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> Or at least, I did. For years. And then one day I woke up and realized I should've had kids about 8 years ago. It's a lot harder at 33. It means that by the t

> Or at least, I did. For years. And then one day I woke up and realized I should've had kids about 8 years ago. It's a lot harder at 33. It means that by the time they're 18, you'll be so old they can barely relate to you. I try not to think about it too much or I'll get a bit sad. It's a lot harder after 40, but 33? That's still a pretty prime age. The vast majority of people who I know with kids started in their early 30s. > The real motive was that IVF costs $40k in America. $40k! Forty fucking thousand dollars to have a baby. While your hourly rate as a contractor is decent, it's worth nothing that quite a few companies (including YC startups/unicorns) provide IVF with health coverage benefits. I have had many years where my stock-based compensation and medical costs covered by insurance combined exceeded $100k/yr. I only mention this because the path you highlighted may mean success to you, but the alternate path may be a greater success for others.

sillysaurusx 5y ago
Thank you so much :) I really appreciate the advice! Ironically, my wife recently accepted a job at Doppler, a YC startup with exactly that benefit. I love that woman so much; she’s awesome. You’re absolutely right that benefits are a huge consideration for almost everybody. I guess I happened to win the lottery, as my wife’s health insurance covers both of us, so I’m starting to question whether it was even worth sharing. She carried me for about 5 years while I recovered and found my footing again, so I’m just happy to repay her with a nice vacation. She’s been dreaming of going to the Seychelles for about that long. I dunno. It’s also counting chickens, as they say. If it works out, I’ll just try to pay it forward however I can. If not, we’ll still be happy. Was just hoping to convince some outliers that there’s a different road ahead; one I never gave much thought to. You’re also correct that I’ll be pushing 40 soon enough. She and I joke that we’ll both find a role for ourselves at a big bank somewhere when we’re 70, so that we have impressive titles but no one is quite sure what we do. That way I can work on lisp while occasionally writing legacy banking software, and she’ll be tinkering with React (which by then may as well be in a museum).
silicon2401 5y ago
> The vast majority of people who I know with kids started in their early 30s. Your experience isn't typical, at least for women > The average age of first-time mothers in America is now up from 21 to 26, while for fathers, it’s increased from 27 to 31. This isn’t just within America; women in other developed countries are waiting too with the average first birth happening for new mothers at age 31. [1] Also curious, where are you getting your info that 33 is a "prime" age for having children? > A woman’s peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline becomes more rapid once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely for most women. > Down syndrome (trisomy 21) is the most common chromosome problem that occurs with later childbearing. The risk of having a pregnancy affected by Down syndrome is > 1 in 1,480 at age 20 > 1 in 940 at age 30 > 1 in 353 at age 35 > 1 in 85 at age 40 > 1 in 35 at age 45 [2] If people want to have children late in life then they should go for it, but it's a disservice to readers to pretend that 30-35 is the same as teens-twenties. Not everybody has access to education on reproductive health and discussions like these are an important way for some people to learn. ~~~~ 1: https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2020/05/01/new-study-millennial-women-are-delaying-having-children-due-to-their-careers/?sh=75e2a071276a https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2020/05/01/new-stud... 2: https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-age-35-how-aging-affects-fertility-and-pregnancy?utm_source=redirect&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=otn https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-...
- sillysaurusx 5y ago
  Holy moly at those stats. I’m not sure whether to thank you or to slap you, ha. Better to go into it with both eyes open though. Another option someone floated was to use Adopt International. It was somehow the only non-horror story I’ve ever heard about adoption. Everything else is “I’d do it again, but it wouldn’t be pleasant” type stories. So maybe we’ll import a baby from some shady back alley in China or something, who knows. It’s so unfair that when you finally get your life in order, it’s already bordering on too late. Gah. Ce’st la vie, or however it’s spelled. Anyway, thanks!
  - 5y ago

sillysaurusx 5y ago

Thank you so much :) I really appreciate the advice! Ironically, my wife recently accepted a job at Doppler, a YC startup with exactly that benefit. I love that woman so much; she’s awesome. You’re absolutely right that benefits are a huge consideration for almost everybody. I guess I happened to win the lottery, as my wife’s health insurance covers both of us, so I’m starting to question whether it was even worth sharing. She carried me for about 5 years while I recovered and found my footing again, so I’m just happy to repay her with a nice vacation. She’s been dreaming of going to the Seychelles for about that long. I dunno. It’s also counting chickens, as they say. If it works out, I’ll just try to pay it forward however I can. If not, we’ll still be happy. Was just hoping to convince some outliers that there’s a different road ahead; one I never gave much thought to. You’re also correct that I’ll be pushing 40 soon enough. She and I joke that we’ll both find a role for ourselves at a big bank somewhere when we’re 70, so that we have impressive titles but no one is quite sure what we do. That way I can work on lisp while occasionally writing legacy banking software, and she’ll be tinkering with React (which by then may as well be in a museum).

silicon2401 5y ago

> The vast majority of people who I know with kids started in their early 30s. Your experience isn't typical, at least for women > The average age of first-time mothers in America is now up from 21 to 26, while for fathers, it’s increased from 27 to 31. This isn’t just within America; women in other developed countries are waiting too with the average first birth happening for new mothers at age 31. [1] Also curious, where are you getting your info that 33 is a "prime" age for having children? > A woman’s peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline becomes more rapid once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely for most women. > Down syndrome (trisomy 21) is the most common chromosome problem that occurs with later childbearing. The risk of having a pregnancy affected by Down syndrome is > 1 in 1,480 at age 20 > 1 in 940 at age 30 > 1 in 353 at age 35 > 1 in 85 at age 40 > 1 in 35 at age 45 [2] If people want to have children late in life then they should go for it, but it's a disservice to readers to pretend that 30-35 is the same as teens-twenties. Not everybody has access to education on reproductive health and discussions like these are an important way for some people to learn. ~~~~ 1: https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2020/05/01/new-study-millennial-women-are-delaying-having-children-due-to-their-careers/?sh=75e2a071276a https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2020/05/01/new-stud... 2: https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-age-35-how-aging-affects-fertility-and-pregnancy?utm_source=redirect&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=otn https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-...

sillysaurusx 5y ago
Holy moly at those stats. I’m not sure whether to thank you or to slap you, ha. Better to go into it with both eyes open though. Another option someone floated was to use Adopt International. It was somehow the only non-horror story I’ve ever heard about adoption. Everything else is “I’d do it again, but it wouldn’t be pleasant” type stories. So maybe we’ll import a baby from some shady back alley in China or something, who knows. It’s so unfair that when you finally get your life in order, it’s already bordering on too late. Gah. Ce’st la vie, or however it’s spelled. Anyway, thanks!
- 5y ago