Your first step is to get yourself back into a mindset where you can rationally reason about things. To analogize, the problem is in the operating system (the m

Your first step is to get yourself back into a mindset where you can rationally reason about things. To analogize, the problem is in the operating system (the mental processes that help you do things in your life) but you're running diagnostics on the higher-level processes (job, family, etc.). So what you do is you run the low-level repair algorithms. As everyone else says, talk to a therapist or counselor (which it sounds like you can afford) - there are even online services for this if the activation energy of finding a counselor in the normal way is too high. Finally, don't forget the more mundane things, in particular prioritize getting good sleep any way you can. Many (most?) of us have been in the same place - things can and will improve once you re-center yourself.