> but dropped it because it was tied to doing work around the house which we felt they should do anyway. Thank you for mentioning this. It may be useful for ot

> but dropped it because it was tied to doing work around the house which we felt they should do anyway. Thank you for mentioning this. It may be useful for other parents to know - research shows that rewards kill intrinsic motivation, replacing it with extrinsic motivation. When the reward stops, the rewarded behaviors stop, too. If a child likes to draw, for example, rewarding them for drawing will damage their relationship with drawing. The message of rewards is - the thing you’re doing is not worth it unless you get the reward. Praise, conditional approval, attention, otherwise withheld access to activities, are all rewards. Lastly, rewards are also punishments - because withholding a reward is punishment. Punishments and rewards establish a transactional relationship and reduce intimacy, connection and trust. They are all a tool for control. I recommend Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards for a deep dive with a lot of citations showcasing some fascinating studies.