6 ms·
What's liberating about talking with strangers is they don't know who you are, where you came from, what you've done, what you haven't done, who you know, or wh
by wombatmobile 5y ago
What's liberating about talking with strangers is they don't know who you are, where you came from, what you've done, what you haven't done, who you know, or what you're like.
You can say whatever you say knowing you can't be judged by or held to some constraint from the past.
If your views on euthanasia are changing, because you suddenly have a close elderly relative or an associate whose circumstances are changing, a stranger won't berate you for having attended church for most of your life, even though you advocated the church's ideals which included no support for euthanasia. You can just talk about that subject in the context of your current circumstances, needs, and beliefs.
That's liberating and likely to be informative.
If you want to try out or finesse a different political point of view, such as that capital gains should be taxed more or less, or the death penalty is immoral, or social security should be limited to people who have worked and paid taxes for a minimum of 7 years, you can try that with a stranger and just listen to what they say, without having to assure them that you are from a friendly tribe or that you have an open mind, because they won't know your income or your status or your voting record.
When you speak points of view in an anonymous guise, or at least, one that isn't tethered to any prior baggage, you gain an opportunity to refresh your understanding in ways that you normally don't get from people who have such well developed expectations about you that they can't really hear what you are saying.
The same is true in deeply personal matters such as affairs of the heart, and confessions of moral confusion and even complicity in crimes. For many people, it's not until they hear someone's completely independent echo of a picture they've painted of themself that they begin to see themselves in a different light.
The great thing about this process is it isn't limited to one stranger, in the same way that your conversations with your bff is limited to only your bff.
Strangers are everywhere, and once you know how to strike up a meaningful conversation with them, you can do it again and again.
If you've never had this kind of conversation with a stranger, how can you be sure you know who you are?
- robbedpeter 5y agoThis is a critical element of why online discussion forums and anonymity are so powerfully liberating. You can discard the social masks you wear among friends and family, and try different ideas and viewpoints. There's no price to be paid at the judgment of strangers. It's perceived to be significantly more difficult to approach strangers in the real world, and successful relationships seem to fix people into whatever patterns initiated it. Successfully developing the ability to approach strangers in real life is more potent than anything online - it can be unhealthy, as with pickup artists, or joining evangelistic cults, mlm, and so on, but socialization at that level seems to be a common trait among highly interesting people.
- thrdbndndn 5y agoIronically, I don't find discussion online any liberating (and I don't know why).
- notenoughhorses 5y agoI like it, but it doesn’t feel liberating. It feels like you need to be very careful, because if you express yourself in a way that could be taken the wrong way, it will be! But I like getting the insight into how many different people think. Edit: typo
- ssdspoimdsjvv 5y agoOnline discussions lack tone of voice, intonation, etc. and any form of non-verbal communication which makes it really hard to judge the intention of the other person. And of course pure anonymity makes it possible to be an asshole without having to suffer the consequences.
- robbedpeter 5y agoConsider the absolute freedom of 4chan folks. They can say literally anything, and land in good discussions whenever they choose, if they're willing to tolerate the noise. Can't really get that in real life except among really close friends.
- Ntrails 5y agoBasically there are not many places you can take a premise at face value and just throw thoughts out without worrying about consequence to social standing etc.
- afarrell 5y agoThey also lack the ability to signal listening.
- Akronymus 5y ago
- ikr678 5y agoAlso, while exploring new ideas one-on-one with a stranger, you already have their attention so you don't have to shout(or take an extreme position) to be heard. There is more room for nuance.
- psalminen 5y agoYou worded this completely correct. This exactly describes a lot of my social behaviours for years pre-covid. It is absolutely amazing to go into a conversation as the person you want to be and gain what you want from it. In the best case scenario, you are able to realize new aspects about yourself. In the worst case scenario, you are able to express your thoughts with no repercussions, ala Fight Club's "single-serving friends".
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- rhn_mk1 5y agoAfter you wrote > The same is true in deeply personal matters such as affairs of the heart, and confessions of moral confusion and even complicity in crimes. what came to my mind is the conversation I had with someone who confessed they would rather tell their secrets to Amazon than their neighbor, because Amazon is more distant. What I didn't consider then is that distance is a proxy for strangeness in humans, and that's why such inversion may feel natural. We indeed know very little about the people in Amazon, but where it fails today is that megacorps and their constituents know (or can know) a lot more about us than the neighbour.
- agumonkey 5y agoInternet was like that at first for me. Anonymity is freeing. But it's not a goal, in the end you want long-term bonds. Also I believe holidays filled that role for kids. A new space of growth.
- mcspiff 5y agoI wish I had some really insightful reply that would expand upon this, but really I think you captured it beautifully. I can remember conversations at a music festival 20 years ago for exactly the reasons you said — in one or two nights I was able to “try on” 3 or 4 different versions of myself at a time where I was really trying to figure out who I was. For anyone really, but especially as you come out of school and start making your way in the world that’s just such a powerful thing. Thank you for reminding me of those nights, it really was a pleasant bit of nostalgia.