6 ms·

I didn't find it amazing it all. From the comment about cheating ("that would have been a lot more fun ugh") to the comment about how he became a "super helpfu

I didn't find it amazing it all. From the comment about cheating ("that would have been a lot more fun ugh") to the comment about how he became a "super helpful husband with the divorce" once he realized he would be a millionaire, the post gives the impression that the OP was all about himself and never truly cared about the experience and feelings of the woman he was married to. On the plus side, at least the OP realized that he didn't want to be married and didn't make the same mistake twice.

zw123456 5y ago
Yup, completely confess to all. I am selfish and self absorbed. Maybe a bit of a narcissist, working on it but self aware. And yes, you are completely correct, I realized marriage was not a good thing for me (or for the other person, hehe, that's how bad I am, had to come back and edit to add this as a second thought). You are who you are.
- effingwewt 5y ago
  A selfish person would have actually cheated, you aren't in denial of anything, and I'm sure many people would prefer that to a cheating liar. I'd say the person you responded to read your story through the lens of their own personal history, but then I guess I'm guilty of the same.
  - LurkingPenguin 5y ago
    Being selfish means that you are concerned excessively or exclusively with yourself. In a relationship, you can't say "I didn't cheat and therefore I am not selfish." There are many behaviors that most people would reasonably consider "selfish" that don't involve infidelity. Not sure what my personal history has to do with this obvious fact.
    - dang 5y ago
      Please don't take HN threads further into flamewar or further into personal attack. Maybe you don't feel you owe the other person better, but it's not the kind of community we want here. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
- lexapro 5y ago
  You say this as if you can't choose who you are. Sounds like an excuse to continue with your selfish behavior.
  - dang 5y ago
    Please don't take HN threads further into flamewar or further into personal attack. Maybe you don't feel you owe the other person better, but it's not the kind of community we want here. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
oh_sigh 5y ago
How much are you supposed to care about someone you married who wants to divorce you?
- LurkingPenguin 5y ago
  Just because a marriage (or relationship of any type) is ending doesn't mean that you have to stop caring about the other person and wanting the best for them. It also doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to treat them unfairly or poorly. It's not hard to imagine an alternate scenario in which a different person would have at least made an effort to talk to his wife and understand why the marriage got to that point instead of making a V-line for the beach when she told him she wanted a divorce. Again, the impression I got from comments made in the post was that the OP was self-centered and didn't care that much about his wife's feelings, which one might reasonably assume contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. The OP responded and, to his credit, confirmed "I am selfish and self absorbed".
  - akomtu 5y ago
    "Love your enemy" is the territory of sainthood, but saints don't marry. "Don't judge if you don't want to be judged" is what applies to mere mortals.
  - pjerem 5y ago
    > a different person would have at least made an effort to talk to his wife and understand why the marriage got to that point What do you know about him ? Maybe he already knew why the marriage got to that point. What's the point of continuing when the two agrees that the marriage leads to nowhere and that they are both unhappy ? To be fair, as I read it, this sounds like a pretty sane divorce. And sane divorces are far from being the norm.
  - odshoifsdhfs 5y ago
    There are details missing from the story, and maybe the wife had raised the problems/divorce before and he ignored it. We don't know. But if you get home and the papers are on the table as he mentioned, that is past the point of talking with your spouse about your relationship, it is the time to get out, think straight and then head to a lawyer to make sure all is done right. (coming from someone that has been divorced for 5 years and am in good terms with my ex-wife, we help each other all the time and talk about things/life regularly as friends)
bserge 5y ago
Oh, no, a normal human!
bityard 5y ago
Aside from the fact that you're judging someone you don't even know from across the internet... it was a highly abridged story and you are nit-picking the parts he explicitly said he left out for the sake of brevity.

zw123456 5y ago

Yup, completely confess to all. I am selfish and self absorbed. Maybe a bit of a narcissist, working on it but self aware. And yes, you are completely correct, I realized marriage was not a good thing for me (or for the other person, hehe, that's how bad I am, had to come back and edit to add this as a second thought). You are who you are.

effingwewt 5y ago
A selfish person would have actually cheated, you aren't in denial of anything, and I'm sure many people would prefer that to a cheating liar. I'd say the person you responded to read your story through the lens of their own personal history, but then I guess I'm guilty of the same.
- LurkingPenguin 5y ago
  Being selfish means that you are concerned excessively or exclusively with yourself. In a relationship, you can't say "I didn't cheat and therefore I am not selfish." There are many behaviors that most people would reasonably consider "selfish" that don't involve infidelity. Not sure what my personal history has to do with this obvious fact.
  - dang 5y ago
    Please don't take HN threads further into flamewar or further into personal attack. Maybe you don't feel you owe the other person better, but it's not the kind of community we want here. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
lexapro 5y ago
You say this as if you can't choose who you are. Sounds like an excuse to continue with your selfish behavior.
- dang 5y ago
  Please don't take HN threads further into flamewar or further into personal attack. Maybe you don't feel you owe the other person better, but it's not the kind of community we want here. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

oh_sigh 5y ago

How much are you supposed to care about someone you married who wants to divorce you?

LurkingPenguin 5y ago
Just because a marriage (or relationship of any type) is ending doesn't mean that you have to stop caring about the other person and wanting the best for them. It also doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to treat them unfairly or poorly. It's not hard to imagine an alternate scenario in which a different person would have at least made an effort to talk to his wife and understand why the marriage got to that point instead of making a V-line for the beach when she told him she wanted a divorce. Again, the impression I got from comments made in the post was that the OP was self-centered and didn't care that much about his wife's feelings, which one might reasonably assume contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. The OP responded and, to his credit, confirmed "I am selfish and self absorbed".
- akomtu 5y ago
  "Love your enemy" is the territory of sainthood, but saints don't marry. "Don't judge if you don't want to be judged" is what applies to mere mortals.
- pjerem 5y ago
  > a different person would have at least made an effort to talk to his wife and understand why the marriage got to that point What do you know about him ? Maybe he already knew why the marriage got to that point. What's the point of continuing when the two agrees that the marriage leads to nowhere and that they are both unhappy ? To be fair, as I read it, this sounds like a pretty sane divorce. And sane divorces are far from being the norm.
- odshoifsdhfs 5y ago
  There are details missing from the story, and maybe the wife had raised the problems/divorce before and he ignored it. We don't know. But if you get home and the papers are on the table as he mentioned, that is past the point of talking with your spouse about your relationship, it is the time to get out, think straight and then head to a lawyer to make sure all is done right. (coming from someone that has been divorced for 5 years and am in good terms with my ex-wife, we help each other all the time and talk about things/life regularly as friends)

bserge 5y ago

Oh, no, a normal human!

bityard 5y ago

Aside from the fact that you're judging someone you don't even know from across the internet... it was a highly abridged story and you are nit-picking the parts he explicitly said he left out for the sake of brevity.