4 ms·

Life Happens in Public. Get Used to It

15 points by xojoc 5y ago

GDC7 5y ago
The biggest tragedy that humanity faces today is that we still think that we are living in small communities of 500-1000 individuals. So every move has to be planned to perfection as if we were still living in such small communities and public failure or embarassment is a social death sentence. In reality there are 8 billion of us! 8.000.000.000, the formula to succeed in this environment is to be very conservative with one finances (you need those money to eat and live after all) but very aggressive socially. If you are not getting laughed at publicly or getting drinks spilled in your face on a regular basis, you are really not putting in the work necessary to be socially successful. People on here think they can buy social success with money, in reality that gives the same feeling of paying a hooker. There is no substitute for hard work, the price to pay to acquire meaningful interpersonal relationships is being laughed at and rejected in a brutal manner.
- dTal 5y ago
  If you are getting drinks thrown in your face on a regular basis, I'll get my social advice somewhere else thanks :) That said, I agree that the mismatch in scale between the social environment and the modern day is wreaking some pretty major havoc with a great many of our social heuristics.
  - GDC7 5y ago
    Drinks thrown in your face lasts a second of discomfort, the one who doesn't throw a drink in your face can potentially last a lifetime of companionship. C'mon HN. Risk-benefit analysis should be y'all forte.
    - irl_chad 5y ago
      It seems like you’re referring to pickup artistry, because who else would get drinks thrown at them? Yeah, that’s really great, I did that stuff all the time. When I was like 16. But as an adult, you have to respect yourself enough to not engage in stuff like that. Literally (not figuratively) every single normal person thinks pickup artists are cringe. To my fellow aspies, I’ve found the actual secret to social success (friendship and romance alike): just go with the flow. Don’t try to force stuff, and end up with drinks in your face. Don’t walk up to random people in Starbucks and act cringe; just meet people through hobbies. Join a chess club, spot someone on a heavy set, join a language club.. :)
      - GDC7 5y ago
        > It seems like you’re referring to pickup artistry To be honest you have to treat men and women equally and approach both of them If you are heterosexual of course an interaction with a woman would gravitate towards a romantic interest, whereas with men it's more a friendship/alliance. But men will still reject your friendship/alliance proposal in way which is every bit as brutal as the drink spilled in your face. > Everybody thinks cringe Again there are 8B people on the planet. If you could approach everybody and your success rate is 0.000001% you'd have 8000 very close people. Even if the remaining think you are cringe you'd never have a chance to interact with them because the 8000 would basically engulf your whole day. Matter of fact you'd not have room for 8000, we can only have meaningful social relationships with 150-200 people . > Don’t try to force stuff Social life isn't different from any other aspect of life, you cannot wait for it to come in your lap. You gotta put in the work, and get the rewards. Face the pain and then enjoy the gain. I don't know why people think that the normal rules of life don't apply to social interactions. > you have to respect yourself What you identify as "respect yourself" I characterize as not wanting to put in the work and face discomfort and also stop hustling and stop selling. But in this case also not recognizing the reality of the numbers which I just put forward above.
        irl_chad 5y ago
        Almost everyone naturally falls into meaningful relationships without “making them happen.” For example, did your dad have to approach 200 women on the street to meet your mom, or did they naturally meet through a social event or a friend group? If you need to go to such extreme lengths just to form meaningful connections, consider looking inward. It’s probably a consequence of not having any hobbies where socialisation is normal.
        GDC7 5y ago
        > For example, did your dad have to approach 200 women on the street to meet your mom, or did they naturally meet through a social event or a friend group? My dad didn't optimize during the selection of his social group of 150-200 people. He took what randomness threw at him. I want to do something different and aiming for the crème de la crème , meaning both male friends and allies as well as women friends and romantic partners for my group of 150-200 people.

15 points by xojoc 5y ago

GDC7 5y ago

The biggest tragedy that humanity faces today is that we still think that we are living in small communities of 500-1000 individuals. So every move has to be planned to perfection as if we were still living in such small communities and public failure or embarassment is a social death sentence. In reality there are 8 billion of us! 8.000.000.000, the formula to succeed in this environment is to be very conservative with one finances (you need those money to eat and live after all) but very aggressive socially. If you are not getting laughed at publicly or getting drinks spilled in your face on a regular basis, you are really not putting in the work necessary to be socially successful. People on here think they can buy social success with money, in reality that gives the same feeling of paying a hooker. There is no substitute for hard work, the price to pay to acquire meaningful interpersonal relationships is being laughed at and rejected in a brutal manner.

dTal 5y ago
If you are getting drinks thrown in your face on a regular basis, I'll get my social advice somewhere else thanks :) That said, I agree that the mismatch in scale between the social environment and the modern day is wreaking some pretty major havoc with a great many of our social heuristics.
- GDC7 5y ago
  Drinks thrown in your face lasts a second of discomfort, the one who doesn't throw a drink in your face can potentially last a lifetime of companionship. C'mon HN. Risk-benefit analysis should be y'all forte.
  - irl_chad 5y ago
    It seems like you’re referring to pickup artistry, because who else would get drinks thrown at them? Yeah, that’s really great, I did that stuff all the time. When I was like 16. But as an adult, you have to respect yourself enough to not engage in stuff like that. Literally (not figuratively) every single normal person thinks pickup artists are cringe. To my fellow aspies, I’ve found the actual secret to social success (friendship and romance alike): just go with the flow. Don’t try to force stuff, and end up with drinks in your face. Don’t walk up to random people in Starbucks and act cringe; just meet people through hobbies. Join a chess club, spot someone on a heavy set, join a language club.. :)
    - GDC7 5y ago
      > It seems like you’re referring to pickup artistry To be honest you have to treat men and women equally and approach both of them If you are heterosexual of course an interaction with a woman would gravitate towards a romantic interest, whereas with men it's more a friendship/alliance. But men will still reject your friendship/alliance proposal in way which is every bit as brutal as the drink spilled in your face. > Everybody thinks cringe Again there are 8B people on the planet. If you could approach everybody and your success rate is 0.000001% you'd have 8000 very close people. Even if the remaining think you are cringe you'd never have a chance to interact with them because the 8000 would basically engulf your whole day. Matter of fact you'd not have room for 8000, we can only have meaningful social relationships with 150-200 people . > Don’t try to force stuff Social life isn't different from any other aspect of life, you cannot wait for it to come in your lap. You gotta put in the work, and get the rewards. Face the pain and then enjoy the gain. I don't know why people think that the normal rules of life don't apply to social interactions. > you have to respect yourself What you identify as "respect yourself" I characterize as not wanting to put in the work and face discomfort and also stop hustling and stop selling. But in this case also not recognizing the reality of the numbers which I just put forward above.
      - irl_chad 5y ago
        Almost everyone naturally falls into meaningful relationships without “making them happen.” For example, did your dad have to approach 200 women on the street to meet your mom, or did they naturally meet through a social event or a friend group? If you need to go to such extreme lengths just to form meaningful connections, consider looking inward. It’s probably a consequence of not having any hobbies where socialisation is normal.
        GDC7 5y ago
        > For example, did your dad have to approach 200 women on the street to meet your mom, or did they naturally meet through a social event or a friend group? My dad didn't optimize during the selection of his social group of 150-200 people. He took what randomness threw at him. I want to do something different and aiming for the crème de la crème , meaning both male friends and allies as well as women friends and romantic partners for my group of 150-200 people.