3 ms·

Ran across this earlier today: “For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidde

Ran across this earlier today: “For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…” -- Tim Leary [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/514216-admit-it-you-aren-t-like-them-you-re-not-even-close https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/514216-admit-it-you-aren-t-...]

willhinsa 5y ago
Absolutely. But I've found that small talk sows the seeds for a much better landing. It's not something I find myself wanting to life hack away. Because often the small talk transforms within a couple of minutes or even seconds into something "Real" or "Unique" (quotes around those words not because I don't think small talk isn't real or unique, but what likely a lot of people might think. Basically, what I mean by "Real" or "Unique" is to say, transcendental.) YMMV, but it's been my experience that small talk is a skill that you can exercise and has its own value, not simply something to be waited through until you can get to something of substance.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- taxicabjesus 5y ago
  > Because often the small talk transforms within a couple of minutes or even seconds into something "Real" or "Unique" I used small talk to figure out if my passengers had something interesting that I'd be interested in knowing about. Standard Questions -> specific questions. > YMMV, but it's been my experience that small talk is a skill that you can exercise and has its own value, "The most important thing about learning to talk to strangers is practice. Taxi driving gave me lots of new people to talk to every day." - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27835024 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27835024 (submission: "The vital art of talking to strangers")
- mswen 5y ago
  One of my good friends spent a couple of years selling grain silos to farmers in the American Midwest. I heard about this some years later when we were living in the same community again and able to get together for coffee once in awhile. He commented how often the following question opened farmers up to a much deeper conversation that had nothing to do with grain silos. His opening question would often be "How goes the battle?" Although he did well at selling, he is a person who is genuinely interested in others in a warm caring way. So I am sure it was his manner as well as the specific question. But I love the question as well. How goes the battle? Immediately acknowledges that life isn't easy, that the things we struggle with are okay to talk about. However, if the person isn't in the mood to go deeper they can just respond with "fine", "alright" or "can't complain" and just move on without going deeper. But asked in a genuine caring way, "how goes the battle?", invites a deeper more authentic response about struggles.
  - arrow7000 5y ago
    I love this. I might start using this – if I can summon the courage.
Hendrikto 5y ago
> For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Not really. Most of the time, I am wishing that I did not have to talk to that person at all.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
  I'm with you. I find spontaneous conversation with strangers ranges from tedious to terrifying and would rather it never happens.
  - Nerwesta 5y ago
    Depends on how people generally act on a given society I guess. Some are definitely warmer than others.

willhinsa 5y ago

Absolutely. But I've found that small talk sows the seeds for a much better landing. It's not something I find myself wanting to life hack away. Because often the small talk transforms within a couple of minutes or even seconds into something "Real" or "Unique" (quotes around those words not because I don't think small talk isn't real or unique, but what likely a lot of people might think. Basically, what I mean by "Real" or "Unique" is to say, transcendental.) YMMV, but it's been my experience that small talk is a skill that you can exercise and has its own value, not simply something to be waited through until you can get to something of substance.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
taxicabjesus 5y ago
> Because often the small talk transforms within a couple of minutes or even seconds into something "Real" or "Unique" I used small talk to figure out if my passengers had something interesting that I'd be interested in knowing about. Standard Questions -> specific questions. > YMMV, but it's been my experience that small talk is a skill that you can exercise and has its own value, "The most important thing about learning to talk to strangers is practice. Taxi driving gave me lots of new people to talk to every day." - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27835024 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27835024 (submission: "The vital art of talking to strangers")
mswen 5y ago
One of my good friends spent a couple of years selling grain silos to farmers in the American Midwest. I heard about this some years later when we were living in the same community again and able to get together for coffee once in awhile. He commented how often the following question opened farmers up to a much deeper conversation that had nothing to do with grain silos. His opening question would often be "How goes the battle?" Although he did well at selling, he is a person who is genuinely interested in others in a warm caring way. So I am sure it was his manner as well as the specific question. But I love the question as well. How goes the battle? Immediately acknowledges that life isn't easy, that the things we struggle with are okay to talk about. However, if the person isn't in the mood to go deeper they can just respond with "fine", "alright" or "can't complain" and just move on without going deeper. But asked in a genuine caring way, "how goes the battle?", invites a deeper more authentic response about struggles.
- arrow7000 5y ago
  I love this. I might start using this – if I can summon the courage.

Hendrikto 5y ago

> For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Not really. Most of the time, I am wishing that I did not have to talk to that person at all.

AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
I'm with you. I find spontaneous conversation with strangers ranges from tedious to terrifying and would rather it never happens.
- Nerwesta 5y ago
  Depends on how people generally act on a given society I guess. Some are definitely warmer than others.