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As a 45yo straight male, I’ve found women are eager to set up a meeting within the first five or so messages, sometimes even hinting at it by the 2nd message…

As a 45yo straight male, I’ve found women are eager to set up a meeting within the first five or so messages, sometimes even hinting at it by the 2nd message… all I have to say is something like “it says we’re 15 miles apart, what part of town are you in?” and they’ll suggest meeting somewhere in the middle. Of course I’m dealing with an older than primary demographic (30-50), which might have something to do with it, but I think you’ve hit on a scarcity issue caused by the temporal nature of interactions on the apps themselves. The longer you spend online, the higher the chance that someone else will come along and be more efficient in setting something up with the one you’re talking to. I’ve only been on the swipey apps for a month now, but I’ve found myself regularly unmatching anyone where I feel like it will be too much work because of this phenomena. It’s like an incurred opportunity cost of dealing with people who are too hesitant.

octorian 5y ago
> I’ve found women are eager to set up a meeting within the first five or so messages, sometimes even hinting at it by the 2nd message That's probably because they've had enough experience to become aware of "the great lie" with all of these approaches to dating, and are tired of wasting time with it. That is, the fantasy that the online conversation actually has any real meaning whatsoever. No matter how much time you spend chatting or exchanging messages virtually, it is completely and utterly meaningless when held up against the first 5 minutes of that first in-person meet-up. So getting to that stage as quickly as possible tends to be the best for everyone.
- brandall10 5y ago
  While I agree with this in spirit, it isn’t the experience I had back in the early days of OLD before it became mainstream - I regularly got pushback for suggesting meeting up too early… there seemed to be a trust issue or maybe being too expedient meant looking for a hookup. It’s certainly a component for sure, esp as the marketplace is so hard for guys meaning they’re willing to go to greater lengths to stand out… but I feel this is more an issue of the process being so transactional and transitory.
  - stevekemp 5y ago
    Back in the old days meeting somebody from the internet was "scary" because it was so new, and unusual. These days I can think of many many friends who've had relationships start via online dating, and the stigma/weirdness has completely gone away.
    - lightspot21 5y ago
      >and the stigma/weirdness has completely gone away. Well, not completely - anecdata but plenty of places on this planet (in the West too) where online dating = you are too desperate and you have no other options = stigma (especially for straight men).
nly 5y ago
I met my partner (of 3 years) on Tinder, and I agree this is a thing. One thing she often says is I was within a hairs breath of being deleted, because we chatted on Tinder and then WhatsApp for a couple of weeks before our first date. For me it was natural, as I've always been comfortable chatting to people online (via IRC etc)

octorian 5y ago

> I’ve found women are eager to set up a meeting within the first five or so messages, sometimes even hinting at it by the 2nd message That's probably because they've had enough experience to become aware of "the great lie" with all of these approaches to dating, and are tired of wasting time with it. That is, the fantasy that the online conversation actually has any real meaning whatsoever. No matter how much time you spend chatting or exchanging messages virtually, it is completely and utterly meaningless when held up against the first 5 minutes of that first in-person meet-up. So getting to that stage as quickly as possible tends to be the best for everyone.

brandall10 5y ago
While I agree with this in spirit, it isn’t the experience I had back in the early days of OLD before it became mainstream - I regularly got pushback for suggesting meeting up too early… there seemed to be a trust issue or maybe being too expedient meant looking for a hookup. It’s certainly a component for sure, esp as the marketplace is so hard for guys meaning they’re willing to go to greater lengths to stand out… but I feel this is more an issue of the process being so transactional and transitory.
- stevekemp 5y ago
  Back in the old days meeting somebody from the internet was "scary" because it was so new, and unusual. These days I can think of many many friends who've had relationships start via online dating, and the stigma/weirdness has completely gone away.
  - lightspot21 5y ago
    >and the stigma/weirdness has completely gone away. Well, not completely - anecdata but plenty of places on this planet (in the West too) where online dating = you are too desperate and you have no other options = stigma (especially for straight men).

nly 5y ago

I met my partner (of 3 years) on Tinder, and I agree this is a thing. One thing she often says is I was within a hairs breath of being deleted, because we chatted on Tinder and then WhatsApp for a couple of weeks before our first date. For me it was natural, as I've always been comfortable chatting to people online (via IRC etc)