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I've aways wondered how parents balance the desire to limit screen time with the social pressure to play specific games/be on specific apps. I had my screen ti

I've aways wondered how parents balance the desire to limit screen time with the social pressure to play specific games/be on specific apps. I had my screen time limited growing up and I'm grateful for it, because it made me mor patient and allowed me to focus on other stuff. However, even near the end of middle school, it was already getting tough to be social without playing video games or being on social media. Have you found any of these issues with your own kids, or have things changed for the better in that respect?

mixmastamyk 5y ago
I suppose FOMO is real, but I don't think of missing out on video games as particularly "tough."
- altacc 5y ago
  Playground peer pressure can be relatively tough enough to upset kids.
- antasvara 5y ago
  I mean, peer pressure is tough as a general rule. It's no different than the peer pressure associated with wearing the wrong kinds of clothes, being interested in classically "dorky" stuff, etc. There's also an element of communication outside of school. Nowadays (and this is based off of what the kids I work with tell me, so YMMV) it seems that a lot of what students do after school is related to screens. Students talk to each other through Roblox, play Minecraft instead of board games, etc. It's hard to come up with an analogy because the "in" toy/subject from grade school varies widely by age. At least in my age range, an analogous type of pressure would be Pokemon cards. Talking about Pokemon and playing with the cards dominated most conversations, so not having them made it a lot harder to interact with your peers. This may be a US thing though, as I'm not super aware of how grade school social standing works in other countries.
  - altacc 5y ago
    Our school actually banned Pokemon cards as they caused so many issues, from lack of activity to arguments and thefts. On the way to and from school you'll see students just outside the grounds making illicit trades and games.
altacc 5y ago
My children are still very young but got pressure to be playing the popular games in primary school, at age 8. At break time/recess some of the kids play games based on Brawl Stars & Zooba and if you don't play those then you're excluded. It seems to be worst for children with older siblings, who see what their siblings play and ask for it, and as it's already "in the house" the parents are more willing to allow it. I have the same issue with my children as they are a few years apart, the younger one gets disappointed but I try to find different games for him to play. My kids get one hour of gaming each day of the weekend but there are those in their class who have had free access to a tablet every day from age 6. It's anecdotal, but those do seem to be the ones with most behavioral issues and find it hard to play creatively.
- antasvara 5y ago
  >It's anecdotal, but those do seem to be the ones with most behavioral issues and find it hard to play creatively. > At break time/recess some of the kids play games based on Brawl Stars & Zooba and if you don't play those then you're excluded. This is ultimately the fundamental issue. The trade-off between social involvement and behavioral development is really difficult. In your opinion, do you think that limiting their screen time has had a significant negative social effect? Or has limiting their screen time actually had a positive effect on their social skills? Adding on to that, do you personally think that the social trade-offs are worth the behavioral gains associated with limiting their screen time? Or is there some piece I'm missing where limiting screen time is actually beneficial to both? This isn't meant as a judgement of your parenting style if it comes off that way. I'm just genuinely curious about what trade-offs you see with your style versus other parenting styles. As someone who grew up similarly to your children, I certainly never regretted missing out on video games as a kid. I do recognize that times are changing though with respect to video games and the Internet.
  - altacc 5y ago
    I see it as constantly in evaluation and needs to consider the child's and parent's situation, so wouldn't presume a one size fits all approach. As they age and friend groups change so will our strategy. I am going to be tougher on social media as I see that as inherently flawed. We have tried introducing some TV during the week and the negative effects were very noticeable. There's a lot of creative energy that needs to be used and screen time doesn't fulfil that, even Minecraft. At school the group of children who play creatively is bigger than the group who play based on games, so it's not making them total pariahs. I also think it is teaching them to be able to cooperate and negotiate within an open and shared play environment, which I see as the foundation for how they'll interact when they are older.

mixmastamyk 5y ago

I suppose FOMO is real, but I don't think of missing out on video games as particularly "tough."

altacc 5y ago
Playground peer pressure can be relatively tough enough to upset kids.
antasvara 5y ago
I mean, peer pressure is tough as a general rule. It's no different than the peer pressure associated with wearing the wrong kinds of clothes, being interested in classically "dorky" stuff, etc. There's also an element of communication outside of school. Nowadays (and this is based off of what the kids I work with tell me, so YMMV) it seems that a lot of what students do after school is related to screens. Students talk to each other through Roblox, play Minecraft instead of board games, etc. It's hard to come up with an analogy because the "in" toy/subject from grade school varies widely by age. At least in my age range, an analogous type of pressure would be Pokemon cards. Talking about Pokemon and playing with the cards dominated most conversations, so not having them made it a lot harder to interact with your peers. This may be a US thing though, as I'm not super aware of how grade school social standing works in other countries.
- altacc 5y ago
  Our school actually banned Pokemon cards as they caused so many issues, from lack of activity to arguments and thefts. On the way to and from school you'll see students just outside the grounds making illicit trades and games.

altacc 5y ago

My children are still very young but got pressure to be playing the popular games in primary school, at age 8. At break time/recess some of the kids play games based on Brawl Stars & Zooba and if you don't play those then you're excluded. It seems to be worst for children with older siblings, who see what their siblings play and ask for it, and as it's already "in the house" the parents are more willing to allow it. I have the same issue with my children as they are a few years apart, the younger one gets disappointed but I try to find different games for him to play. My kids get one hour of gaming each day of the weekend but there are those in their class who have had free access to a tablet every day from age 6. It's anecdotal, but those do seem to be the ones with most behavioral issues and find it hard to play creatively.

antasvara 5y ago
>It's anecdotal, but those do seem to be the ones with most behavioral issues and find it hard to play creatively. > At break time/recess some of the kids play games based on Brawl Stars & Zooba and if you don't play those then you're excluded. This is ultimately the fundamental issue. The trade-off between social involvement and behavioral development is really difficult. In your opinion, do you think that limiting their screen time has had a significant negative social effect? Or has limiting their screen time actually had a positive effect on their social skills? Adding on to that, do you personally think that the social trade-offs are worth the behavioral gains associated with limiting their screen time? Or is there some piece I'm missing where limiting screen time is actually beneficial to both? This isn't meant as a judgement of your parenting style if it comes off that way. I'm just genuinely curious about what trade-offs you see with your style versus other parenting styles. As someone who grew up similarly to your children, I certainly never regretted missing out on video games as a kid. I do recognize that times are changing though with respect to video games and the Internet.
- altacc 5y ago
  I see it as constantly in evaluation and needs to consider the child's and parent's situation, so wouldn't presume a one size fits all approach. As they age and friend groups change so will our strategy. I am going to be tougher on social media as I see that as inherently flawed. We have tried introducing some TV during the week and the negative effects were very noticeable. There's a lot of creative energy that needs to be used and screen time doesn't fulfil that, even Minecraft. At school the group of children who play creatively is bigger than the group who play based on games, so it's not making them total pariahs. I also think it is teaching them to be able to cooperate and negotiate within an open and shared play environment, which I see as the foundation for how they'll interact when they are older.