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A relationship and need for connection is a built in primal need we have. The western mindset is heavily placing monogamist relationships in the context of a wi

by serpix 5y ago

A relationship and need for connection is a built in primal need we have. The western mindset is heavily placing monogamist relationships in the context of a win-lose game. A zero sum game. No relationship survives this, as the whole point of being with another human is emotional growth, security and healthy dependence from each other. Teal Swan has a brilliant video on the zero sum game mindset.

shagie 5y ago
I'll grant the need for connection associated with a monogamist relationship. The path my life has lead me through has gotten to the amount of effort to find and establish that relationship as part of courtship isn't worth it / required too much. Trying to find that relationship in SV in the late 90s through 00s when my life was most flexible lead to some substantial disappointments. At this point, I'm not going to be looking for a woman in her 40s or 50s to try to settle down with - it just doesn't make sense. I don't have a desire to pursue the financial and time obligations of courtship. In the frame of "win lose", finding the right person is win-win. However, trying and not finding someone enough times leaves one rather averse to trying again. One could try to attribute this to learned helplessness. Trying again isn't enjoyable / rewarding. As it is, I am reasonably happy, content, and successful by myself. I have the resources and time to pursue what interests me to what I feel is a greater amount than if I was in a partnered relationship.
floatingatoll 5y ago
Western culture also frequently confuses (seemingly intentionally) the need for human connection and relationships with a societal pressure to reproduce. There are quite a lot of people who desire the former and not the latter, which opens the door to having a satisfactory social life without dating or marriage at all.

by serpix 5y ago

shagie 5y ago

I'll grant the need for connection associated with a monogamist relationship. The path my life has lead me through has gotten to the amount of effort to find and establish that relationship as part of courtship isn't worth it / required too much. Trying to find that relationship in SV in the late 90s through 00s when my life was most flexible lead to some substantial disappointments. At this point, I'm not going to be looking for a woman in her 40s or 50s to try to settle down with - it just doesn't make sense. I don't have a desire to pursue the financial and time obligations of courtship. In the frame of "win lose", finding the right person is win-win. However, trying and not finding someone enough times leaves one rather averse to trying again. One could try to attribute this to learned helplessness. Trying again isn't enjoyable / rewarding. As it is, I am reasonably happy, content, and successful by myself. I have the resources and time to pursue what interests me to what I feel is a greater amount than if I was in a partnered relationship.

floatingatoll 5y ago

Western culture also frequently confuses (seemingly intentionally) the need for human connection and relationships with a societal pressure to reproduce. There are quite a lot of people who desire the former and not the latter, which opens the door to having a satisfactory social life without dating or marriage at all.