5 ms·

Tastes are not a fixed thing, and it's not certain they are even real. In many (most?) cases what we call "tastes" -- and especially distastes -- are a way for

by bambax 5y ago

Tastes are not a fixed thing, and it's not certain they are even real. In many (most?) cases what we call "tastes" -- and especially distastes -- are a way for us to broadcast our identities to the world. In an intimate, functioning relationship those broadcasts shouldn't be necessary because we know they are, if not fake, at least a proxy for what we want others to think who we really are. Intimacy is about shedding masks. In a couple one should be able to appreciate, if not outright enjoy, what the other likes. (Not to say there aren't limits; but it would be a symptom of an abusive relationship if one would insist they always watch what the other truly hates.)

watwut 5y ago
This is just not true. Some people, many of them in fact, do have emotional reactions to movies and art in general. And that emotional reaction is either pleasant or not. People get bored watching movies and it is not a mask nor identity - it is feeling. Some people genuinely feel bad watching horrrors and it is not identity, it is genuinely feeling bad. I hate cringe in comic super heroes movie and thus dislike them. It is not a mask I wear it is genuinely unpleasant and if alone I would never ever watch that. The movies creators put a lot of work unto making you experience feelings while watching their movies in fact.
- TheOtherHobbes 5y ago
  Yes - quite. I don't like gore and I think superhero movies are dumb. So if someone lived for both, there would be a problem. But it's not just about "taste", it's about values. I strongly suspect I won't have many shared values with someone who loves gore. And conflicting values are more likely to break a relationship than incompatible movie tastes.
  - i_cannot_hack 5y ago
    Of course "taste" does not exist if you define "superhero movies are dumb" as a value judgement that has nothing to do about taste. Simple calling it something else does not make it disappear, though. One person likes superhero movies, the other does not. Is seems that by your worldview it will be an insurmountable barrier to forming a healthy relationship unless someone changes their mind, which seems to be a rather bleak attitude to me. Are you sure we couldn't find countless couples with different movie tastes (or movie values) who, despite this obstacle, are in happy and loving relationships?
TheOtherHobbes 5y ago
I'm pretty sure my cultural tastes are not just real, but almost innate. When I was in that discovery phase in late childhood through teens I really connected with some things and really didn't like others. I wasn't told to do this by anyone - certainly not by parents or teachers or peers. Some years later I'm more appreciative of why other people might like different things now, and I've also picked up on nuances and contexts I used to miss. But the things I like have barely changed. I don't spend much time "broadcasting them to the world" because why would the world even care what music I listen to? There's enough overlap with my partner that we can have conversations about certain things we have in common, but there are things and activities that work for her that I'm utterly disinterested in, and vice versa. We don't expect to share those, and that works for us.
- bambax 5y ago
  > I don't like gore and I think superhero movies are dumb (in your other comment in that same thread) > I don't spend much time "broadcasting them to the world" Yes, you do. We all do. We build a personality and then we want the world to pay attention to it.
- redisman 5y ago
  I just don’t see that as a problem. I’m not looking to date a clone of myself. That would be boring and unhealthy as I’d re-re-inforce my worst habits without any counterbalance

by bambax 5y ago

watwut 5y ago

This is just not true. Some people, many of them in fact, do have emotional reactions to movies and art in general. And that emotional reaction is either pleasant or not. People get bored watching movies and it is not a mask nor identity - it is feeling. Some people genuinely feel bad watching horrrors and it is not identity, it is genuinely feeling bad. I hate cringe in comic super heroes movie and thus dislike them. It is not a mask I wear it is genuinely unpleasant and if alone I would never ever watch that. The movies creators put a lot of work unto making you experience feelings while watching their movies in fact.

TheOtherHobbes 5y ago
Yes - quite. I don't like gore and I think superhero movies are dumb. So if someone lived for both, there would be a problem. But it's not just about "taste", it's about values. I strongly suspect I won't have many shared values with someone who loves gore. And conflicting values are more likely to break a relationship than incompatible movie tastes.
- i_cannot_hack 5y ago
  Of course "taste" does not exist if you define "superhero movies are dumb" as a value judgement that has nothing to do about taste. Simple calling it something else does not make it disappear, though. One person likes superhero movies, the other does not. Is seems that by your worldview it will be an insurmountable barrier to forming a healthy relationship unless someone changes their mind, which seems to be a rather bleak attitude to me. Are you sure we couldn't find countless couples with different movie tastes (or movie values) who, despite this obstacle, are in happy and loving relationships?

TheOtherHobbes 5y ago

I'm pretty sure my cultural tastes are not just real, but almost innate. When I was in that discovery phase in late childhood through teens I really connected with some things and really didn't like others. I wasn't told to do this by anyone - certainly not by parents or teachers or peers. Some years later I'm more appreciative of why other people might like different things now, and I've also picked up on nuances and contexts I used to miss. But the things I like have barely changed. I don't spend much time "broadcasting them to the world" because why would the world even care what music I listen to? There's enough overlap with my partner that we can have conversations about certain things we have in common, but there are things and activities that work for her that I'm utterly disinterested in, and vice versa. We don't expect to share those, and that works for us.

bambax 5y ago
> I don't like gore and I think superhero movies are dumb (in your other comment in that same thread) > I don't spend much time "broadcasting them to the world" Yes, you do. We all do. We build a personality and then we want the world to pay attention to it.
redisman 5y ago
I just don’t see that as a problem. I’m not looking to date a clone of myself. That would be boring and unhealthy as I’d re-re-inforce my worst habits without any counterbalance