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At this point, I could retire, but I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life. I feel like I have achieved all I could (which is very wrong, but that's

by iSnow 5y ago

At this point, I could retire, but I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life. I feel like I have achieved all I could (which is very wrong, but that's how it feels) I'm no longer young and I have family, so simply packing my bags and touring the world is out. Can't take my kids for a 1y world tour either, the school system doesn't allow it. Going on expeditions would saddle my wife with the full child care, something I dare not ask. Just staying at home for the kids would probably get boring. I did like to code, but 10y in enterprise have cooled me to it somewhat and I feel my age. Just joining some OSS project to kill time isn't that great either if you just dropped your coding job. I don't really know how to socialize and have no (next to no) friends. And those that I have, I tend to neglect for some reason. I have some ADHD traits and the older I get, the harder I find it to focus for longer times or concentrate deeply enough to really solve challenging problems, so I doubt I'll start 3D-printing the next drone generation or rebuild a vintage car or something. It's a weird problem to have, but I feel like not retiring so I don't bore myself to death.

fsiefken 5y ago
What about picking up a hobby where long stretches of concentration aren't needed and there can be a slight social angle? I personally would love to have more time for solo board gaming or board gaming online? With board gaming the social interaction is on rails with the game, the same goes for joining a book club or more non-cognitively with solo or pair dancing. And then there is the meditative path. * solo board gaming https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUqB2AKAexw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUqB2AKAexw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpyeWbbdssY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpyeWbbdssY * paul schelnutt dancing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2Zbs56AKYs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2Zbs56AKYs * ecstatic dance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY41coxPKuY&t=70s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY41coxPKuY&t=70s
- iSnow 5y ago
  Thanks for answering :) I could do all that, it's just that nothing "clicks" in the sense that I really want to do it, instead of doing it to pass time. That sounds like depression and maybe it is, but I feel it's got more to do with the "I have achieved all I wanted in life, wife, kids, wealth, whoops, now what?" thing. When I was younger, every item of that list seemed like a challenge, and now that they are behind me, I realize I never planned for it. Also when I was younger, I was just day dreaming when I wasn't busy and I was content. Now that I feel that I only have a couple of decades left, I feel the need to no longer waste my time. That kinda clashes with the lack of ambition. Work helps in the sense that I have social interaction outside the family and some problems to solve, but I also feel I am just papering over a void.
  - fsiefken 5y ago
    Yes, it sounds it has less to do with depression and more with working through existential questions https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_Psychotherapy_(book)#Part_IV:_Meaninglessness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_Psychotherapy_(boo... or the buddhist notion not to waste time https://tricycle.org/magazine/how-not-waste-time/ https://tricycle.org/magazine/how-not-waste-time/
  - heliodor 5y ago
    Maybe "not waste time" means do something big and important, impactful. But that feels overwhelming and that prevents you from getting started, which can manifest as lack of ambition. Once you work on something for a bit, you start feeling driven.
kangnkodos 5y ago
You can't take your kids out for a week or a month. But if you take your kids out of the country for a whole school year, what would stop you?
- iSnow 5y ago
  The German school system doesn't take kindly to this, AFAIK. Maybe if we temporarily gave up residency, but as far as I know, the equivalent of CPS would have some questions.
  - kangnkodos 5y ago
    Yes. A friend was homeschooling her kids in the US, and then her husband got an assignment in Germany for about a year. She took the kids and joined her husband in Germany for a few months. The rules were all different, and much stricter in Germany. I remember she was thinking of trying to continue to home school there, and keep her kids inside during school hours, and try to slide under the radar. I don't remember if she got away with it or not.
    - iSnow 5y ago
      If I may say so, your friend isn't the brightest candle on the cake if she didn't research the rules before and then tried to dodge them. I bet she would have cried foul murder if CPS came to her house and threatened to take away her kids...
      - kangnkodos 5y ago
        I double checked, and my friend successfully got away with homeschooling her kids in Germany. This was over five years ago. She thinks that maybe because she's American, they didn't follow up as much as they would have with a German citizen. She also told me today that she was there for almost a year, not a few months. I wouldn't suggest anyone else try this.
driverdan 5y ago
It sounds like you should talk with a mental health professional.

by iSnow 5y ago

fsiefken 5y ago

What about picking up a hobby where long stretches of concentration aren't needed and there can be a slight social angle? I personally would love to have more time for solo board gaming or board gaming online? With board gaming the social interaction is on rails with the game, the same goes for joining a book club or more non-cognitively with solo or pair dancing. And then there is the meditative path. * solo board gaming https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUqB2AKAexw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUqB2AKAexw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpyeWbbdssY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpyeWbbdssY * paul schelnutt dancing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2Zbs56AKYs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2Zbs56AKYs * ecstatic dance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY41coxPKuY&t=70s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY41coxPKuY&t=70s

iSnow 5y ago
Thanks for answering :) I could do all that, it's just that nothing "clicks" in the sense that I really want to do it, instead of doing it to pass time. That sounds like depression and maybe it is, but I feel it's got more to do with the "I have achieved all I wanted in life, wife, kids, wealth, whoops, now what?" thing. When I was younger, every item of that list seemed like a challenge, and now that they are behind me, I realize I never planned for it. Also when I was younger, I was just day dreaming when I wasn't busy and I was content. Now that I feel that I only have a couple of decades left, I feel the need to no longer waste my time. That kinda clashes with the lack of ambition. Work helps in the sense that I have social interaction outside the family and some problems to solve, but I also feel I am just papering over a void.
- fsiefken 5y ago
  Yes, it sounds it has less to do with depression and more with working through existential questions https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_Psychotherapy_(book)#Part_IV:_Meaninglessness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_Psychotherapy_(boo... or the buddhist notion not to waste time https://tricycle.org/magazine/how-not-waste-time/ https://tricycle.org/magazine/how-not-waste-time/
- heliodor 5y ago
  Maybe "not waste time" means do something big and important, impactful. But that feels overwhelming and that prevents you from getting started, which can manifest as lack of ambition. Once you work on something for a bit, you start feeling driven.

kangnkodos 5y ago

You can't take your kids out for a week or a month. But if you take your kids out of the country for a whole school year, what would stop you?

iSnow 5y ago
The German school system doesn't take kindly to this, AFAIK. Maybe if we temporarily gave up residency, but as far as I know, the equivalent of CPS would have some questions.
- kangnkodos 5y ago
  Yes. A friend was homeschooling her kids in the US, and then her husband got an assignment in Germany for about a year. She took the kids and joined her husband in Germany for a few months. The rules were all different, and much stricter in Germany. I remember she was thinking of trying to continue to home school there, and keep her kids inside during school hours, and try to slide under the radar. I don't remember if she got away with it or not.
  - iSnow 5y ago
    If I may say so, your friend isn't the brightest candle on the cake if she didn't research the rules before and then tried to dodge them. I bet she would have cried foul murder if CPS came to her house and threatened to take away her kids...
    - kangnkodos 5y ago
      I double checked, and my friend successfully got away with homeschooling her kids in Germany. This was over five years ago. She thinks that maybe because she's American, they didn't follow up as much as they would have with a German citizen. She also told me today that she was there for almost a year, not a few months. I wouldn't suggest anyone else try this.

driverdan 5y ago

It sounds like you should talk with a mental health professional.