4 ms·

I'm quite a feminine guy and I was always called various homophobic slurs at school. Even though I wasn't gay I didn't understand why it would matter if I was s

by kypro 5y ago

I'm quite a feminine guy and I was always called various homophobic slurs at school. Even though I wasn't gay I didn't understand why it would matter if I was so I would just say "ok". Even when the insults could be considered objectively offensive I'm still generally okay with it. I've been called names quite a bit in the workplace over the years and I'm okay with it if makes them happy. Being autistic I don't really care and neurotypical people seem to get enjoyment calling people names so it's win-win. High EQ individuals have told me this is wrong and the appropriate reaction would be to take offence and try to make them feel bad, but I've argued this would just result in an objective reduction in happiness in the world so it wouldn't make sense. Plus, most of the time my colleagues have been nice to my face so it's not like it's ever got in the way of me doing my job.

qwerty456127 5y ago
I adore you but doubt your judgement about those being high EQ individuals. By the way in the middle school we used a derogatory for gay every day without even having any idea of what did it mean, all we knew was that was the worst word we knew. When others bullied me (always (or I just never cared and don't remember the verbal) physically, way harder to endure) I occasionally went mad and called them this word repeatedly.
- dmos62 5y ago
  This is neither here nor there, but I learned from watching Louie that "faggot", the derogatory term for homosexuals, has the same origins as the word "fascism" – a bundle of sticks. The idea is that in the dark days of witch trials, one would, apparently, not only burn supposed witches, but also homosexuals. However, since homosexuals were thought of as less than witches, while a witch got the stake, the homosexuals were thrown in with the bundles of firewood. The now archaic word for a bundle of sticks was faggot, or fire-faggot in the case of firewood. The part about different forms of herecy receiving different treatment at the stake might be artistic license, the rest is true though. https://www.oed.com/viewdictionaryentry/Entry/67623#eid4643623 https://www.oed.com/viewdictionaryentry/Entry/67623#eid46436...
  - CRConrad 5y ago
    This is probably also the root of the other meaning of the word "fag", which in British English slang (or is it even "slang" any more?) means not only "homosexual" but also "cigarette": A little stick that burns.
tailspin2019 5y ago
> High EQ individuals have told me this is wrong and the appropriate reaction would be to take offence and try to make them feel bad, but I've argued this would just result in an objective reduction in happiness in the world so it wouldn't make sense. As the sibling comment eluded to, you definitely seem to be the "High EQ individual" in this story!
tremon 5y ago
neurotypical people seem to get enjoyment calling people names I'm of two minds about this, because of the generality of this blanket statement. Why should we accept this as the norm? I would classify these people ("enjoy calling people names") as abusive, and think that classifying this behaviour as neurotypical effectively legitimizes it. That said, nicknames are also an expression of affection and inclusivity, and derogatory nicknames are not necessarily meant as an insult. Still, they're just as easily used to demean, belittle or dehumanize the target, so it depends a lot on context. I understand what you mean, but I disagree with your general statement.
Sporktacular 5y ago
"Being autistic I don't really care and neurotypical people seem to get enjoyment calling people names so it's win-win." Not sure how you win exactly, but others in a similar position but sensitive to name calling certainly don't.
jonathanstrange 5y ago
The thing with basic etiquette and other secondary virtues is that if you have none of them, the climate can become horribly rough and unpleasant but you can also overdo them. It's all about a reasonable equilibrium. As for name calling and slurs at work, I don't see a reason why these should ever be tolerated. Someone who cannot demonstrate a minimum of politeness towards their colleagues shouldn't be part of the team. To me this is a no-brainer. Usernames are a bit different IMHO. In a general social network, offensive usernames give important clues that allow you to avoid all contact and block users before you even talk to them. So maybe banning them does more of a disservice than a service to other users.
- CRConrad 5y ago
  > As for name calling and slurs at work, I don't see a reason why these should ever be tolerated. The problem is when language changes for some but not all, so suddenly words that used to be perfectly normal are considered slurs: Those who learned and use them in the original non-offensive sense are suddenly, and in their own opinion unjustly, seen as bigoted.
CRConrad 5y ago
> High EQ individuals have told me this is wrong and the appropriate reaction would be to take offence and try to make them feel bad, but I've argued this would just result in an objective reduction in happiness in the world so it wouldn't make sense. Plus, most of the time my colleagues have been nice to my face so it's not like it's ever got in the way of me doing my job. You may be wrong, and these "High EQ individuals" right, in the sense that your acquiescence to this bullying behaviour might encourage the bullies to keep it up with others too. In that sense, your standing up against them would be not just for yourself but for all their potential future victims too, which would increase the future sum total of happiness in the world. (I'm not saying it is necessarily so, but it may be.)

by kypro 5y ago

qwerty456127 5y ago

I adore you but doubt your judgement about those being high EQ individuals. By the way in the middle school we used a derogatory for gay every day without even having any idea of what did it mean, all we knew was that was the worst word we knew. When others bullied me (always (or I just never cared and don't remember the verbal) physically, way harder to endure) I occasionally went mad and called them this word repeatedly.

dmos62 5y ago
This is neither here nor there, but I learned from watching Louie that "faggot", the derogatory term for homosexuals, has the same origins as the word "fascism" – a bundle of sticks. The idea is that in the dark days of witch trials, one would, apparently, not only burn supposed witches, but also homosexuals. However, since homosexuals were thought of as less than witches, while a witch got the stake, the homosexuals were thrown in with the bundles of firewood. The now archaic word for a bundle of sticks was faggot, or fire-faggot in the case of firewood. The part about different forms of herecy receiving different treatment at the stake might be artistic license, the rest is true though. https://www.oed.com/viewdictionaryentry/Entry/67623#eid4643623 https://www.oed.com/viewdictionaryentry/Entry/67623#eid46436...
- CRConrad 5y ago
  This is probably also the root of the other meaning of the word "fag", which in British English slang (or is it even "slang" any more?) means not only "homosexual" but also "cigarette": A little stick that burns.

tailspin2019 5y ago

> High EQ individuals have told me this is wrong and the appropriate reaction would be to take offence and try to make them feel bad, but I've argued this would just result in an objective reduction in happiness in the world so it wouldn't make sense. As the sibling comment eluded to, you definitely seem to be the "High EQ individual" in this story!

tremon 5y ago

neurotypical people seem to get enjoyment calling people names I'm of two minds about this, because of the generality of this blanket statement. Why should we accept this as the norm? I would classify these people ("enjoy calling people names") as abusive, and think that classifying this behaviour as neurotypical effectively legitimizes it. That said, nicknames are also an expression of affection and inclusivity, and derogatory nicknames are not necessarily meant as an insult. Still, they're just as easily used to demean, belittle or dehumanize the target, so it depends a lot on context. I understand what you mean, but I disagree with your general statement.

Sporktacular 5y ago

"Being autistic I don't really care and neurotypical people seem to get enjoyment calling people names so it's win-win." Not sure how you win exactly, but others in a similar position but sensitive to name calling certainly don't.

jonathanstrange 5y ago

The thing with basic etiquette and other secondary virtues is that if you have none of them, the climate can become horribly rough and unpleasant but you can also overdo them. It's all about a reasonable equilibrium. As for name calling and slurs at work, I don't see a reason why these should ever be tolerated. Someone who cannot demonstrate a minimum of politeness towards their colleagues shouldn't be part of the team. To me this is a no-brainer. Usernames are a bit different IMHO. In a general social network, offensive usernames give important clues that allow you to avoid all contact and block users before you even talk to them. So maybe banning them does more of a disservice than a service to other users.

CRConrad 5y ago
> As for name calling and slurs at work, I don't see a reason why these should ever be tolerated. The problem is when language changes for some but not all, so suddenly words that used to be perfectly normal are considered slurs: Those who learned and use them in the original non-offensive sense are suddenly, and in their own opinion unjustly, seen as bigoted.

CRConrad 5y ago

> High EQ individuals have told me this is wrong and the appropriate reaction would be to take offence and try to make them feel bad, but I've argued this would just result in an objective reduction in happiness in the world so it wouldn't make sense. Plus, most of the time my colleagues have been nice to my face so it's not like it's ever got in the way of me doing my job. You may be wrong, and these "High EQ individuals" right, in the sense that your acquiescence to this bullying behaviour might encourage the bullies to keep it up with others too. In that sense, your standing up against them would be not just for yourself but for all their potential future victims too, which would increase the future sum total of happiness in the world. (I'm not saying it is necessarily so, but it may be.)