I don't disagree, because there is a lot of wisdom in what you say. But... 1. If kids see the example of a marital power dynamic of taking and giving, it's not

I don't disagree, because there is a lot of wisdom in what you say. But... 1. If kids see the example of a marital power dynamic of taking and giving, it's not that they will necessarily learn to be selfless givers! 2. I like the F Scott Peck definition of love, which is to extend ones self to support the spiritual growth of another. And, often the growth that a taker needs is to learn to be giving. Often, takers take because they view themselves as a victim. For a giver, it can be really difficult to go outside of one's normal giving mode without being sucked into a mode of anger or resentment. 3."Being married" is not an ultimate value—it can hurt all the people involved. Complicated! Sometimes I feel I could be a much better, more giving person in a healthier relationship because I could be helping many more people. If i take your example of the candle—it may be great to sacrifice yourself to create light, but is it worth the sacrifice if you aren't producing light?