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It seems like you’re referring to pickup artistry, because who else would get drinks thrown at them? Yeah, that’s really great, I did that stuff all the time. W

It seems like you’re referring to pickup artistry, because who else would get drinks thrown at them? Yeah, that’s really great, I did that stuff all the time. When I was like 16. But as an adult, you have to respect yourself enough to not engage in stuff like that. Literally (not figuratively) every single normal person thinks pickup artists are cringe. To my fellow aspies, I’ve found the actual secret to social success (friendship and romance alike): just go with the flow. Don’t try to force stuff, and end up with drinks in your face. Don’t walk up to random people in Starbucks and act cringe; just meet people through hobbies. Join a chess club, spot someone on a heavy set, join a language club.. :)

GDC7 5y ago
> It seems like you’re referring to pickup artistry To be honest you have to treat men and women equally and approach both of them If you are heterosexual of course an interaction with a woman would gravitate towards a romantic interest, whereas with men it's more a friendship/alliance. But men will still reject your friendship/alliance proposal in way which is every bit as brutal as the drink spilled in your face. > Everybody thinks cringe Again there are 8B people on the planet. If you could approach everybody and your success rate is 0.000001% you'd have 8000 very close people. Even if the remaining think you are cringe you'd never have a chance to interact with them because the 8000 would basically engulf your whole day. Matter of fact you'd not have room for 8000, we can only have meaningful social relationships with 150-200 people . > Don’t try to force stuff Social life isn't different from any other aspect of life, you cannot wait for it to come in your lap. You gotta put in the work, and get the rewards. Face the pain and then enjoy the gain. I don't know why people think that the normal rules of life don't apply to social interactions. > you have to respect yourself What you identify as "respect yourself" I characterize as not wanting to put in the work and face discomfort and also stop hustling and stop selling. But in this case also not recognizing the reality of the numbers which I just put forward above.
- irl_chad 5y ago
  Almost everyone naturally falls into meaningful relationships without “making them happen.” For example, did your dad have to approach 200 women on the street to meet your mom, or did they naturally meet through a social event or a friend group? If you need to go to such extreme lengths just to form meaningful connections, consider looking inward. It’s probably a consequence of not having any hobbies where socialisation is normal.
  - GDC7 5y ago
    > For example, did your dad have to approach 200 women on the street to meet your mom, or did they naturally meet through a social event or a friend group? My dad didn't optimize during the selection of his social group of 150-200 people. He took what randomness threw at him. I want to do something different and aiming for the crème de la crème , meaning both male friends and allies as well as women friends and romantic partners for my group of 150-200 people.
    - irl_chad 5y ago
      > I want to do something different and aiming for the crème de la crème , meaning both male friends and allies as well as women friends and romantic partners for my group of 150-200 people. In my country, I’m a D-list celebrity (blue check on social media, followers in the 6 figures, but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been recognised in public). The “crème de la crème” of people (movie stars, pop singers, professional athletes, politicians..) DO NOT want to be approached like this on the street.
      - GDC7 5y ago
        > The “crème de la crème” of people (movie stars, pop singers, professional athletes, politicians..) DO NOT want to be approached like this on the street. The same street approach is valid online and in media. Take Howard Stern. Controversial to many, people called him all sorts of things. He made interviews that even back in the 90s and 00s were considered as something that didn't belong in radio. Look at where he is now. He has Tom Brady, Kevin Durant and Hillary Clinton in his circle of people. Because he didn't care about people considering him cringe or a "creep" or a "deviant". You only need to win a small % of the number of people that you interact with. Kim Kardashian is another example, many would have run for the hills in shame after the leaked sex tape but she used it to propel herself, regardless of people calling her a slut, she actually embraced the concept and owned her sluttyness. Now she's a billionaire and going to the White House regularly
- jazzyjackson 5y ago
  i’m totally in the dark about what you’re “approaching” people for. i’ll chat and banter with strangers, but if i pick up that they’re uncomfortable we’ll part ways long before assault becomes a possibility. was getting drinks thrown in your face a metaphor or nah?
- dTal 5y ago
  Man, where to start with all this? The fact that you can't possibly "approach" everyone on the planet? The reduction of all social interaction to an "approach" numbers game? The conflation of "successful approach" with "very close people"? The description of building meaningful relationships as "facing discomfort and hustling and selling"? I can't unpack all that, but man - realtalk, it sounds like you're in a dark place. This is a horribly unhealthy attitude. Most people manage to get friends and partners without routinely upsetting strangers so badly that they become physically agressive. I wonder if it matters to you how they feel? People generally enjoy social interaction for its own sake. "Putting in the work" doesn't mean playing a sick numbers game in the hope that by some pure fluke you get a positive interaction, leaving behind a trail of unhappy strangers. It means caring about other people - actually caring. In particular it means figuring out why strangers overwhelmingly dislike you.
  - irl_chad 5y ago
    So true!!!
im3w1l 5y ago
> Yeah, that’s really great, I did that stuff all the time. When I was like 16. Sounds like you learned the boundaries by testing them, and now you don't need to anymore because you know where they are.
- irl_chad 5y ago
  Yes so true

GDC7 5y ago

> It seems like you’re referring to pickup artistry To be honest you have to treat men and women equally and approach both of them If you are heterosexual of course an interaction with a woman would gravitate towards a romantic interest, whereas with men it's more a friendship/alliance. But men will still reject your friendship/alliance proposal in way which is every bit as brutal as the drink spilled in your face. > Everybody thinks cringe Again there are 8B people on the planet. If you could approach everybody and your success rate is 0.000001% you'd have 8000 very close people. Even if the remaining think you are cringe you'd never have a chance to interact with them because the 8000 would basically engulf your whole day. Matter of fact you'd not have room for 8000, we can only have meaningful social relationships with 150-200 people . > Don’t try to force stuff Social life isn't different from any other aspect of life, you cannot wait for it to come in your lap. You gotta put in the work, and get the rewards. Face the pain and then enjoy the gain. I don't know why people think that the normal rules of life don't apply to social interactions. > you have to respect yourself What you identify as "respect yourself" I characterize as not wanting to put in the work and face discomfort and also stop hustling and stop selling. But in this case also not recognizing the reality of the numbers which I just put forward above.

irl_chad 5y ago
Almost everyone naturally falls into meaningful relationships without “making them happen.” For example, did your dad have to approach 200 women on the street to meet your mom, or did they naturally meet through a social event or a friend group? If you need to go to such extreme lengths just to form meaningful connections, consider looking inward. It’s probably a consequence of not having any hobbies where socialisation is normal.
- GDC7 5y ago
  > For example, did your dad have to approach 200 women on the street to meet your mom, or did they naturally meet through a social event or a friend group? My dad didn't optimize during the selection of his social group of 150-200 people. He took what randomness threw at him. I want to do something different and aiming for the crème de la crème , meaning both male friends and allies as well as women friends and romantic partners for my group of 150-200 people.
  - irl_chad 5y ago
    > I want to do something different and aiming for the crème de la crème , meaning both male friends and allies as well as women friends and romantic partners for my group of 150-200 people. In my country, I’m a D-list celebrity (blue check on social media, followers in the 6 figures, but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been recognised in public). The “crème de la crème” of people (movie stars, pop singers, professional athletes, politicians..) DO NOT want to be approached like this on the street.
    - GDC7 5y ago
      > The “crème de la crème” of people (movie stars, pop singers, professional athletes, politicians..) DO NOT want to be approached like this on the street. The same street approach is valid online and in media. Take Howard Stern. Controversial to many, people called him all sorts of things. He made interviews that even back in the 90s and 00s were considered as something that didn't belong in radio. Look at where he is now. He has Tom Brady, Kevin Durant and Hillary Clinton in his circle of people. Because he didn't care about people considering him cringe or a "creep" or a "deviant". You only need to win a small % of the number of people that you interact with. Kim Kardashian is another example, many would have run for the hills in shame after the leaked sex tape but she used it to propel herself, regardless of people calling her a slut, she actually embraced the concept and owned her sluttyness. Now she's a billionaire and going to the White House regularly
jazzyjackson 5y ago
i’m totally in the dark about what you’re “approaching” people for. i’ll chat and banter with strangers, but if i pick up that they’re uncomfortable we’ll part ways long before assault becomes a possibility. was getting drinks thrown in your face a metaphor or nah?
dTal 5y ago
Man, where to start with all this? The fact that you can't possibly "approach" everyone on the planet? The reduction of all social interaction to an "approach" numbers game? The conflation of "successful approach" with "very close people"? The description of building meaningful relationships as "facing discomfort and hustling and selling"? I can't unpack all that, but man - realtalk, it sounds like you're in a dark place. This is a horribly unhealthy attitude. Most people manage to get friends and partners without routinely upsetting strangers so badly that they become physically agressive. I wonder if it matters to you how they feel? People generally enjoy social interaction for its own sake. "Putting in the work" doesn't mean playing a sick numbers game in the hope that by some pure fluke you get a positive interaction, leaving behind a trail of unhappy strangers. It means caring about other people - actually caring. In particular it means figuring out why strangers overwhelmingly dislike you.
- irl_chad 5y ago
  So true!!!

im3w1l 5y ago

> Yeah, that’s really great, I did that stuff all the time. When I was like 16. Sounds like you learned the boundaries by testing them, and now you don't need to anymore because you know where they are.

irl_chad 5y ago
Yes so true