Are you me? ;) Just kidding, I am not a VP and it sounds like your starting position was worse (so you've accomplished a lot more). But the rest of it reads l

Are you me? ;) Just kidding, I am not a VP and it sounds like your starting position was worse (so you've accomplished a lot more). But the rest of it reads like something I could have written. My suggestion: therapy. It will take more than a year because what you'll be doing is slowly undoing some habits and ways of thinking that you have built up over a lifetime. Because they are so established they will take a while to change. What absolutely not to do: anything that starts with "kicking my own ass". My guess is you already do a lot of it. Is it working? Thought so. What you want to do is replace shame with picking some core values for yourself and sticking to them. Why not shame? Because when you are kicking your own ass in your mind, you actually split off the motivational part of yourself and make it your enemy. No wonder there is resistance! You are probably a very nice person. There is no reason your inner voice can't be nice and motivating at the same time. Think mentor, not drill sergeant. Finally, it helps to talk to real people about this instead of reading books. This can be a therapist or a buddy. Why people and not books? Books won't call you on your BS :) In a nice understanding manner of course. P.S. This is all "do as I say, not as I do". I struggle with this sort of thing also. If you are anything like me, you know all the right stuff to do, fail to follow through, and then beat yourself up about it. I have also wished for an accountability coach from time to time, but they are expensive. I wonder if something similar can be accomplished in a peer to peer fashion. Email in profile if you want to try.