> because the crushing realization that I'd have to return to work was almost worse than losing myself in the uninterrupted, repetitive, dead-eyed grind I feel

> because the crushing realization that I'd have to return to work was almost worse than losing myself in the uninterrupted, repetitive, dead-eyed grind I feel this so much. The anxiety of not working while dreading it on the horizon is often worse than the work itself.