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Some people just don't like committed relationships. You might be someone like that. On the other hand, many young people think they don't ever want commitment

Some people just don't like committed relationships. You might be someone like that. On the other hand, many young people think they don't ever want commitment when they are young, and then end up changing their minds later. This pattern is extremely common. No way except time to tell which category you're in. With regards to the notion that we live too longer for lifelong monogamy: that's probably true for some people and not for others. I do think that if the human lifespan were stretched to 1000 years, but society were otherwise the same, few people would remain in a single monogamous relationship for the entire duration.

slothtrop 5y ago
I don't think it's that simple anymore. A person isn't necessarily inherently of the type to be committal or non-committal. Broadly speaking the choices can offer different rewards, but usually it's case-by-case, depending on the circumstances surrounding each prospective relationship. An easy example in your early-mid 20s is the prospect of moving for work and education, and forgoing long-distance, but we can set this one aside because it's a heavy extraneous circumstance. The early relationships I had carried a more laissez-faire "let's wait and see" attitude, at least on my part. Most people will not end up marrying their high-school sweetheart, but it's good to date around to discover ourselves and others. What I didn't count on was that a) emotional bonds will happen almost every time, and break ups will hit hard, and b) wait-and-see doesn't work very well for the long-run. People don't change that much. If you're committing in the hopes that you will feel more strongly about someone later, don't. And be honest about the way you feel as soon as you know it. Respect your time and others'. I carried that non-committal approach into my 20s because I was an emotional fuck-up with lots of anxiety and plagued with insomnia. I couldn't be alone. It wasn't until later that I pulled the plug on a relationship and decided I wouldn't jump on another until I felt more certain about them. Now I'm married. I think we take for granted how difficult being alone can be for some people owing to x y struggles, which is unfair to their partners. Relationships take work, both parties need to invest in each other. There will be times when things feel more stagnant and familiar, and times of great intimacy, etc. A common apprehension about commitment you hear is "won't I still be attracted to other people?". Yes, you will. It won't matter. "How do I know I'm not settling?". What? It's either a happy relationship or it isn't. Trying to min/max superficial attributes is a fool's errand. Tend to your garden. Rewards are way greater in a loving relationship.
- asdfasgasdgasdg 5y ago
  Necessarily, any two paragraph comment on relationships is going to be a simplification. :) But I still contend that the simplification is basically true: some people, during their youth, believe that they never want commitment. For many of those people, their preferences shift, but for some, they don't. Not all the people who prefer non-commitment are "emotional fuckups," but I'll allow that some are.

slothtrop 5y ago

I don't think it's that simple anymore. A person isn't necessarily inherently of the type to be committal or non-committal. Broadly speaking the choices can offer different rewards, but usually it's case-by-case, depending on the circumstances surrounding each prospective relationship. An easy example in your early-mid 20s is the prospect of moving for work and education, and forgoing long-distance, but we can set this one aside because it's a heavy extraneous circumstance. The early relationships I had carried a more laissez-faire "let's wait and see" attitude, at least on my part. Most people will not end up marrying their high-school sweetheart, but it's good to date around to discover ourselves and others. What I didn't count on was that a) emotional bonds will happen almost every time, and break ups will hit hard, and b) wait-and-see doesn't work very well for the long-run. People don't change that much. If you're committing in the hopes that you will feel more strongly about someone later, don't. And be honest about the way you feel as soon as you know it. Respect your time and others'. I carried that non-committal approach into my 20s because I was an emotional fuck-up with lots of anxiety and plagued with insomnia. I couldn't be alone. It wasn't until later that I pulled the plug on a relationship and decided I wouldn't jump on another until I felt more certain about them. Now I'm married. I think we take for granted how difficult being alone can be for some people owing to x y struggles, which is unfair to their partners. Relationships take work, both parties need to invest in each other. There will be times when things feel more stagnant and familiar, and times of great intimacy, etc. A common apprehension about commitment you hear is "won't I still be attracted to other people?". Yes, you will. It won't matter. "How do I know I'm not settling?". What? It's either a happy relationship or it isn't. Trying to min/max superficial attributes is a fool's errand. Tend to your garden. Rewards are way greater in a loving relationship.

asdfasgasdgasdg 5y ago
Necessarily, any two paragraph comment on relationships is going to be a simplification. :) But I still contend that the simplification is basically true: some people, during their youth, believe that they never want commitment. For many of those people, their preferences shift, but for some, they don't. Not all the people who prefer non-commitment are "emotional fuckups," but I'll allow that some are.