>Jews have a tradition of Shiva (7 days where the bereaved stays home, and people visit them). The advice given in Shiva is don't talk, just listen. This. Whe

>Jews have a tradition of Shiva (7 days where the bereaved stays home, and people visit them). The advice given in Shiva is don't talk, just listen. This. When one is grieving, let them set the agenda. Don't push them to do anything. Everyone processes grief differently, and we all need to come to the reality of our loss in our own way and our own time. If you start making "suggestions" or trying to "help" someone process their grief without being invited to do so, all you're doing is adding to the stress of the situation, not alleviating it. And this doesn't just apply to the grief of loss either. Sometimes (often), in times of stress, folks want/need to express themselves and often ask questions and express doubts. That doesn't mean they actually want answers. Rather, they're expressing their thoughts and feelings and just need to do so without comment, judgement or suggestions as to how to "fix" the problem. So just listen and give the grieving person what the specifically ask for. The most important thing is to actually be there. That's a lesson that took me a long time to learn. I'm someone who tries to be empathetic and wants to "help" by creating a solution. But often it's not a solution that's needed or wanted, just an ear, a shoulder and no judgement.