4 ms·

Lost perspective? Try this linguistic trick to reset your view

24 points by ColinWright 5y ago

verdverm 5y ago
tl;dr > This process of reflecting on one’s self using parts of speech that are typically used to refer to other people – ie, second- or third-person pronouns, or even one’s own name – is distanced self-talk. A mounting body of research by psychologists suggests that engaging in distanced self-talk can help us to regulate our negative thoughts and emotions in a range of situations
jaytaylor 5y ago
Tldr; Distanced self-talk: In your inner dialogue, ask / say to yourself "I wonder what you're going to do about this?" ..instead of "what am I going to do?" It's a good CBT trick which helps shift from a victim narrative to an empowered mindset.
powersnail 5y ago
So if you talk to yourself as if you are a different person, it can help you manage negativity and make you more impartial when reasoning. I wonder if it has the same effect on emotions other than "pain and anxiety". For instance, will it calm positive excitement? Will it quench euphoric moments? The article suggests that a person can cope better by distanced self-talk. If a person falls into such a habit, however, will it also affect their ability to feel happy, thrilled, motivated? Will it make the person generally indifferent?
- nickff 5y ago
  Anecdotally, the answer to your question is yes. In my personal experience, distanced self-talk does seem to reduce emotional swings in every direction. It is not a Boolean thing though, so the 'distance' can be varied/adjusted.
nefitty 5y ago
I've noticed this behavior in high-performing people in the past. I've tried implementing it, but it is so foreign that it's easy to forget to do. The third-person self talk is called illeism. My idea was that illeism combined with speaking out loud would increase the effectiveness of this sort of self-control speech. https://bleacherreport.com/articles/1075379-5-reasons-shaq-and-other-athletes-refer-to-themselves-in-the-third-person https://bleacherreport.com/articles/1075379-5-reasons-shaq-a... https://bulletproofmusician.com/why-talking-to-yourself-could-help-you-become-a-more-effective-practicer-problem-solver/ https://bulletproofmusician.com/why-talking-to-yourself-coul... https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201707/silent-third-person-self-talk-facilitates-emotion-regulation https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201... https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201705/self-talk-using-third-person-pronouns-hacks-your-vagus-nerve https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201...
shsbdncudx 5y ago
It’s a common theme taken from a different source. Very good though. It’s detachment. It helps you both therapeutically and strategically.
AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
I talk to myself in the second person all the time, but it's usually to express how much I loathe that fat useless asshole. So as you can imagine it is not particularly helpful.
- ksaj 5y ago
  I just watched a video a couple days ago that questioned why we have an internal voice, and why it is (outside of schizophrenia etc) always directly related to how we perceive our own physical voice. ie: it never has a different accent, pitch, etc. unless intentionally thinking of someone else. The presenter mentioned that our self-talk is nearly always critical, occasionally congratulatory, and that depression and related conditions make it more invasive. They trace at least some of it back to childhood, when you are being trained and receiving corrections by the adults around you. We talk to ourselves that same way, which is why it tends to be so critical. There's more to it than that, but I'm just relating the part about your critical self-thoughts.
  - AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
    Sounds legit, I know when being self critical that I sound like my father, who was like that to me when I was younger. On the other hand, being hard on one's self makes sense to me, since no one is more invested in me than me.
  - coolgeek 5y ago
    > The presenter mentioned that our self-talk is nearly always critical I don't doubt that this is the case for (at least) some people. But my internal monologue is only occasionally critical (and only occasionally congratulatory). My internal monologue is instead almost always neutral - task-focused, observational, problem-solving... (And fwiw, my childhood wasn't anywhere close to ideal, though it was far from terrible. Average isn't the right word. But I don't know what is the right word.) Even if you restrict the subset of thinking just to self-evaluation, my focus is: - 20% on where I am - 70% on how to get where I want to be - 10% on how I got where I am (e.g. self-criticism) Again, I understand that I'm an anecdote in a sea of data. But the "nearly always critical" has my hackles up
CSSer 5y ago
Heh, I've never thought of it like this but it's basically Rubber ducking debugging[0] for your brain. [0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging

24 points by ColinWright 5y ago

tl;dr > This process of reflecting on one’s self using parts of speech that are typically used to refer to other people – ie, second- or third-person pronouns, or even one’s own name – is distanced self-talk. A mounting body of research by psychologists suggests that engaging in distanced self-talk can help us to regulate our negative thoughts and emotions in a range of situations

jaytaylor 5y ago

Tldr; Distanced self-talk: In your inner dialogue, ask / say to yourself "I wonder what you're going to do about this?" ..instead of "what am I going to do?" It's a good CBT trick which helps shift from a victim narrative to an empowered mindset.

powersnail 5y ago

So if you talk to yourself as if you are a different person, it can help you manage negativity and make you more impartial when reasoning. I wonder if it has the same effect on emotions other than "pain and anxiety". For instance, will it calm positive excitement? Will it quench euphoric moments? The article suggests that a person can cope better by distanced self-talk. If a person falls into such a habit, however, will it also affect their ability to feel happy, thrilled, motivated? Will it make the person generally indifferent?

nickff 5y ago
Anecdotally, the answer to your question is yes. In my personal experience, distanced self-talk does seem to reduce emotional swings in every direction. It is not a Boolean thing though, so the 'distance' can be varied/adjusted.

nefitty 5y ago

I've noticed this behavior in high-performing people in the past. I've tried implementing it, but it is so foreign that it's easy to forget to do. The third-person self talk is called illeism. My idea was that illeism combined with speaking out loud would increase the effectiveness of this sort of self-control speech. https://bleacherreport.com/articles/1075379-5-reasons-shaq-and-other-athletes-refer-to-themselves-in-the-third-person https://bleacherreport.com/articles/1075379-5-reasons-shaq-a... https://bulletproofmusician.com/why-talking-to-yourself-could-help-you-become-a-more-effective-practicer-problem-solver/ https://bulletproofmusician.com/why-talking-to-yourself-coul... https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201707/silent-third-person-self-talk-facilitates-emotion-regulation https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201... https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201705/self-talk-using-third-person-pronouns-hacks-your-vagus-nerve https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201...

shsbdncudx 5y ago

It’s a common theme taken from a different source. Very good though. It’s detachment. It helps you both therapeutically and strategically.

AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago

I talk to myself in the second person all the time, but it's usually to express how much I loathe that fat useless asshole. So as you can imagine it is not particularly helpful.

ksaj 5y ago
I just watched a video a couple days ago that questioned why we have an internal voice, and why it is (outside of schizophrenia etc) always directly related to how we perceive our own physical voice. ie: it never has a different accent, pitch, etc. unless intentionally thinking of someone else. The presenter mentioned that our self-talk is nearly always critical, occasionally congratulatory, and that depression and related conditions make it more invasive. They trace at least some of it back to childhood, when you are being trained and receiving corrections by the adults around you. We talk to ourselves that same way, which is why it tends to be so critical. There's more to it than that, but I'm just relating the part about your critical self-thoughts.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
  Sounds legit, I know when being self critical that I sound like my father, who was like that to me when I was younger. On the other hand, being hard on one's self makes sense to me, since no one is more invested in me than me.
- coolgeek 5y ago
  > The presenter mentioned that our self-talk is nearly always critical I don't doubt that this is the case for (at least) some people. But my internal monologue is only occasionally critical (and only occasionally congratulatory). My internal monologue is instead almost always neutral - task-focused, observational, problem-solving... (And fwiw, my childhood wasn't anywhere close to ideal, though it was far from terrible. Average isn't the right word. But I don't know what is the right word.) Even if you restrict the subset of thinking just to self-evaluation, my focus is: - 20% on where I am - 70% on how to get where I want to be - 10% on how I got where I am (e.g. self-criticism) Again, I understand that I'm an anecdote in a sea of data. But the "nearly always critical" has my hackles up

CSSer 5y ago

Heh, I've never thought of it like this but it's basically Rubber ducking debugging[0] for your brain. [0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging