheGigaChad 5y ago
    Get cancer and die.
- jrockway 5y ago
  I agree with you. I get the idea that business and pleasure should be isolated, but for me... 8 of my most-awake hours are spent at work, so I'm going to do normal human things. Some people I will like more than others. Some people will learn things about me that are an information-theoretical disadvantage for me. So it goes. You can make your life miserable if you want to, but it's also OK to be normal. I used to be the "no fun allowed" type, and I wasn't really getting a lot out of it. Now I go to all the "fun" non-work events and have a great time. To each, their own, I guess.
Volrath89 5y ago
I think you are right if your goal is to always climb to higher positions, especially to get to the very top of management. But some of us just want to be normal devs for most of our careers, so I don't care if I piss some % of my coworkers with some political stance, even if that means hindering my chances to get "promotions". I don't even _want_ to get any promotions. And it's also very hard for me to make friends outside of work, which I guess it's true for almost everyone who is 30+ in the western world

jokethrowaway 5y ago

I think this made more sense in the past when people were holding onto a job for 15 years or maybe jobs in which you won't be able to find an alternative. Nowadays, jobs in tech rarely last more than 4 years and the worst that can happen is that you get a salary increase and change job. I wouldn't skip on work socialisation just out of fear. It's a nice perk to have.

soylentnewsorg 5y ago
lol "worst that can happen from socializing with coworkers is you'll have to get a different job" right. the worst that can happen if I take a nice fat dump into my dinner plate is I'll have to get a new dinner plate. it's not fear. it's being at work to do work and get paid being the number one reason to even bother working. and if you're not there to work, why not be at a rock concert instead. with some friends.

hn_throwaway_99 5y ago

To each their own, but to be honest I'm always baffled, and quite saddened, by this "don't make friends at work" "advice". I've made many, many friends at work, and this near-paranoia level of "you might be pissing off someone else" - so what? I don't need, or want, to be friends with everyone, and I'm quite fine if some people don't like me.

soylentnewsorg 5y ago
Because you're at work to have a good career and get paid. >so what so they talk behind your back, and that's not good for a work environment. so if any of them are in management, they will impede your career. so eventually when one of those guys you pissed off has a couple of beers too many at a company outing, he is going to talk office-inappropriate crap, and despite what you might think that is bad not just for him, but for you as well. >I'm quite fine if some people don't like me they're not "some people." they are coworkers, and by adding a personal relationship, you are impeding the work you're there to do. if you're not there for work, why not be at a baseball game, and why bother negotiating for a salary? you know who is not fine if some people at the office don't like you, because of a reason You provided to them? everyone above you in your org chart.
- hn_throwaway_99 5y ago
  Look, like I said, to each their own. From your posts it seems quite clear you have no problem not being friends with people at work. More power to you.
- TheGigaChad 5y ago
  Get cancer and die.
jrockway 5y ago
I agree with you. I get the idea that business and pleasure should be isolated, but for me... 8 of my most-awake hours are spent at work, so I'm going to do normal human things. Some people I will like more than others. Some people will learn things about me that are an information-theoretical disadvantage for me. So it goes. You can make your life miserable if you want to, but it's also OK to be normal. I used to be the "no fun allowed" type, and I wasn't really getting a lot out of it. Now I go to all the "fun" non-work events and have a great time. To each, their own, I guess.

Volrath89 5y ago

I think you are right if your goal is to always climb to higher positions, especially to get to the very top of management. But some of us just want to be normal devs for most of our careers, so I don't care if I piss some % of my coworkers with some political stance, even if that means hindering my chances to get "promotions". I don't even _want_ to get any promotions. And it's also very hard for me to make friends outside of work, which I guess it's true for almost everyone who is 30+ in the western world