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Why is equality determined by educational attainment? Seems to be the measure of “equality” for purposes of a romantic marriage should be personality and compat

by nkrisc 5y ago

Why is equality determined by educational attainment? Seems to be the measure of “equality” for purposes of a romantic marriage should be personality and compatibility and not wealth or degrees earned. An equal relationship is going to vary depending on who you ask, and as long as both partners agree, then you’re set.

watwut 5y ago
I think that the comment was talking about raw amount of hours full time job + school takes. Which means there is very little remaining time for household chores (including kids and pets) meaning partner has to do almost all of them. It was not about educational attainment, but about assumed silent expectation that partner does all the housework.
- balfirevic 5y ago
  If only one partner is working full time, how is it not equal (and expected) that the other does the housework?
  - watwut 5y ago
    You are changing premise. Just like the person I am responding to changed premise from "partner does all boring stuff" into "education level". The original comment and rwsponse were neither about stay at home wife nor about educational differences.
- sokoloff 5y ago
  Let’s imagine there are 6 hours of housework to do daily. Only one partner is working on an income-generating job. Do they then come home and do “their fair share” of 3 hours of housework as well? The benefits of the income are shared with the entire household and represent their contribution. It seems reasonable for the other partner to shoulder most of the housework (the benefits of which are also shared with the entire household). The opposite is what would seem unreasonable to me. For clarity, I’m not saying the employed partner never has to wash a dish or put their dirty socks in the basket.
  - watwut 5y ago
    And this is why I would not marry someone with significantly higher income. Because that would mean, I do all housework and my job don't matter. Unless explicitly arranged and agreed upon by both in advance, it is unfair to assume the partner should be doing it all and that you should be doing only stuff you enjoy.
    - sokoloff 5y ago
      > should be doing only stuff you enjoy The vast majority of people don’t genuinely enjoy their 40 hours plus 6 hours of commuting to their income-generating job. We do it because we like food with our meals.
      - watwut 5y ago
        Sure. And wast majority of people don't enjoy vacuum cleaning and other routine household chores. Most people, when they actually end up being at home whole day, doing those same routines every day end up depressed and demotivated. People who loose their jobs, even if partner earns enough for them to not be in major stress, are unhappy after a week or too. They don't tend to be happy in the long term. Many jobs and bosses sux. And people in them generally want better job rather then no job. They feel bad when being unemplyed long term. Most employed people don't enjoy coming home to household work. No one, actually. That is why those are such frequent strain of relationship - cause people rarely like then.
        sokoloff 5y ago
        That’s exactly the reason why I think that two adults facing around a total of 14 hours per day of mostly suckage have a more fair arrangement when that’s split around 8.5 hours for person 1 and 5.5 hours for person 2 rather than 11 hours for person 1 and 3 hours for person 2.
        watwut 5y ago
        I really don't know what hypothetical are you building there. The original posts in thread did not assumend unemployed stay at home partner. But I think that you really need new job. Cause mine is not 8.5 hours of suckage. People on this forums are not struggling miners in bad economy having no choice but to put up with abusive boss. (And I know miner who claimed he loved his job, but that is one guy). Anyway, if it is about insisting one has to stay at home, I don't want to be the one stay at home. Because I would not like it. And I would also feel economically in trap - dependent and helpless in case of issues.
- MentatOnMelange 5y ago
  I think in that scenario, the real issue is if one of the partners views educational attainment as more important, or worthy of respect, than maintaining the household. There are people who find taking on those responsibilities more fulfilling than work or education. If both people are putting in the same amount of work on different things, its a division of labor. Having equal respect for one another's contributions is the crucial facor.

by nkrisc 5y ago

watwut 5y ago

I think that the comment was talking about raw amount of hours full time job + school takes. Which means there is very little remaining time for household chores (including kids and pets) meaning partner has to do almost all of them. It was not about educational attainment, but about assumed silent expectation that partner does all the housework.

balfirevic 5y ago
If only one partner is working full time, how is it not equal (and expected) that the other does the housework?
- watwut 5y ago
  You are changing premise. Just like the person I am responding to changed premise from "partner does all boring stuff" into "education level". The original comment and rwsponse were neither about stay at home wife nor about educational differences.
sokoloff 5y ago
Let’s imagine there are 6 hours of housework to do daily. Only one partner is working on an income-generating job. Do they then come home and do “their fair share” of 3 hours of housework as well? The benefits of the income are shared with the entire household and represent their contribution. It seems reasonable for the other partner to shoulder most of the housework (the benefits of which are also shared with the entire household). The opposite is what would seem unreasonable to me. For clarity, I’m not saying the employed partner never has to wash a dish or put their dirty socks in the basket.
- watwut 5y ago
  And this is why I would not marry someone with significantly higher income. Because that would mean, I do all housework and my job don't matter. Unless explicitly arranged and agreed upon by both in advance, it is unfair to assume the partner should be doing it all and that you should be doing only stuff you enjoy.
  - sokoloff 5y ago
    > should be doing only stuff you enjoy The vast majority of people don’t genuinely enjoy their 40 hours plus 6 hours of commuting to their income-generating job. We do it because we like food with our meals.
    - watwut 5y ago
      Sure. And wast majority of people don't enjoy vacuum cleaning and other routine household chores. Most people, when they actually end up being at home whole day, doing those same routines every day end up depressed and demotivated. People who loose their jobs, even if partner earns enough for them to not be in major stress, are unhappy after a week or too. They don't tend to be happy in the long term. Many jobs and bosses sux. And people in them generally want better job rather then no job. They feel bad when being unemplyed long term. Most employed people don't enjoy coming home to household work. No one, actually. That is why those are such frequent strain of relationship - cause people rarely like then.
      - sokoloff 5y ago
        That’s exactly the reason why I think that two adults facing around a total of 14 hours per day of mostly suckage have a more fair arrangement when that’s split around 8.5 hours for person 1 and 5.5 hours for person 2 rather than 11 hours for person 1 and 3 hours for person 2.
        watwut 5y ago
        I really don't know what hypothetical are you building there. The original posts in thread did not assumend unemployed stay at home partner. But I think that you really need new job. Cause mine is not 8.5 hours of suckage. People on this forums are not struggling miners in bad economy having no choice but to put up with abusive boss. (And I know miner who claimed he loved his job, but that is one guy). Anyway, if it is about insisting one has to stay at home, I don't want to be the one stay at home. Because I would not like it. And I would also feel economically in trap - dependent and helpless in case of issues.
MentatOnMelange 5y ago
I think in that scenario, the real issue is if one of the partners views educational attainment as more important, or worthy of respect, than maintaining the household. There are people who find taking on those responsibilities more fulfilling than work or education. If both people are putting in the same amount of work on different things, its a division of labor. Having equal respect for one another's contributions is the crucial facor.