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How high? There is a point where you hire help and this becomes moot. Below that point, it comes to how you want to solve the finance problem as a couple IMO:

by SubuSS 5y ago

How high? There is a point where you hire help and this becomes moot. Below that point, it comes to how you want to solve the finance problem as a couple IMO: if both your salaries are required, then obviously it means a full split. Anecdotally - my wife chose to remain home and help raise our child / take care of the home and this turned out to be a force multiplier for me. I don’t think I would’ve made it to where I am, made whatever I made, built all my time sink hobbies without that decision. It comes down to communication and being truthful to yourself Re: why do you want that job? If it is a passion, you should go for it irrespective of the earnings. If it is just an income, you’re just working for a random person instead of your own family. That’s a tough line to cross, but it worked for us with enough comms.

watwut 5y ago
No matter how high, honestly. Because even with maids, the underlying sentiment there is that I count for less. In case of conflict of interest, partner earning more means I automatically loose. "I earn more therefore I contribute more therefore I get what I want" is situation I would find pleasant. However, "I earn less, therefore I contribute less, therefore I have to suck it up and accept being second" is situation I would resent and dislike. Your wife and you situation sounds like falling into "mutually agreed upon in advance".
- SubuSS 5y ago
  Again I think there is a curve :) There is a point beyond which earning potential stops being a differentiator: you both have enough that it doesn’t matter. I agree there will be some hard conversations to get out of the preset habits though. Till the point where the earning is necessary for your lifestyle - I can see how the first and second concept will play out: but that’s the trade off you’re taking for the benefits I mentioned. I do agree all of this is based on the mutual agreement part. I was just pointing out it isn’t as dire as you say :)
  - sokoloff 5y ago
    Indeed, if you're "keeping score" with compensation with your peers, colleagues, and friends, it might not be the healthiest thing to do, but I get it. If you're "keeping score" in compensation with your life partner, that seems deeply unhealthy. I'd love for my partner to make some multiple of what I make; we could retire that much earlier.

by SubuSS 5y ago

watwut 5y ago

No matter how high, honestly. Because even with maids, the underlying sentiment there is that I count for less. In case of conflict of interest, partner earning more means I automatically loose. "I earn more therefore I contribute more therefore I get what I want" is situation I would find pleasant. However, "I earn less, therefore I contribute less, therefore I have to suck it up and accept being second" is situation I would resent and dislike. Your wife and you situation sounds like falling into "mutually agreed upon in advance".

SubuSS 5y ago
Again I think there is a curve :) There is a point beyond which earning potential stops being a differentiator: you both have enough that it doesn’t matter. I agree there will be some hard conversations to get out of the preset habits though. Till the point where the earning is necessary for your lifestyle - I can see how the first and second concept will play out: but that’s the trade off you’re taking for the benefits I mentioned. I do agree all of this is based on the mutual agreement part. I was just pointing out it isn’t as dire as you say :)
- sokoloff 5y ago
  Indeed, if you're "keeping score" with compensation with your peers, colleagues, and friends, it might not be the healthiest thing to do, but I get it. If you're "keeping score" in compensation with your life partner, that seems deeply unhealthy. I'd love for my partner to make some multiple of what I make; we could retire that much earlier.